Moonshadow: a Twilight Bella and Jacob Story
by chef diamond heart
Summary: One of the very first Jacob-Bella fics! What if Edward kept his promise and Bella never heard from the Cullens again? Jacob was more than willing to console her, would she have the sense to let him? Just a nice love story - with monsters. Rated at 108 degrees. Initial story in The Moonshadow Continuum, where the love continues ...
1. Chapter 1

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is intended.

Moonshadow begins at the bottom of page 376 of _New Moon_...

**Moonshadow**

**Chapter 1. After the Fall**

Jacob parked in the driveway behind Charlie's cruiser. My head rested on his warm chest, his skin over his firm muscles was like hot satin with a faint woodsy scent. His arm around my shoulders tightened "You okay, Bells?"

"Okay," I sighed pulling closer to his comforting presence. "Thank you, Jake, for y'know, saving my life, again."

"Sure, sure. Like I'd do anything else! Just don't scare me again like that, Bella. If I hadn't gotten there in time-." He choked and was silent. I felt his lips brush my hair. Jacob's large gentle hand cupped my chin as he drew my face up to look at him. In the uncertain light his eyes were deeply shadowed, I couldn't read his expression.

"Can, er, _may_ I kiss you, Bella?" He whispered. I considered for a moment, well, why not? He was my best friend; I owed him my life several times over. I was fonder of him than anyone else I knew, more than I really wanted to admit to myself. Not trusting my voice I leaned closer to him.

His silky hair brushed my cheek as he gently pressed his lips to the bridge of my nose, my cheekbone, the edge of my mouth. His lips were full and very warm and soft as they met mine.

It was so _odd_ to kiss someone other than Edward. _His_ lips were wintry cold and hard, my lips had always formed to fit his. I sat passively, not moving, as these details ran in circles in my head.

Jacob sat back with a faint sigh of exasperation "It's nicer if you kiss back. You'd probably enjoy it more, too."

"You know what your problem is, Bells? You're in love – with the wrong thing. You think you're hung up on a guy who left you, but you're not, not really. You're hung up on the idea of yourself as the heartbroken heroine. Got news for you, honey," he spat out, "whatever you may think, Romeo and Juliet were _not_ a success as a couple. Get it?" He drummed on the steering wheel with his hands.

I sat stunned, my mouth hanging slightly open.

"What do you think is going to happen? That he'll come back and be so impressed with the way you've suffered that he'll - do _what_? Waiting for him to come back is sucking the life out of you as surely as if he had drunk your blood!" Jacob made a convulsive gagging sound.

"It's not like that!" I retorted.

"Isn't it? Look at yourself, Bells. You've held on to… whatever for so long that you don't know how to let go anymore."

He leaned his head back against the seat and took a deep breath.

"Maybe it's not so exciting or romantic, but have you heard of a story where the nice guy from next door gets the girl? One where he really makes her happier, lots happier than the first guy? Hey, it could happen!" Jacob's voice cracked and was silent.

I suddenly hated myself for letting this lovely boy wish for things I wasn't even trying to give him. Taking my courage I leaned to him again, sliding my arm around his neck. His hands went around my waist pulling me closer. This kiss was different, he wasn't so hesitant, and his lips were harder, more demanding. And so, so warm.

All at once, it wasn't an effort to kiss Jake. My breath came faster, a curl of heat uncoiled in my stomach, my hand clenched in Jake's hair drawing him to me. A soft, hoarse moan sounded in the back of his throat as his hands started to roam my shoulders and back. His hand slid down my thigh gathering me to him and sending a jolt of electricity through my body.

Kissing Edward had certainly never been like this! He'd always been so cautious, for my own safety, he said. Jacob was just as dangerous in his way, but I knew would never hurt me. His lips parted mine as he slipped his tongue over my lower lip and into my mouth, another thing never allowed by my previous lover. A new sensation of heat and softness.

"Oh, Bells," he whispered and moved his mouth to my neck, into the soft spot just beneath my jaw, drawing his lips down to the hollow of my collarbone with agonizing slowness. I leaned my head back as a soft whimper escaped me.

Jacob's arms suddenly loosed me and he sat back, holding me at arm's length as he stared at me, mouth slightly open, his breathing ragged. "See, I told you it'd be better if you kissed back!" with a flicker of a smile. He seemed so in control even though moved by passion. Who _was_ this Jacob?

I started to close the space between us, but he stopped me "I'd better let you get inside, Bella,' he murmured hoarsely, "or …" He leaned past me to open the truck door.

"H-how will you get home?" I faltered.

"Run, of course! It's not far, and just at the moment a good run in the cold air is exactly what I need!" he chuckled.

We stepped out of our respective doors and J. came around the truck. I turned my face up for another kiss but he gently brushed his lips against my forehead, and looked steadily into my eyes.

"Think about what I said, Bella. I guess I'll always be around like your pet dog; I'll come when you call. But, I'm leaving it up to you: you'll _have_ to call – when you're ready to give me an honest chance. There's only so much of this I can do."

I sighed and stepped up to the front door, pausing and turning to watch my wolf boy stride to the edge of the woods beside the yard.

There, just inside the glow thrown by the porch light he stopped. He slipped his cut-off sweat pants down and stepped out of them, rolling them up and tucking the shorts into the leather thong tied around his ankle. In the dim light I could just make out the sinews of his back and torso, the taut lines of his thighs. I was used to seeing Jake without his shirt, but had never seen him in this state of undress or from this angle. My breath stopped.

"Knew you'd look!" he called mockingly as he jogged off into the forest.

I stood for a moment looking at the space where he's disappeared then turned reluctantly and went into the house. As usual, Charlie was on the couch watching some sports show. "Have a nice day at the rez, Bella?"

"Oh, yeah…" I said distantly.

Charlie turned to look at me "What happened? You look a mess!"

"Oh, you know me," I mumbled lamely, "I fell in the water at the beach. But Jake pulled me out." I avoided the truth of the afternoon, why worry him?

Charlie turned back to his game with a laugh, "Good kid, that Jacob."

I drifted to the stairs saying "Good _kid_, huh!" That had been no kid's kiss!

For the first time in months my dreams that night weren't terrifying, but rather of warmth and comfort and soft, deep fur.

The next day was an odd, blank day, the hours marked only by variations in my worrying.

Charlie was gone, either at the station or in La Push at the Clearwater's. I refused even to look at the phone. After Jacob's words the previous night, and the kiss that followed, I felt a welter of confusion that I needed to sort out before I talked to him again.

I tried to study for a while and found myself re-living Jake's kiss in disturbing detail. Forcibly removing my mind from the moments in the truck I turned back to my schoolbooks. Only to be distracted by the memory of his parting words: "_I'll come when you call…when you're ready to give me an _honest_ chance." _

I shriveled inside as I thought of how I had taken advantage of Jake over the last few months – but I knew I wouldn't have made it without him. My own personal sun who let me warm myself in the heat of his good nature, humor and understanding. What had I given him back? My company wasn't exactly sprightly these days.

I knew he loved me, but had his message been that he was running out of patience with my preoccupation with my lost love? The thought of life without Jacob's sturdy presence made me feel as though I had taken a physical blow to the stomach.

Was he right? Was I hanging onto a memory out of habit? Could I…?

I decided that homework wasn't doing the trick; I'd clean the house, instead. Maybe I could wear myself out enough to sleep tonight.

I scrubbed and dusted and swept, accompanied by the same litany of worries: would Jake really stay away? Could I give him what he asked? Was I being untrue to the overwhelming love I had felt for…_him_, if I tried to rebuild my life? Maybe it was time….

The habits of the last few months rose up in rebellion at that thought. How dare anyone ask me to give up the feelings I clung to so fiercely! My pain proved the depths of my feeling for my beautiful, faithless one. _I_ would be loyal. I was altered for life by this loss!

I sank to the floor beside the bed I was changing, my arms full of stale sheets. Ooooh! Just like Jacob had said: I was caught up in the vision of myself as a tragic heroine.

"Next thing you know," I snarled to myself, "I'll go _into a_ _decline_ and waste away!" How pathetic!

Disgusted with myself, I trotted down stairs to deposit the sheets in the laundry basket and to start dinner for Charlie. Recalling Harry Clearwater I resolved to begin a new habit of heart healthy meals. We had a freezer crammed full of fish, I'd try out some new recipes.

I was gratified at Charlie's response when he dragged in a couple of hours later, his face set in grim lines. "Smells good, Bells, thanks." He gave a wan smile but settled into the meal with something close to eagerness.

That night in bed I pulled my memories of the time spent with Edward out and lived over them in intimate detail. I had done this so often. The pain was still there; but…was it my imagination or were the memories just a little… faded?

I could no longer hear his voice in our remembered conversations, only my own reciting his lines.

Finally, I drifted off, to dream confusingly of glaciers and deserts, blizzards and bonfires.

The next morning, I woke earlier than usual, surprised by a sense of urgency. Jacob! He'd said _I_ had to call _him_ or -? Would he follow his own advice and try to move on? The thought caused my stomach to clench and my heart race with something close to panic. Our earlier separation when he had joined the pack had almost been my undoing.

I threw on the first jeans and shirt I could find, jamming my feet into tennis shoes after a glance at the window showed the day dawning clear – for Forks.

It was very early but I couldn't wait, I'd drive out to La Push and just wait till someone was up at the Black's, it had worked before.

I almost collided with Charlie at the top of the stairs. Charlie was in a tie, carrying a suit jacket. Oh, the funeral! I'd been so preoccupied that I had forgotten the Clearwaters' loss.

"Couldn't sleep," Charlie explained. "Figured I might as well get ready and go to the house, Sue and the kids might need some help. You're up early."

"Oh, uh, I've got some things to take care, get an early start, you know," I mumbled lamely. For some reason I didn't feel like telling him that I had to go see Jake.

"See you around," he said heavily and headed to the cruiser.

I waited in an agony of impatience for him to pull away and then several minutes more to let him get well ahead of me.

Finally, I figured the coast was clear and sprinted to the truck. Leaving Forks I put all my weight on the gas pedal trying to coax a little more speed from the ancient engine but got mainly more noise. "This thing is SO SLOW!" I hissed in frustration. That was a first: I was the world's most cautious driver.

A couple of miles down the La Push road I saw Jacob's little Rabbit heading toward me, Jake's face frowning anxiously through the windshield. He looked so huge in the tiny car. He saw me at the same moment. I pulled over as he made a screeching u-turn and squealed to a stop inches from the truck's rear bumper.

My hands shook as I fumbled with the seatbelt and Jacob reached the driver side door before I could get out. His hands reached for me and drew me out, lifting me high as one would a small child and spinning in place.

Setting me on my feet he engulfed me in one of his warm hugs. "Ah, ack! Can't… breathe!" I gasped against the rough fabric of his shirt.

He loosed me, stepping back to look into my face and taking both my hands in his.

"Bells!" he exclaimed, breathlessly. "When I didn't hear from you I didn't know what to think. I shouldn't have left things the way I did the other night. I – that is, you're too important to me to not have you around, however you feel."

"I thought all day about what you said, Jake. You were _so_ right about a lot of things. I was so afraid that you were too disgusted to want to be my friend any more." The words tumbled out of me. "You're important to me too, Jacob, the most important person I have. It's just that it's not the same-."

He stopped me with a finger on my lips. "Let's just hold it there," he said softly. "'The most important person you have' is a good starting point. I can live with that."

A puzzled look crossed his face. "Is that what you're wearing to the funeral?"

For the first time I took in Jacob's appearance, neatly pressed jeans and a dark Pendleton buttoned high. I realized that the clothes I had so hastily thrown on were the same ones I had worn for cleaning house the day before, crumpled and smeary.

"Oh, oh, " I stammered, "I didn't think I'd go to the funeral. I hardly know the Clearwaters and …" my voice sputtered to a stop.

Jacob blinked and said quietly "You know Charlie, and my dad. You know me."

My mouth opened to make further excuses, but instead I heard myself saying, "

"I'll go home and change. When should I be there?"

Harry Clearwater had been a tribal elder and one of my dad's best friends; his death was a loss to everyone. I writhed inwardly with shame at my self-absorption.

"I'll follow you home and we'll go together." Jake said, with a sheepish grin. "That's where I was headed anyway." He turned to the Rabbit.

"Jake," I croaked and cleared my throat, I had to be certain. "Jake, can you take me as is? Water damage and all?"

"Bella, look around you. Everyone is damaged, it just sort of happens, living." His dark eyes stared off at something far distant. "You have to choose to mend. And then you have to keep on choosing it." He got in his car and waited for me.

I stood open-mouthed for a moment, wondering at his observation, then got in the truck and headed for home.

...

A/N: Scattered throughout Moonshadow are lines lifted from the Saga, these are italicized; I have made no attempt to cite them by book or page as I have, um, _re-employed_ them for my own purposes...

**Chapter 2. A Study in Black**

For the next couple of weeks nothing much seemed to have changed in my friendship with Jacob. Just comfortable times spent at his house or mine; no attempts at recreating that astonishing kiss. I told myself firmly, several times, that this was for the best. Then I would find myself wondering obsessively why Jake wasn't pursuing the matter.


	2. Chapter 2

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Moonshadow**

In which the romance between Bella and Jacob continues… or does it?

(In this AU Jake has had a fraction of a dog year added to his age: he is 18 and a junior in high school!)

**2. A Study in Black**

For the next couple of weeks nothing much seemed to have changed in my friendship with Jacob. Just comfortable times spent at his house or mine; no attempts at recreating that astonishing kiss. I told myself firmly, several times, that this was for the best. Then I would find myself wondering obsessively why Jake wasn't pursuing the matter.

Jacob had always easily taken my hand when the moment presented itself; he was generous with his mammoth hugs. These, along with a brotherly kiss on the forehead or cheek, were the extent of our contact. Sometimes I felt that the moments in the truck that night had been a hallucination brought on by exhaustion and reaction to fear.

To my surprise, the Clearwater funeral had not been as tedious as I had feared. Charlie's face lit up briefly when he saw me enter the La Push council hall, followed by a look of speculation as he took in Jake's hulking presence at my shoulder. As we moved through the crowd I was startled at the variety of expressions on the faces of the village residents. Or rather, on the faces of the teenage girls: a few wistful, some resigned and one look of such burning hostility, on the face of an extremely pretty girl, that I faltered and stepped back at its force.

"That's Callie," said a voice in my ear. I turned to see Paul, my least favorite of Jacob's wolf brothers. "She had quite a little thing going for Jake, guess she's not too pleased to see him with someone else, especially a white girl." His face was twisted in a smirk of malicious glee and then he slipped back into the crowd.

Jacob, who had been speaking to an elderly woman, turned back to me and said with a start "You okay, honey? Do you want to step out? It's kind of close in here."

We went out into the watery sunshine (how I still missed Phoenix at times!) nodding and greeting still more of those gathered. Paul's remark had stunned me in a particular way, "Um, Jake? Does it ever matter to you that I'm, well, not Indian?"

He blinked, "Can't say as I've ever really thought about it, you're just _Bella_ to me. Why do you ask?" He paused, and then continued hurriedly, "It doesn't make any difference to you, does it?"

"Oh, oh _no_! Jake, I never thought about it either, it's just, well, something I overheard just now…" my voice trailed off.

Jacob gave a snort of disgust, "Some people! Don't pay any attention to that garbage, we're just _us_!" I waited for the wince that previously would have followed 'just us' in the past, nothing. In fact, it sounded rather nice, put like that.

It wasn't till later that it occurred to me to wonder if Callie had had any part in Jacob's skill at kissing.

In my preoccupation I found myself watching him as never before and was intrigued by what I saw. I realized that I had always taken him at face value, a boy with a fascination for all things automotive, humorous and cheerful. As I studied him covertly I saw how much more there was to my playmate.

His closeness to his father, at an age when most boys barely acknowledged _having_ parents, was quite touching. It occurred to me that although Billy seemed more nonchalant as a father than even Charlie, in reality he knew far more about his son's life than many parents. Jacob certainly didn't appear to find Billy's involvement irksome in the slightest. They evidently relied on each other in a feeling of mutual respect.

This caused me a pang as I reflected on how much I had hidden from my folks in the past year – after all, a daughter in love with a vampire was something that few parents would welcome. Why did it seem less of an issue with a werewolf? What a weird turn my life had taken since coming to Forks.

I had always assumed that Jacob was fairly indifferent about school because I never saw him agonize over schoolwork or obsess about an assignment. As usual, I was wrong. He was a good student, well thought of by his teachers. His casual attitude was just Jake, he didn't agonize over anything. For him, schoolwork just got it self done, helped by his skills as a listener and observer; agonizing and obsessing seemed to be my signature.

It seemed there was always something more to learn about a boy I had thought I knew through and through.

Late one afternoon, as I dusted back stock at Newton's Outfitters, Mike surprised me by saying sourly, "You've got a visitor."

I stepped out to the sales floor to find Jake snorting with laughter at the display of novelty bumper stickers near the register. He waved one at me that sported the sentiment '_It ain't the size of the bait, it's the way you wiggle the_ _worm_', choking out "What kind of a dork goes around with a sticker on his car that as good as says 'Hey, I've got a little dick'?" He shot a sidelong glance at Mike as if he had an idea of a suitable dork.

This wasn't really my brand of humor by any means, but Jacob was so infectious in his enjoyment that I couldn't help laughing with him. He reluctantly replaced the sticker and thoughtfully selected one with the legend '_Fish Nekkid_' on it, remarking that it would be a nice birthday present for Embry. Guys!

"What are you doing in town, Jake?" I asked, feeling an unfamiliar tickle of pleasure at his visit.

"I came in to talk to Jed Dowling. He says he'll take me on at the garage twenty or thirty hours a week for the summer and we can probably have an arrangement after school starts up again in the fall."

"Jake, that's terrific! Mr. Dowling is getting a great deal!" I exclaimed.

"He'll probably try to rip me off on my pay as bad as he does the customers," Jake laughed. "I'll have to keep an eye on that! Should be pretty cool, but the music at the garage really sucks! All he likes is Country and Western, ack!"

"This deserves a drink to celebrate. I'm off in a few minutes, I'll buy you a Coke." I offered.

I clambered on the motorcycle behind him and we took off for Burger Mountain. I leaned my head against his solid, comforting back and simply didn't think for a few minutes.

Settling in a booth at the restaurant with our drinks, I caught sight of Lauren seated with some of her co-harpies at a corner table looking at Jake with considerable interest. Ignoring them, I asked him curiously "Is that what you're planning to do after school? Work on cars? Get your own garage or something?" We had never really discussed the future.

"Naw, I have some other plans I'm working on. I mean, I'll always have _cars_, but I want it to stay fun, a hobby. That makes me think," he continued. "The truck sounds like it's running a little rough, come by the house on Sunday and I'll tune it for you."

"I'll pay you for your time, of course." I blurted out hastily, made uneasy as always by favors and gifts.

"Bella!" Jacob exclaimed almost sharply, and then continued in a more even tone, "Bella, it is my privilege to work on my girlfriend's car. Let me do this, please." It was not a request.

My mouth opened to protest further, but instead I said quietly, "Thank you, Jake, that's very nice of you." I resisted the urge to ask '_Am_ I your girlfriend?' It seemed so coy to question something that was apparently obvious to everyone but me.

"Um, come over for dinner tonight?" I ventured.

"That'd be great, Bells! What's on the menu?" He gave me his easy grin.

"Well, what do you like? You don't seem too picky so long as it's plentiful," I teased, "But you must have some favorites." A girlfriend (oof!) should consider things like this, right?

"Everything you cook is good, so long as it isn't salmon!" He grimaced extravagantly.

"What's the matter with salmon? It's not so bad." I queried.

"You probably haven't had to eat as much of it as I have," he remarked dolefully. "You know the tribes can harvest without quotas so long as we just eat it, not sell any…so whatever else is in short supply, there's always plenty of salmon! Brrrr."

Puzzled, I asked, "Why do you eat something you dislike so much?"

"Duh! Because it's better than being hungry?" stating the obvious. "But don't rat me out, okay?" He asked with mock anxiety. "They'd cast me out of the tribe for blasphemy! "

"How are your mercury levels?" I muttered lamely, suddenly deeply embarrassed at this line of conversation. I had always known that the Blacks had very little but it had not occurred to me to think that they were actually _poor_. Jacob certainly never complained. I'd have to ask Charlie, discreetly, about this. Not to pry, but so I wouldn't stick my foot in my mouth again. It struck me even more forcefully that there was so much about Jacob that I had simply never considered.

"Ever had King Ranch Chicken?" I said hastily to cover my confusion. "It's a South Western dish with cheese and tortillas and things." Not exactly heart healthy, but we'd been pretty good lately.

"Spicy?" asked Jake with interest.

"It can be. Do you like that?"

"Love it!"

Another thing I didn't know about him. I pretended to speak into a recording device, " 'Note to self: Jake loves spicy food, hates salmon.' But what about spicy salmon?" He just rolled his eyes as I gathered my things, explaining that I would need to stop by the Thriftway for supplies.

I should have known that the day was going too well. As we rounded a corner on the way back to Newton's we passed Charlie writing a ticket to a man in a white dually. My dad's head turned automatically at the sound of the bike's engine, his look of professional interest quickly replaced by a glare of pure fury.

"Oh, no!" I wailed as I hopped off the bike next to my truck. "Now you've definitely got to come over! Maybe he won't be so mad if someone else is there."

"I don't think that's going to help much, Bells." Jacob guffawed. "He'll chew me out just as much as a favor to Dad. But I wouldn't leave you to face the music alone, you know that! I'll bring my books so we can study and look like good little kiddies."

So there we were a few hours later, sitting decorously at the kitchen table, our books stacked around us as the casserole baked in the oven, when Charlie entered with a face like thunder. He set a box down on the counter with a thump.

Under the table Jacob pressed his leg against mine encouragingly. I reflected that even facing what was sure to be a ferocious scolding wasn't so bad alongside my best friend. Even if the touch of his leg started a flutter under my ribs.

"Isabella Swan!" barked Charlie. "I simply can't believe that I'm having to have this conversation with you. You know beyond any possible doubt what my feelings are on the subject of motorcycles. Do you know what they call them at the emergency room?"

"Donor cycles." I said in a small voice.

"Exactly!" He bellowed. "I realize that, legally, you are of age to make your own damn fool reckless decisions, but I am still your father and while you live with me I. Absolutely. Forbid. You. To. Ride. A. Motorcycle. Is that completely clear?"

"Yes, Dad," I whispered meekly.

"As for you, Jacob," Charlie continued in an only slightly subdued tone "I don't pretend to have any real control over your actions, other than to say please consider your father and what he's already been through. Get my meaning?"

"Yes, I see, Charlie." Jake agreed gravely. I stifled a moan at the thought that Sarah Black had been killed in a car wreck.

"Well. That said, please look in that box and pick out a helmet that suits you. I never knew a kid who would listen to sense when it came to wheels, so you might as well be as protected as I can make you. But _only_ Jacob. No more bikes for you, Bella, got it?"

I nodded as I cleared the table for dinner. "Where did those helmets come from, anyway?"

"Uh, the property room at the station, stuff really tends to pile up there." Charlie looked slightly abashed, then added, darkly, "One won't be missed, especially since its original owner probably died in it."

The King Ranch Chicken was pronounced a hit and I sent a portion home for Billy. I carried the plate out to the Rabbit for Jacob whose arms were full of books and the helmet; he had switched the car for the bike as a placatory gesture. He leaned back against the little car, which creaked slightly at his weight, and lightly put his hands on my waist.

"Too bad about the bikes, huh? I don't supposed you'd…"

"No!" I exclaimed. "I did promise, even if it was under duress."

He looked thoughtful, "I have another idea that would be pretty fun. I can't imagine that Charlie would ever think to forbid… wolf riding!"

"Oh, Jacob, that's brilliant! When can we go?" I gasped with an excited laugh.

"Soon, some nice day." He promised with a big grin.

"Hmmph! _Nice day_, that could be a while!" I groused. Impulsively, I slid my arms around him and leaned into his chest. His arms went around my shoulders and he rested his cheek on the top of my head. "Thanks for sticking with me, that helped."

"Sure, sure. Don't forget to come by Sunday. The truck won't take long, the old girl and I have a longtime relationship." He released me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "See you then," running a fingertip down my nose.

I watched as his taillights dwindled down the street. Another brotherly kiss! Why had I ever thought I wanted Jacob for a brother?

As I slid between the sheets that night, it dawned on me that not once in the afternoon or evening had I thought of Edward Cullen.

**~*~**

A review would be greatly appreciated!

Chapter 3. Insights

"Jake's the best," I agreed softly.

"Yes, and I want the best for him, of course. As for you," Billy paused and I braced myself for him to tell me that I wasn't good enough for Jacob, that I should move on and let his son find someone who could love him with her whole heart….


	3. Chapter 3

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is

In which Bella receives help from an un expected source…

**3. Insights**

Mornings had been a struggle for me for so long. After so many nights of torment and nightmares you'd have thought that morning would come as a relief, quite the contrary. Each wakening had brought the fresh realization that Edward was gone, that a new day of struggling to survive the emptiness was just starting. Most days had brought tears of disappointment that I was still alive and alone.

This morning the old misery descended on my chest in the familiar manner; it seemed as though a few carefree hours with Jacob exacted a penance of despair. What as _wrong_ with me? Why was it so hard to let go of the past? Much of the time these days I felt ready to step out of my old, outgrown shell, only to find my self crawling back in, cramping myself to squeeze into a too small space that felt less and less like mine.

On Sunday, I ran the truck out to La Push as agreed, to find Jacob waiting in the yard for me. "Hey, I just got a 911 from Embry and Quil, car trouble. I'll be back in an hour or so. Wait for me?" I nodded and he gave me a swift kiss, on the lips this time, and zipped off.

I trailed into the house, smiling a greeting at Billy. I sat on the loveseat and wished I had brought something to pass the time. I felt vaguely uncomfortable alone in the house with Billy Black; I liked and respected him but almost never saw him without either Jake or Charlie in attendance.

I stared out the window and wondered if one of Jacob's car magazines would be as boring as I thought when Billy gently cleared his throat and said "Mind if we talk a little, Bella?"

"Oh, okay." I said, failing utterly in my attempt to sound casual; what could this be about? I feared I knew. I walked politely to the table where he sat in his wheel chair and took a seat.

He smiled kindly, "I don't think I need to tell how much Jacob values you, do I? Or how very much he means to me; he's a good boy and I'm so proud to see him turning into a good man."

"Jake's the best," I agreed softly.

"Yes, and I want the best for him, of course. As for you," Billy paused and I braced myself for him to tell me that I wasn't good enough for Jacob, that I should move on and let his son find someone who could love him with her whole heart. "As for you," he continued, "you deserve better than you've been giving yourself."

This was so unexpected that I simply stared at him. "Forgive an old man, Bella, but I tend to think of you as one of my daughters, I hope you don't mind."

I shook my head in silence, touched by this admission. Billy continued, "Even if we weren't practically family, it wouldn't be hard to see that you've been terribly unhappy, or why. Or that you're struggling to get past that unhappiness."

He cleared his throat again and said huskily, "Does it seem to you that, perhaps, this struggle is, well, not entirely – _natural_?"

My mouth hung open, this was so close to my recent thoughts. "I-I hadn't looked at it that way, I thought maybe I was crazy, other people certainly think I am. I see other girls at school, they lose a boyfriend, then a few weeks later…." I trailed off.

"Well, I wouldn't call that the ideal, either." His lips twitched. "Bella, maybe it's not how _you are_, but something that was _done to you_." He paused and took a deep breath, "I already know a good part of your story, will you trust me enough to tell me the rest?"

Instantly, I felt what a relief it would be to tell the whole bizarre story to this wise and kindly man, there had been no one to whom I could confide the truth of my experience. Slowly, reluctantly, the story seeped out of me: of the fascination, amounting to obsession, with Edward; how Jacob had unwittingly revealed the Cullens' secret; my acceptance into the family. Throughout this recital Billy's face was set and grim.

"Hmm, this is even more difficult to hear than I had thought." he said as I paused for a breath, "I have a few things I'd like to say, which may not be easy for you to hear. Please bear in mind that the cold ones and the Quileute have been mortal enemies for ages past counting, we see them very differently than the picture of themselves they gave to you." I nodded, beyond words.

"Whatever powers are responsible for the creation of these beings, they gifted the creatures with many advantages over their human prey: their astounding beauty, incredible strength and speed, their seductive voices – and persuasion. There are many stories of luring their victims with words alone."

I froze at the memory of an impossibly beautiful voice saying, _"You would_ _have come." _And my own answering, _"Without a doubt_._"_

"You have some experience with this I see." sighed Billy.

"Yes." I whispered sadly.

"The story the Cullens have always offered of themselves is that they did not hunt humans, that we of the tribe, as well as you newcomers to our home, had nothing to fear from them. That they hunted only animals and lived off the blood just as humans do the meat."

"Yes, yes," I said quickly. "Carlisle, Dr. Cullen, was very opposed to killing. He said that even though fate had made him a monster he could decide how to live out that fate."

"Are you certain it was the truth? Do you know for sure that they were as innocent as they claim?" His voice was harsh. "How would you go about proving such things? And are you certain not any of them ever made a mistake? Was never tempted beyond endurance?"

I helplessly recalled Edward's stories of Emmett's experiences, of how Jasper and dear Alice were new members of the family. Of Edward's own departure from the family during what he had called his rebellious phase. Of Edward's admission of how the quality of my blood had sent him almost to madness. Hearing Billy now made me question how readily I had accepted this version of things.

"Is it possible, do you suppose, that the power of persuasion we spoke of was used on you, to get you close to them for some purpose…?" He suggested.

"It seems almost certain that eventually they would have killed you or made you one of them."

"I wanted it," I choked out. "I wanted to stay with them, I loved them, all of them. I thought they loved me…and then they left."

A harsh rasp sounded in Billy's throat, I looked up in alarm. His face was mottled and twisted with revulsion. "I tried to warn you." He choked out.

"I know. So I guess what you're saying is that they played me for their own entertainment. And I fell for it." I spat out bitterly. "And now I can't get rid of it."

Billy's color was returning and his voice strengthened. "What I'm saying is that it isn't your fault. Humans are no match for them, that's why the wolves came into being. Maybe Jacob is protecting you now, even though he wasn't yet able when the danger was actually present."

I had no ready reply. This was an entirely new idea, but one that made a certain sense. It would explain, in part, my neediness where Jake was concerned.

"As to why you can't rid yourself of these feelings, well, Jacob mentioned a… scar? You were bitten by one of them, Bella?" I could hear the horror in his voice.

"It's not what you think, Billy, really!" I exclaimed hastily and went on to tell the story of James and my headlong flight to Phoenix which had nearly ended in my death.

"The young man sucked the venom of your enemy from your body, and stopped himself before he took your life!" Billy pushed back from the table and looked wildly around the room.

Turning back to me, he exclaimed, "You amaze me, Bella, I've never heard such a story before. It has probably never happened before. That one of these beings could stop…. It may not seem like it, but it's plain that you have some unusual form of luck on your side."

"It also gives a likely explanation as to why you have had such a hard time pushing beyond your contact with these creatures." Billy said thoughtfully. "While sucking the venom of your would-be killer from your veins, undoubtedly some tiny portion of his own entered your bloodstream. Not enough to transform you, but enough to make a bond between you. One very difficult for a mere mortal to break."

"So what do I do now?" I sighed miserably. "I don't want this to go on. For so long everyone has been telling me to move on, and I hated them for it, why couldn't they just leave me alone. But now I want to get over it, and I can't seem to. Are you telling me I'm stuck like this?" My voice dissolved into a wail and I burst into tears. Billy handed me a large white handkerchief from his pocket and waited patiently for me to calm myself.

"Maybe you don't have to do anything. Very often just knowing what the source of the difficulty is makes getting beyond it possible. One thing for sure though, Bella, is that you will never go back to being the way you were before. Life doesn't work like that, most especially when it involves contacts with… the un-dead."

He took my hand and went on, "Everyone has experiences in life that completely rearrange the way they think about life and about themselves. Where everything they were sure of comes apart and they have to find some way to build it up again. But different than before."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and then Billy said briskly, "If you're still troubled in a while, I'll talk with Old Quil and some of the others and we'll see what we can do."

"Some Indian ritual?" I gulped apprehensively.

"You bet," he said with gusto. "Fire-walking and whippings with birch branches to drive out the demons and lots of ugly fetishes!" His mouth twisted in a grin I recognized.

"Now I know where Jake gets his warped sense of humor." I gave a shaky laugh.

"Divination from the entrails of living animals!" As he continued with a chuckle, I seemed to see a shadow of what a handsome, vital man he had been in his younger years.

"Oh, here comes Jake now, do I look all right?" I smoothed my hair and gave a last swipe with the handkerchief.

"Sounds like you're recovering already," Billy remarked dryly.

Jacob burst into the little house, filling the room completely as usual and bringing a gust of clean outdoor air which helped break the spell of my talk with Billy.

"Wow, sorry to be so long, Bells, that Embry! Hey, are you okay? Dad?"

He looked back and forth between the two of us in concern. "What's going on?"

"We were just having a little, uh, father-daughter chat here. Everything's fine." Billy explained reassuringly.

"Huh!" snorted Jacob in disbelief, "Are you all right, honey? For real?"

"Yes, Jake, really, I feel…good. Yes, really good." I said with growing conviction.

He gave Billy a dark look and suggested that we go out to the garage and get started on my truck.

"You're sure you're all right? You look like you've been crying." He rested his big hand protectively on my shoulder. I distracted him by asking the details of Embry and Quil's emergency. His answer was far too mechanical for me to follow and I allowed my mind to reflect on Billy's words. Maybe I should approach this from a different angle, the thought of Jake as a protector from the residual influence of the vampires had considerable appeal.

In the garage, sitting on an up-turned bucket while Jacob did his tinkering under the truck's hood, I thought about how some of the best times of my life had happened here. In spite of the torment I had been going through, the light that was Jacob's presence had shone steadily.

As Jake worked he whistled, as usual. The quality of his whistling had always fascinated me, with the range and flexibility of a trained opera singer's voice. He could, and often did, whistle recognizable tunes but when happily absorbed, as now with the truck, notes from simple trills like birdsong to complex series of arpeggios sounded as of their own accord, the melody of Jacob's being.

"There, start her up, that should do it." As bidden, I turned the ignition, hearing nothing unaccustomed, but Jake nodded with satisfaction, "That's more like it."

I decided to start my new approach. "Um, I suppose it would be – appropriate for your girlfriend to express her gratitude with a kiss?" I was trying for a flirtatious tone, but it came out rather more mournful than I had intended.

"Yeah, that'd be great, Bells, especially since you look so happy about it!"

He returned wryly, but with his eyes twinkling. He wiped his hands briskly with waterless cleaner.

"Still getting used to this girlfriend thing, sorry." I mumbled.

He put his hands on my waist and lightly lifted me to sit on the hood of the truck, bringing me closer to his height. I sat for a moment and regarded him solemnly, thinking.

"You did say something about kissing me, do I have that right?" He teased.

I held up one finger to say 'a minute, please' and leaned forward, my hands resting on his chest. Maybe instead of trying to outrun the past I could learn from it. I recalled something from a day that had changed me forever. I rested the edge of my forehead lightly where I could breathe in the scent of his neck, filling my lungs and letting the impressions flow through me.

I had always simply described Jake's personal scent as woodsy, now, as I concentrated, I separated the different elements. Dismissing the oily odors of the garage and moving past the harshly clean smell of plain white soap, I began to experience his aroma. Leaves, both fresh and fallen; cedar; a whiff of wood smoke; wind; drying fir needles; a tang of the Pacific; a slight, mildly sweet muskiness.

I drew my lips softly along his jaw and then to his mouth. I thought that I had so rarely initiated a kiss in my life, and then I stopped thinking. Just as I had concentrated on the sensation as I scented Jacob, now I focused on exploring this kiss. His lips were soft against mine; I gently circled them with the tip of my tongue. I felt a golden bubble of heat forming under my lungs, it expanded as I deepened the kiss and my breath sighed out of me. My fingers laced behind his head as I pressed my mouth more firmly against his.

The knowledge that I would not be stopped with warnings about my safety seemed the most freeing thing I had ever experienced. I gave an impulsive wiggle that slid me down the hood and more firmly into Jake's arms, our bodies pressed together. Instinctively, my legs locked around his waist.

"Mmm, honey," he murmured, his voice rough, as he brushed his lips from my chin to the hollow of my throat. His hands slid from the tops of my shoulders down my ribs, lightly grazing the sides of my breasts, causing my breath to catch in my throat. His hands came to rest gently gripping my ass, his thumbs resting just inside the waistband of my jeans. As he-

"Eeuuww! Get a room you two!" The jeer in a familiar voice caused us to almost jump apart.

"Great timing, Seth!" Growled Jacob, shooting a dire look at the interloper.

"Mom sent me to find you. Charlie's at our house, Bella, you guys are supposed to bring Billy over and we'll have dinner. Half an hour. I'll tell her not to be surprised if you're late!" He hooted with laughter and ducked out of the door just in time to avoid being hit by a crescent wrench that Jake snatched up to hurl.

We both sighed in unison, then laughed softly at the obvious longing we both felt.

"Hold that thought, will you?" I whispered. "I'll get back to you, promise." His answer was to cup my chin in his hand and cover my face with the very softest of kisses.

That night, following dinner at the Clearwaters' (turkey burgers and potato salad, Jake ate four), and after getting Billy settled in the house, Jacob walked me back to the truck. "Bells, about earlier," he began, taking both my hands into one of his and holding them to his heart, "I just wanted you to know, we'll go at your pace. You call it, okay?" He softly smoothed my hair with his free hand.

I opened my mouth to answer, but he stopped me with a distinctly un-brotherly kiss and gently put me in the truck.

~*~

A review would be greatly appreciated!

Chapter 4. Conversations & Reflections

"…Would I be right in thinking that this Jacob Black has some influence in your decision to say in Forks?"


	4. Chapter 4

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is intended.Moonshadow

In which nothing much in particular happens, but Bella makes progress in getting her life back…

**4. Conversations and Reflections**

The day spent at Billy's marked a change in the relationship between Jacob and me, mostly to me. Other people in our lives seemed to have already accepted that we were together; I had been the only holdout.

The pack had long ago taken me in with hardly a murmur, or rather with the good-natured jibes and jeers that more than anything signified membership as one of them. Everyone at school came to take it for granted that wherever I was, Jacob wouldn't be far off. Even Mike Newton seemed to have reluctantly come on board.

More important, _I_ was moving beyond the compulsion to fight our growing intimacy. Billy's observations aside, some honest self-appraisal had brought the realization that much of my reluctance was simply innate: I couldn't quite believe that I deserved what was developing between my wolf boy and me.

Even before coming to Forks, my life had been relatively isolated, centered mainly on Renee, with the characters in books for friends. I had always observed the opposite sex from a distance, marveling at other girls' ability to flirt and be friendly, knowing if I attempted such things that blushing and stammering would give away my shyness.

My previous experience at romance had done nothing to increase my confidence after the fact.

But things were definitely changing….

One night, a few days before graduation, as I was finishing up the dishes, Charlie came into the kitchen and sat down wearing his 'striving to be a dad' expression.

"Bella, I know I've left this awfully late, but we need to have a talk about your plans for the next year. I guess I'm kind of lame as a parent," Here I shook my head emphatically NO, "But, well, I know you've had a really rotten time and it just seemed cruel to try to force you into decisions when you were struggling so hard. It's just that now…."

"Now, something's got to happen." I agreed. "Well, I don't know how this will go down with you and Mom, but really I think that I'd like to put school off for a year, work and save some money. If it'd be all right, I'd like to stay here. I can talk to Newton's for more hours or find a second job, probably both."

"You know," I went on, "I really didn't pursue applications and funds the way I should have, I just couldn't…" My voice broke. I took a shaky breath, "It's a lot better now, a lot, but what I'd really like is some time. Some time to just _be_, to have a chance to feel sort of like a normal girl again. Maybe I can take some classes on-line or something."

"You'll have to get Renee's input on this of course, but that sounds reasonable to me." His brown eyes shone with sympathy. "She'll probably be okay with this, since you seem to have put some thought into it. She's been just as worried as I have."

"It's too late to call Florida right now." Glancing at the clock. "You know Mom, if the phone rings after 10:00 she thinks someone's died. I'll talk to her tomorrow." I promised.

"I'm pleased, no, make that thrilled, that you want to stay here, Bella. I've been afraid that you would want to move, to be just about anywhere but here. I know that living in Forks hasn't been everything you could have wanted." I gave a little grimace.

" But I'd be glad to have your company for a while longer. We were just starting to get really acquainted when that _boy_ came along." His tone was filled with disdain and resentment. "While you were with – him, I always had the feeling that you were slipping away from me somehow."

"You mean Edward, Dad," I smiled wanly. "You can say his name, I won't collapse or flip out or anything."

"Well, for a long time I couldn't be sure of that. For a while there…I really have never felt so helpless. Your reaction seemed so extreme, but then, nobody can really say how a person should react to a loss. When your mother left…"

He cleared his throat and looked out the window. "Just glad to have you back, Bells. These days, even though it seems like you're in La Push half the time, I just feel better about everything."

"I'm not quite at the 'Edward who?' stage, but I'm getting there. I'm really so sorry for everything I put you through this year. I just…." I faltered to a stop, there was no explanation I could give.

"That's all right, we get to start fresh now." He gave my hand a squeeze. "Now, uh, about Jacob."

"What about him?" I said, startled.

"Well, I think a lot of Jake, for his own sake, not just because he's the son of one of my oldest friends. I've known him since he was born; he's a good kid, in a lot of ways. Take the way he's been with Billy, what with his diabetes and Sarah's death and all. It's plain that he's devoted to you, honey; I guess I'm saying that I don't want to see him hurt. Is your friendship with him, well, it's not just gratitude or something on your part, is it?"

"Oh, Dad, of course I'm _grateful_ to him, how could I not be? But, lately…. " I heard Charlie chuckle and I gave a start. I realized I had been staring into space with a tiny smile on my face.

"That tells me what I wanted to know. Where is your swain tonight, anyway?"

I snickered, "It's Embry's birthday, so they're off being guys. They were full of stories of strippers and tattoos, but I think the actual agenda is the classic car rally down in Olympia with a visit to the Chinese buffet."

Charlie roared with laughter, "You think I ought to call Chief Hal and warn him what's about to happen to his fair city?"

"I think the people in line at the Golden Dragon Inn are in the most danger, maybe you ought to call the restaurant!" I rolled my eyes.

Charlie was still chuckling to himself as he went into the living room and sat down in front of the TV.

As I finished wiping the dishes, I thought about how much easier it was to be light-hearted since my talk with Billy. It had been such a relief to finally talk openly with someone about the whole strange story. Billy had remarked that guilty secrets drained the soul. He was right, of course: I had more energy than I'd had in many months. I was also sleeping through most nights with returns of the old nightmares only a few times a week.

The next day I made my call to Renee, who considered my plan only briefly before agreeing.

"But you will make time to come see me and Phil, right?" She pleaded. "I had kind of hoped that you might want to move down here…. Would I be right in thinking that this Jacob Black has some influence in your decision to say in Forks?"

"Well…." I began, Renee interrupted with a squeal.

"I knew it! He's been in your e-mails so much and Charlie really likes him, I know. So, is he cute?" She was almost babbling. My mother had always longed to talk boys with me and had been hard pressed to conceal her disappointment that I had had so little to discuss on the subject. Maybe I could satisfy her now.

"Yeah, you could definitely say he's cute. Um, great smile and tall, really tall. Nice brown eyes that laugh a lot, beautiful black hair, well, it _was_ beautiful, before he cut it off. I think he's growing it back because I liked it better long." I supplied.

"O-oh, good sign!" Renee giggled. "What sort of things do you guys do?"

"Well, you know Forks, mostly just simple stuff. We take a lot of walks on the beach and in the forest; Jake knows a lot of outdoorsy stuff. And he never makes me feel dumb because I not good at that kind of thing." I mused.

"Actually, now that I think of it, I've never spent so much time outside before. Not like I'm going to get sunburned here!" I laughed softly.

"We talk a lot, while he works on cars and – things." I had almost let 'motorcycles' slip out; Renee would be no more pleased than Charlie on that score, better to let the subject die.

"That sounds _so nice_, sweetie! So often falling in love with someone who's been a good friend works out better than the 'handsome stranger, swept off your feet' type thing." Her words made quite an impact on me as she continued, "You know, even with all the time I spent sitting at the hospital in Phoenix with Edgar,"

"Edward." I muttered.

"Whatever, I never felt like I really got to know him at all. Heaven knows, he was certainly divine to look at, and rich never hurts anything either-"

"Mother!" I interjected.

"Oh, I know, it's hardly important. But what I was saying is that there was something sort of, well, cold and distant about him. A little off-putting, in fact."

"Well, Jacob's certainly not like that." I cut in hastily; I really didn't want to talk about Edward, especially not on this topic. "You'll like him, I know."

"Should I invite him down to Jacksonville, as well?" She asked archly.

"I'll let you know, it's kind of early, maybe…" I trailed off.

"Of course, baby, just a thought. Um, sort of on the same topic, Bella, you say it's early, but things can often, uh, progress faster than you think. You will be _careful_, won't you?" She paused meaningfully. "I think you know what I'm saying, but do protect yourself, sweetie, accidents happen. Why do you think your father and I got married so quickly?"

"Oh, ah, " I broke in hastily, hoping to forestall any more embarrassing revelations.

"Not that I have even the slightest regrets about anything," Renee chirped on, "But certain things, like babies, are better if agreed on before hand. Catch my drift?"

"I-I'll certainly give it some thought." I fumbled out.

"Promise me," she said relentlessly.

"Okay,' I sighed, desperate to end this conversation, "I promise I will be – responsible - about, uh, about sex."

"Thank you," she said sweetly," I know you never break a promise."

We continued for a few minutes, talking about graduation and Phil's plans for the summer and other small talk.

After we said good night I reflected on how well my mother knew me: having extracted a promise for me to be responsible, well, I would now have to be. I would need to think this out, because she was right, it was definitely where Jake and I seemed to be heading.

All of a sudden, graduation was here and gone and I was a free woman, sort of.

Charlie insisted on giving me a cell phone, finally, saying that he was willing to relax some of my curfew rules, if I kept in touch, which seemed reasonable.

Renee sent me a set of luggage, and an orange bikini with a note attached that read: HINT, HINT! Subtle.

I also got the usual checks (gratefully accepted) and pen/pencil sets (Goodwill).

Jacob's graduation gift was my favorite: a simple silver chain bracelet with a charm shaped like a miniature wolf. He had carved it himself in the highly stylized tradition of the Quileute, with rolling eyes and huge teeth, the tiny figure exquisitely painted in the rich homemade pigments of the area. Every time I looked at it I felt a little lump in my throat at how much work and patience he had put into his gift.

A few days after commencement, a chance meeting with Angela Webber gave me an opportunity to follow through on one part of my plan for the year.

Such was my experience in Forks that I had never really made any close girlfriends: Alice's defection had been almost as painful as Edward's. Of the human girls that I knew Angela was far and away my favorite. Quiet, self-contained, non-judgmental, gently humorous; all in all excellent company. I was pleased when our carts collided at the Thriftway.

"Hey, Bella!" She exclaimed in her soft, clear voice. "I never did get a chance to talk to you at graduation, how is everything? Still hanging around with Jacob Black?" Her eyes twinkled, she already knew the answer. "I've always liked Jake and he seems a good fit for you, somehow."

"I didn't know you guys were friends." I said, with interest.

"Oh, more like good acquaintances, really." Angela shrugged. "You grow up in a place like this, you just sort of know everyone. And then, Papa takes a Sunday service out to the reservation every few weeks, all the churches do in turn, you know. So Jake and I used to chat at the youth meeting afterward."

"Wow, I had no idea that Jake was religious at all." Startled was putting it mildly.

"Oh, he isn't," she said, laughing comfortably, "It's more like a lack of entertainment on Sunday afternoons. He pretty much stopped coming long before you moved here. He was kind of… adrift after his mother died, you know."

"Yeah, I guess he would be." I said slowly. He was such a sturdy figure in my mind, my anchor to the earth, that the idea of Jacob _lost _was quite unsettling, though certainly understandable considering the circumstances.

I asked after Ben, who was in Colorado for the summer, then the conversation turned to our own respective plans and prospects.

As I reported to Charlie later that day: "Angela told me that she's taken a summer job at a little café in Port Angeles called 'Jitters'; it's a coffee bar and bakery with lunch service. She said the owner, Etta, is looking for more help through the tourist season and would like to get someone who could stay on afterwards – Angela will be going off to college in the fall. Anyway, she says it's a fun place to work, so I think I'll go check it out."

"Well, that may be your best bet, Bells, even with the commute." My dad said encouragingly, "The truck doesn't get very good mileage though…"

"Angela said, if I get the job, of course, that we can car pool, she drives a Camry, you know. I'll think of something for after she's gone. I won't let that stop me." I declared.

"Well, good luck, then. I hope it works out for you. Any chance at seconds on this?" He held out his plate hopefully.

As I dished out another piece of Baked Trout Provencal, I reflected that I could accomplish several things on my mental list on a trip to Port Angeles: I really needed some new clothes for summer. I had lately found myself wanting to wear something just a modicum more feminine as I hung around with Jacob. Jeans and t-shirt were fine for the garage or the woods, but other times….

Angela had said to stop by the café after lunch; I could shop in the morning, and see about fulfilling my promise to Renee at some point during the day.

~*~

OK, OK! So it's not the most gripping of chapters, think of it as a 'bridge'. Things DEFINITELY pick up in chapter 5!!

A review would be lovely!

Chapter 5. Tiny Fish

"Damn it, Bella! When do I get you to myself! I'm so fucking sick of this threesome in your head that I-."


	5. Chapter 5

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is intended.Moonshadow

Misunderstandings, reconciliation, and a new outlook for Bella…

**5. Tiny Fish**

My phone rang; it was Jake, of course.

"What time do you get off work tomorrow, Bella? Can we go for a ride somewhere? It's supposed to be nice out."

"I'm scheduled till three, after that I'm free. Where are we going?

"Out to the hatchery, I thought. It's pretty and there's never anybody there, we can be alone."

"Alone, huh? Should I be worried?"

"Sure, sure. Like I'd answer that! See you tomorrow."

As promised, Jake came to collect me at Jitters. As I saw him through the front window my mood soared and I gave an impulsive little hop of anticipation. I heard Angela and Etta giggle and whisper behind me. "You two are like the nosy kid sisters I never had." I laughed as I ran out the door.

We passed the thirty-minute drive in comfortable silence. I idly watched the Tsunami Escape Route signs flash by and reflected that this was the best summer I ever remembered; even the weather seemed brighter and warmer than usual. Maybe it was the effect of my own private sun.

Until now, I had thought the previous summer with Edward had been the pinnacle of experience. As I looked honestly at where life was taking me, I realized that as special and enraptured as I had felt in the dazzling vampire's company, it was just a heck of a lot more _fun_ to be with Jake. More relaxing, too.

I didn't have to spend so much time and energy watching my words or backtracking to explain myself when my actions somehow didn't match up to Edward's expectations or sense of propriety. The draw back to his turn-of-the-century courtesy was that he had expected the same attitudes from me.

It occurred to me now that, although Edward had been very witty, he was nowhere near as _humorous_ as Jacob, who always appreciated the absurdity of life. As Jake put it himself, he had a low BS threshold.

At the hatchery, Jacob parked and as I stepped from the car he took my hand and tucked under his arm.

"Ever been here?"

"As a kid, I think. You're right, it is pretty and peaceful." I answered, looking around.

Jacob showed me around the various tanks with their different-sized inhabitants, explaining the process of the hatchery and the sluices and locks that connected everything.

"You sure know a lot about all this, Jake"

"Well, I'm planning to go in to wild life management when I finish school, probably end up working for the state as a game warden or something. I'll never get rich, that's for sure, but it's steady."

He said this in a carefully off-hand manner but I could tell that he was proud of his plans. He watched me discreetly from the corner of his eye as if wanting to gage my opinion.

"Really, that's great! I think you'd be really good at that." I exclaimed, impressed that he had plans for the future while I was still stuck in limbo.

"Yeah, well, I think I've probably got some _extra insights_ into wild life," he laughed. "Plus, I should be able to stay on the Peninsula, keep an eye on Dad, y'know."

"It's good of you to think of that, Jacob," I said, meaning it.

"Sure, sure. I'm really all he's got now, Bells. The girls have pretty much jumped ship and he shouldn't be all alone. And…. " Jacob turned to take in the scene around us, his eyes seeming to see beyond to the mountains and trees outside of our vision. "I've never really been anywhere much to compare, but I love this place."

I tried to see with Jake's eyes. I had come to Forks very reluctantly and resented the chill climate with its lowering skies, mists and seemingly constant drizzle. Sometimes the mountains and massive trees all around gave me a sensation close to claustrophobia. Maybe if I could see it the way he did I could get to love it some day. That thought made me pause: was I really planning on

staying here?

"Will that work out with your pack duties?" I asked.

"Well, I'll make it work, somehow. I have to do _something_, I'm not going to sit around the rez like some people, drawing government checks and just drinking them up." His voice was heavy with disdain. "Don't get me wrong, I try not to be judgmental, people do what they do for their own reasons, but that's not for me."

"Anyway, who knows what will happen? It's been pretty slow lately, we're running patrols mainly as a matter of course these days." He shrugged.

"I know, I'm so relieved. It seems almost too good to be true that V-victoria could actually be gone. Do you suppose…?" I sighed.

"Too soon to tell, but we'll be watching." He assured me. Jake guided me to a concrete bench molded to look like a log and sat me down beside him, his arm around my waist. I allowed myself to relax against him, soaking in the feeling of security, and other things, his presence brought.

With his face buried in my hair he murmured, "Mmm, you smell good enough to eat."

I was preparing an encouraging answer when at that very same moment a bee flew at my face, causing me to flinch. Jacob's reaction astounded me as he leaped from the bench to face me and spat out, " You're doing it again, aren't you? Comparing me with that filthy bloodsucker that you can't let go of!"

"Damn it, Bella! When do I get you to myself! I'm so fucking sick of this threesome in your head that I-." He choked and was silent. My mouth hung open, aghast at his words and wild outburst. His eyes blazed and he was trembling.

"How long do I have to keep wondering what will happen if he does come back? Do you have any idea what it's like to keep laying myself open for you and never being sure just what your feelings are?" The words burst from him bitterly.

"Why do you keep me competing with a _dead guy_? Because that's what he is, someone who shouldn't even be walking around on earth. But you-."

Stung, I snapped out," Is that what you think is going on here? That this is some kind of _game_? That I'm just _amusing_ myself at your expense? Thanks for the lovely compliment!

He opened his mouth to reply, but I cut him off. "Why don't you shut up, you stupid MUTT!" It was his turn to gape at me.

"Yes, I make comparisons sometimes: I don't see how I could help it. And until four minutes ago you were _ahead_!" I burst into humiliating tears of rage and confusion.

He was instantly contrite, "Jeez, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lash out at you like that, that was really stupid of me." He knelt in front of me to be level with my face.

"It sure was! " I sobbed and hiccupped, trying to avoid looking into his anxious eyes.

Suddenly, everything went still, as if I were struck deaf. The subtle sounds of the wind and birds, the gurgle of the water system disappeared. Jacob's face came abruptly into sharp focus while everything around us dissolved in a blur. I seemed to fully see him as completely himself, not just as an adjunct to my being. For that instant_ I couldn't see or hear or feel anything_ _that wasn't Jacob._

I had been in earth temblors in California, the sensation was similar: it was as if the world had gotten a quick shake like an area rug, now everything was falling back into its proper place. Just as suddenly, everything snapped back to normal, everything, that is, but my acute new awareness of Jacob Black.

"Uh, Bella?" His worried face peered into mine, "Aren't you speaking to me? Really, I am so sorry! Aw, don't cry, please." He put his arms around me and pressed his lips against my hair as I leaned into his chest. "I don't know how to put this really, I get …scared sometimes.

"You, scared?" I looked up in amazement. "You're the most confident person I know, Jake."

"Sure, sure. And a good actor, too, I guess. It's just that most of the time I'm absolutely _certain_ that this," he gestured to the two of us, "will work out the way I hope, that I just have to be patient enough – it sure seems like you're coming around, a lot of the time." He gave a shaky smile and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Then other times," he sighed heavily, " I just know that I've got to be crazy to

think I could ever get so lucky, especially since – since I want it so much!"

He looked at me wistfully, his face so sad and sweet, vulnerability plain in his eyes. "I'm just so in love with you, Bells. I have been since, well, forever." His simple words of devotion caused my eyes to fill up again.

"Oh, no, what did I say now?" He groaned.

"I'm fine, I'm good, really." I choked out. "Happy."

"Girls!" He huffed as he pulled me closer.

It was dusk when Jacob pulled up at the house; to my surprise he stepped out of the car and walked me solemnly to the door.

"This is new." I ventured.

"You're being courted, get used to it," he said smugly. He gripped my shoulders and kissed me quickly, but thoroughly. "See you later," as he skipped lightly down the steps to the car, whistling _Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf_.

Inside, Charlie looked up from the television, "Does that kid even bother to get dressed any more? He seems half naked every time I see him lately."

"Jake's kind of hard on clothes." I answered in a massive understatement and took a deep breath. "This time was my fault, I was crying and-"

"Crying!" Charlie interrupted, turning around.

"We sort of had a fight, but it's okay now. Anyway, there wasn't any Kleenex so he offered me his shirt-"

"He gave you his shirt to use as a hanky? Gross!" Charlie burst in again.

"That's what I said, but Jake told me he didn't want to kiss a girl with a runny nose and the shirt was wet anyway from my crying all over it and that I might as well use the last dry spot on it to clean up." I blurted out in a rush. "So I did."

"And did he kiss you?"

"Ye-e-s." I said demurely, my eyes cast down.

"Good for him!" my father smirked.

"Well, it's hardly the first time, you know, Dad!"

"Oh, I know," he answered complacently, "Just good to hear that it's getting to be a habit with him." He said it lightly enough, but I knew that he liked the idea of the two of us together.

Needing to break the tension, I said briskly "I'll go get some supper together, is the rest of that mushroom-barley soup I made the other night okay?"

"That'll be great, honey. You take care of me pretty good, thanks."

Charlie's eyes were distant; I wondered where his thoughts were taking him.

In the kitchen as I mechanically moved to heat soup and bread and threw together a salad, I let my mind roam back to the rest of the afternoon.

On the concrete log by the pond, Jake had pulled my legs across his so that I was draped over his lap. The unusual heat of his body and the woodsy scent of his skin made me feel slightly light headed in the most pleasant way. His large hand lightly cupped my chin as he pressed the softest of kisses around the edges of my lips. "I'll never make you regret giving me a chance," he promised in a whisper.

He nuzzled my hair, I could feel his hot breath on my neck. I shivered as I felt his teeth gently graze my earlobe. His soft laugh at my response turned to a faint growl that made my head spin. His lips made a path down the nape of my neck, I could feel the little hairs stand up as a thrill swept over me. My hands were irresistibly drawn to the smooth skin of his chest and I allowed my fingers to explore the muscles I had been covertly admiring for so long; it was like running my hand over heated silk.

He gathered me closer, my arm slipped around his neck. He gently sucked my lower lip in between his and released it. He kissed me full on the mouth and parted my lips with his tongue. A surge of electricity shot straight through my body, causing me to inhale deeply. Jake pulled away from me enough to look into my eyes, "This is good, isn't it?" Breathless, I just nodded.

As he returned to the kiss, he slowly drew the edge of his thumbnail down my spine, leaving a trail of fire on my skin. My nipples were hard in an instant; my flesh actually ached for his touch. I grasped his hand and molded it around my breast, his thumb circled the erect peak and I arched myself still closer to him. His breath rattled harshly in his throat as he crushed his mouth against mine, insistent and demanding. I had never been so aware of his strength and his hunger for me before. My hand twisted in his hair, my desire for him almost choking me.

Abruptly Jacob's hands fell away as he pulled back along the bench. His pupils were so dilated as to make his eyes look black, his jaws clenched together as we stared at one another. He untangled my hands and legs and jumped up to stand a few feet away, looking up to the treetops.

"Jake, what's the matter? Did I do something wrong?" I asked, timidly.

"No, not wrong. Rather, too right!" He turned and smiled ruefully at me. "I promised you that this would be at the pace you're comfortable with – I really don't want to screw this up! But it's hard to remember to put the brakes on when you're like _that_!"

He blinked and his face took on a mischievous leer. "Of course, I could always drag you into the woods and ravish you!" he growled.

Playing along, I clasped my hands over my heart, squeaking, "Eek, I'm in danger of being ravished?" The thought was far from unwelcome.

"Mmmm, the lusty red-skinned savage has his way with the helpless white maiden!" He wiggled his thick, black eyebrows threateningly and stepped forward to snatch me off the bench, throwing me lightly over his shoulder. I giggled and pretended to struggle as he carried me - back to the car.

~*~

Please tell me what you thought!

Chapter 6. Black and Blue

"How much do you know about imprinting, Bella?"


	6. Chapter 6

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is intended.Moonshadow

In which Bella learns still more surprising, and troubling, things about Jacob…

**6. Black and Blue**

"Dad," I began hesitantly. "What exactly happened with Jacob's mother? Nobody ever talks about her, was there something wrong with her? I know she died in a car accident, so why do people always change the subject in such a hurry?"

Charlie sighed and, to my great amazement, turned off the TV. I began to have n uneasy feeling.

"It's not a happy story, Bella. I'm glad you asked me instead of the Blacks, I'm sure that it's something they'd like to forget as much as possible."

He took a deep breath and began, "Sarah Black was a very handsome woman in the way the Quileute can be, Jake gets his looks from her. His brains, too. She went to university and came back to teach at the reservation school. That's when she caught Billy's eye."

"Billy was quite a good-looking fellow in those days, too, and he had a good job, driving a log truck for Trask's. Anyway, he pursued her until she agreed to marry him, even though there was a fair difference in their ages. Maybe that had something to do with what happened, who knows." He gave a small shrug.

I could feel my muscles tensing and tried to relax them, I had a feeling I wasn't going to like what was coming.

"Sarah had always been what you might call a little unstable, had some problems with drinking too much at times. Still she kept on at the school, had the twins, Rachel and Rebecca, she seemed to go along pretty well for some years. I know that Billy hoped that he had loved her enough to stop her wild ways." He sighed.

"Then Jacob came along, and she pretty much fell to pieces."

Charlie paused and looked into a distance where I couldn't follow. "The truth of the matter is that Sarah Black was an alcoholic and drug abuser, no putting a good face on it. She started disappearing periodically, often taking Jacob with her. She'd be gone for a week or two, then call home, broke, crying, strung out and ask Billy to come get her." He grimaced in disgust and pity.

"Sometimes she called me, I don't really know why; maybe she thought I'd be a buffer between the two of them. I didn't really want to, but for the sake of my friend I'd go bail her out or whatever and bring her home."

"She took Jake with her?" I whispered, horrified.

Charlie nodded and said, "There's no easy way to put this, Bells. I know, from police reports, that often she, uh, she picked up men in the bars she went to, and, well, you can guess. While her little son was with her."

My eyes filled with tears, pity for Jacob and Billy, as well as fury at someone who could treat others in this callous fashion.

"Honey, I've been a cop for almost twenty-five years and even in a little place like Forks you get to see a lot of the ugly things human beings can do to each other. You see it and you learn to move past it, you have to." Charlie choked and was silent for a moment. "But I'll tell you honestly, Bella, it makes my blood run cold to think of what she put that boy through and what he must have seen."

Clearing his throat, he went on, "Then, one day, I got a call from the sheriff in Yakima County, that Sarah had been killed in a car accident. Law enforcement in small towns is a sort of community: you get to know people you haven't even met, really. The call was a courtesy, from one officer to another, because Sarah hadn't been alone -."

"But Jake wasn't there, was he?" I interrupted.

"Oh, no. By this time he was about eleven, already a sizeable kid, too big to be taken where he didn't want to go. No, she was with a - client, I guess you could say. A married man. His family was able to hush things up on their end, but I got to be the one to break the news to my old friend." He said with a heavy sigh.

"I guess it really was better that way, than for Billy to hear it from a stranger. He told the kids himself, of course. Then I took him out east to ID the body and make the arrangements. I hope I never have to make a trip like that again." Charlie looked ten years older, his face set in grim lines.

"I-I had no idea it was like that." I quavered. "I sort of wish I hadn't asked, I feel…burdened. And like I don't know how to face Jacob. How completely awful!"

Charlie nodded, "Now you know why I've always had such a high opinion of him. Even as young as he was, he was a great support for Billy – you've seen how they are together. Now that the girls have left home…. The kid's got a big heart, honey, there's a lot to him." He gave me a watery smile and picked up the

remote.

"I'll leave it up to you, Bella, if you want to bring it up with him. You'll know if the time is right."

I curled in on myself in the big chair, thinking about what I had just learned. This did answer a great many questions about Jake: his closeness with his father; his despite for people who drank and drugged excessively; his empathy for me when I was broken. I marveled at how resilient he was to have come through such a situation and be the sweet, funny, amazing person he was. My respect for him seemed to grow every day.

A few days later I drove out to La Push to spend the afternoon with Jake. My phone was ringing as I pulled up to Billy's house. It was Jacob, explaining that Billy's doctor appointment was taking longer than expected, that they would be later than planned.

"You're sure you don't mind waiting, Bells?"

"Maybe I'll go over to Emily's, I haven't visited with her for a while. See you when you get here."

It was a nice summer day, for La Push: cool, overcast and not yet raining. I decided to leave the truck and walk. The village was so tiny the walk was hardly enough to stretch my legs before I approached Emily's little house with the blue door.

I reflected on how different things were between us now: her original hostility because of my association with the Cullens had changed to friendly acceptance along with my attachment to Jake. We were getting to be fairly close.

I was finding easier to look at her full on in the face, instead of shifting my gaze from the ruined side to the perfect side, a reflex that made me cringe inside: she must get so much of that.

I knocked and Sam opened the door. I explained myself as he ushered me in, Emily smiling a greeting as she held up the coffee pot invitingly. I had developed the coffee habit as a side effect of working at Jitters, although I still thought it smelled better than it tasted.

"I made some brownies this morning, care for one or four?" She offered archly.

"How do you stay so slim, with all the baking you do?" I asked enviously,

"I don't usually get to spend much time alone with such things." Emily laughed. "The pack can smell can smell brownies as far as the Canadian border."

The conversation turned to friendly inquiries and discussions of the pack and the village. At a pause I forced myself to ask a question that had been consuming a lot of my thoughts lately.

"Um, Sam, I feel sort of funny asking this, but do you think that Jake has… maybe, imprinted on me? I can't get an answer from him and, well, I can't help wondering…." My voice trailed off as I saw him frown slightly. He didn't respond immediately and my heart began to sink.

"It's a valid question, Sam." Emily gently chided. "After all, Bella sees us and - and Leah…. I know I'd be concerned. It was a complete surprise what happened. I don't know if it would have been easier if I'd known ahead of time, but since Bella _does_ know I think she deserves an answer."

Sam replied in his deep voice, "I'm just trying to figure out how to word this." My breath stopped. "Bella, in spite of all the lore that has been passed down from our ancestors, I keep finding out new things about wolf-kind all the time. Whether it's because things have been forgotten or misinterpreted or what, I don't know."

"Yeah," I said with false bravado, "Where's that _Supernatural Critters for_ _Dummies_ when you need it?"

"Maybe I'll have to write it myself," he said with a rumbling laugh. "What I can tell you is that Jacob's feelings for you are unusual, to say the least. But there's a lot that's unusual about Jake."

"Do tell." I muttered wryly. "What do you mean exactly?"

"He's shown remarkable– talent, I guess you'd call it. The ability to phase back and forth so readily, for instance. That kind of control is supposed to take years, possibly generations, to master. Yet he has it now, he's as good at it as me." Sam shrugged, apparently somewhat less comfortable with the notion than his casual tone let on.

"He also has greater capabilities in the pack-mind than is said to be common. We all hear, and feel, what each other is experiencing." Here I shivered a little.

"Yes, it is pretty weird, at first. But in Jake's case I would say that the group communication is more, well, _nuanced_, is the word that comes to mind. He has considerable subtlety; he's quite intuitive of what's in the minds of his brothers.

"Subtle. We're talking about the same Jacob Black, right?" Was all I could think to say.

Emily smiled knowingly, "Oh, I think Jacob has shown rather astonishing subtlety, on certain issues." She looked just too, too innocent as I shot her a suspicious glance.

"But how does this effect how he feels about me?" Getting back to the question that bothered me so.

"How much do you know about imprinting, Bella?"

"Not much, really." I conceded. "Jake would only say that it wasn't like 'love at first sight', which isn't especially helpful."

Sam and Emily laughed at my flat tone. "No, it's not what you'd call romantic, at least not at first." admitted Sam. His eyes met Emily's with a look of such intense ardor that I was forced to look away, feeling as if I had intruded on an act of intimacy.

Sam continued, "_It's more like…gravity moves. When you see _her_, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her_…." His voice drifted to a stop.

"Jacob hasn't experienced such a, uh, _reorganization_ of the world." He continued.

"We've known each other for quite a while," I said faintly. Was Sam about to tell me that my newfound, and very hard-won, happiness with Jake was in danger of someone he hadn't met yet? I didn't think I could bear it if that happened.

"We all have, more or less. I'm sorry if I'm not being very clear here, Bella. Imprinting really isn't all that common; it's quite rare, in fact. My sense is that Jacob was already connected to you in a very powerful manner and was just waiting for you to come along. He didn't make any changes because, somehow, he already knew that you were the one, and on your way. Don't ask me how…." Sam shrugged apologetically.

"Look at the way he was able to circumvent a direct Alpha command not to tell you about his inclusion in the pack, pretty significant, really." Emily broke in.

"One more thing," Sam went on, "When we're phased, I can sort of see the bonds that connect the imprinted wolf to his mate, we all can. In Emily's case, I can see the connection back to me, but not with the other girls, only their wolves. Except for you: your connection with Jake is as strong as his to you."

"You mean I'm also tied up in some mystical, wolfy thing with _Destiny_ and _Fate_ and that kind of stuff?" I strangled out, dismay, scorn and hope all battling in my voice.

"I know it sounds silly, especially when you put it that way," Emily said serenely, "But be honest, Bella. If, say, two years ago, someone had told you that werewolves and vampires were facts, were _real_, and that your life would become bound up with these beings, what would you have thought?"

"And really, what else could you call something as singular and powerful as imprinting, _but_ mystic destiny?" Her calm assurance was a forceful argument.

"Not to scold you, Bella," Sam put in, "But that particular attitude _might_ just be why Jacob hasn't wanted to discuss it with you." He gave me a sympathetic smile, nonetheless.

I sighed in embarrassment, he was right, of course.

"But, to answer your real question, I don't think you have to worry about him suddenly finding a soul mate in someone else. Jake may not have had the _jolt_ the rest of us experienced, but to the best of my ability to tell, your lives are joined at a fundamental level."

"I always wondered just how he knew where to find you that day… ah, the cliff and all." Emily murmured thoughtfully.

"You said it was like gravity moves…." I said slowly, as a memory surfaced. "Could it be like - your own personal earthquake?"

Sam agreed, "Yes, I think that would be a very accurate way of describing the experience. How do you know?"

Hesitantly, I related the strange world shift I had experienced that afternoon at the hatchery.

"It was somehow as if Jacob got completely re-defined for me. I couldn't see him the way I used to, even when I tried." I muttered lamely.

Emily gave Sam an eloquent look at this admission, but all she said was, "Anyone for another brownie?"

We talked, more lightly, of the other imprinted couples, Jared and Kim, and Quil and little Claire. Emily maintained that she wasn't disturbed over the latter imprint, but we all winced slightly and then gave a self-conscious laugh in unison.

A short time later, Jake pulled up in the Rabbit, a light rain having started. The brief drive to the little red house at the edge of the forest was quiet, we were both lost in our own thoughts.

The house was silent as we entered.

"Dad was pretty tired, he decided to lie down for a while." Jake explained softly. "The doctor wasn't very encouraging; there's various things they can try, but it looks like he'll lose his right foot before too long."

Not knowing what to say, I just put my arms around his big waist and pulled him close.

Taking a deep breath, he said quietly, "I really have to face that he may not be here a whole lot longer, you know. First Mom, now him, then… I'll be alone. The twins don't seem to want to belong to the family any more."

Tear pricked my eyes as I cupped his face in my hands and looked up at him. "I know it's not the same, but you won't be alone, I won't let you be." I promised.

"Thanks." He said simply, with a tremulous smile.

We sat on the loveseat. Jake filled it, so I draped my legs across his and leaned my head on his shoulder.

"Um, Jacob? Dad told me about your mom, how she was and all. And how she died. I'm sorry. It must have been bad."

"Yeah, well, she just couldn't seem to get square with how she felt inside and the way life is. Now she never will." His tone was wistful.

"This sounds awful, but right after she died, I was so relieved. She'd put us through so much. It was like getting out of jail or something when she…went." He stumbled over the words.

"Doesn't sound so awful," I tried to reassure him, honestly, "it sounds reasonable."

"Then I was so _angry_ for a while at how selfish and…and cruel she could be sometimes. Sometimes there wouldn't be anything to eat, she'd be so loaded she just forgot. And there were other things…but you don't want to hear about that." His face was taut with remembered pain.

Recalling, as from a former life, this boy promising that he would never let me down, that I could always count on him, I vowed to myself silently that someday I would hear the rest of that story.

"But I have to admit that she could be really fun, sometimes, and make even ordinary things seem like an adventure. That's a good quality, you know?"

"I _do_ know: you've inherited it. It's… well, it was a life saver for me." I said softly.

Clearing my throat, I went on, "I feel silly admitting this, but I remember thinking, back when I first started hanging out here, what just a simply happy person you were, but there's really a lot more to it than that, isn't there? It's not especially simple."

"Oh, it's not especially complicated either. At some point I realized that I had a choice. I could let the anger take me, which would mean that I'd probably end up like her, just trying to take the pain away. Or I could be something else. I could choose to be happy. Like anything else, it gets to be a habit, you know. So, it really is pretty simple." He shrugged.

"You said something like that the day of Harry's funeral, that people had to choose to mend, and then keep on choosing it." I recalled.

"I said that? Man, I must be pretty deep, huh?" He laughed, making me rejoice inside. "Anyway, don't give me too much credit, I didn't invent it or anything!"

"I had sort of thought that maybe you got things like that from being in the pack mind…." I ventured.

"Sure, sure." He snorted. "Sharing minds with _Paul_ has brought whole new realms of light and meaning to my drab, wretched existence!" We both snickered at the thought, breaking the somber mood we had been in.

Jacob stretched hugely, saying, "I need some air. I need to run! Clear my head. Want to come? The rain stopped."

"I couldn't possibly keep up with you!" I protested.

"I meant as a passenger." His mouth twisted in my favorite grin. "I recall promising you a wolf ride quite a while ago. You'll love it! Better than the bikes, even. No noise, no fumes and you can go _anywhere_!"

I took a deep breath, "Okay, I'm game. Let's go!"

~*~

A review would be grand; I'd like to know what you think!

**Chapter 7. Momentum**

"Jacob, I think it's time we took our relationship, uh, that we –that we take the brakes off." This was so difficult! Why I couldn't I be confident and poised?


	7. Chapter 7

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is

Bella tells Jacob what's on her mind….

**7. Momentum**

We were lounging on the sofa at my house talking about nothing in particular when I finally blurted out something that had been on my mind a lot lately.

"Jacob, I think it's time we took our relationship, uh, that we –that we take the brakes off." This was so difficult! Why I couldn't I be confident and poised?

"How do you mean, honey?" He asked politely.

"You said it would be up to me, and, well-." I could feel myself blushing with amazing intensity as I made futile motions with my hands.

"Wow, you're as red as, o-o-o-h! I get it!" He had been leaning forward to see into my face, now he flopped back against the sofa, a smile quivering on his lips. "Um, did you mean tonight?" He was rather startled but far from displeased.

"Oh, well, that would be, uh, rushing more than I thought, but s-soon, very soon." More stammering, great!

Jake nodded thoughtfully to himself, his eyes far away. "So, when do you think you can get a couple of days off work?" he said matter-of-factly.

"A couple of _days_!" I squeaked

"Bells, honey, there's not time enough in the world to do all the things I've dreamed of doing with you!" He raised a wicked eyebrow. A pleasant flutter started in my stomach at his words, but I reminded myself that I needed to be completely honest here.

"Um, while I'm being so…frank, I guess I should, uh, mention that I really don't have any…experience in these things." I mumbled awkwardly.

"You don't?" He was plainly surprised. "Could have fooled me! Not even with the bloodsu- _him? _I mean_, _Jeez, Bells, everyone could see the way you looked at him and you two were practically welded together for so long. I just always thought…" His face was unfathomable as he looked intently at me.

"Well, it wasn't like that." I confessed reluctantly. "He was… he thought…." I faltered and fell silent.

"Really." Jacob's voice was flat with disbelief. He muttered to himself, "Why am I not surprised to hear it was all _his_ decision?"

In a normal tone, he continued. "What about before? In Phoenix? I always thought you Big City girls were so fast and all." His lips twisted in a teasing grin but his eyes were questioning.

"Not this one." I murmured ruefully. "Sorry."

"You sure apologize for the strangest things, Bella!" Suddenly, Jake laughed and leaned head against the sofa back. "Joke's on me I guess!"

"How do you figure?" I grumbled. This wasn't exactly going as I'd planned.

"Here I wasted all this energy on insane jealousy, thinking of you - _with_ him, and nothing was going on at all!" he guffawed, "I always hated him for being - what he was, _and_ getting to be with you! Now I guess I should feel sort of sorry for him, since he was obviously insane or mentally deficient or something! How could anyone have a girl like you and not…." He gave a drawn out sigh and appreciatively ran his eyes up and down my body.

"Well, I'm glad you feel that way, I think." I muttered, a trifle off balance. "I take it it's not like that for you?"

"Well, no. I mean, most people _do_, Bella. Is it a problem?" His eyes were slightly challenging. "Offers were made, I accepted. _You_ were madly in love with

someone else, after all. "

A memory of a very pretty face seething with resentment surfaced in my mind, the girl at Harry's funeral, Callie. I quickly banished it.

"Oh, no, Jacob." I threw my arms around his neck, "Not a problem. It's…reasonable. Actually, I'm – kind of _relieved_, I guess. That way we're not both complete novices!" I kissed him thoughtfully, and then added, "Would it, um, have mattered, if I _had_…?"

"Well, I like that! You really think I'd be that kind of a hypocrite?" He exclaimed in indignation. "So long as it's _me_ you really want," he tapped his broad chest, "no, it wouldn't have mattered."

I nodded; he had made it clear that he was happy to take any part of me that I offered honestly. "I want you." I breathed over a constriction in my throat, he had no idea!

"Then, things being as they are, let's just say that…I'm honored, Bells." His deep brown eyes were wide and soft. His face hovered over mine, our lips just barely brushing, as potent as any kiss.

"Now, what were we talking about? Ah, timing." He pulled me back to reality with his words.

"I'll have to think of something to tell Charlie." I gulped.

"In case you haven't noticed, Bells, Charlie is totally Team Jacob, he likes me." Probably something real simple will be fine." He continued airily, "Kind of 'I'm going to sleep over in La Push, Dad, so that Jake can make love to me all night long', casual-like.'

I gasped in horror, "Why, Jacob Black, I could nev-" when I realized his eyes were twinkling wickedly at me. "Great idea, Jake, _you_ tell him that."

"Honey, I hate to admit this, but even _I_ am not brazen enough to approach a man wearing a side arm and ask 'Okay if I deflower your daughter, sir?'"

We were both struck down completely with the giggles, rolling on the living room floor; every time our laughter slowed and we started to calm down, Jake would repeat his remark and send us off again. Finally, gasping and still chuckling, we settled down on the sofa once more.

"And here I thought you were bullet-proof!" I snickered.

"That would be only slightly easier to explain to your father!" He chortled out.

I asked something that had puzzled me. "Jacob, where does all the frilly language come from? Ravish and deflower and all? Are you a secret romance reader?" To my surprise he looked rather sheepish. "I'm right?" I hooted triumphantly.

"Give me a break here. My sisters used to check them out sometimes. Our little library is pretty limited, you know. I admit I read a couple just 'cause they were there." He gave an embarrassed smile.

"Beats me why the committee would think that a bunch of reservation Indians would want to read about red-haired English ladies getting abducted by handsome pirates who turn out to be Dukes in disguise, but there you are." He shrugged. " Any way I finally got a chance to use that garbage; guess it's right when they say no learning is ever wasted."

"Oh, stop! I don't want to laugh any more! My stomach hurts!" I wailed.

"Aw, crushed again! Some of my best stuff here and my girl says I make her stomach hurt!" He pouted, adorably.

With my heart pounding so hard that I was sure he must be able to hear it, I opened my mouth to tell him of the feelings that filled my soul, but he silenced me with a finger to my lips.

"That's enough talking for now, Bells. I want to convince you that you've made the right decision." He reached over me to snap off the lamp. Only a faint light shone thru the sheer curtains from the porch.

"There's not enough room up here, you need a bigger sofa." He observed.

"You mean _you_ need a sofa the size of the Port Angeles ferry!" I parried.

Jacob tossed the quilted throw from the back of the sofa to the floor, followed by a few pillows. Arranging them to his satisfaction he pulled me to the floor with him. "When does Charlie get home?" he murmured in my ear.

"Not till midnight," I said smugly, as I settled beside him, "Steve's wife had the baby and he wanted to trade shifts for a few weeks."

Jacob smoothed my hair back from my face, looking intently into my eyes. "Ah, Bella, you're full of surprises tonight."

I bit my lower lip, wondering what to say.

"_Don't_ start apologizing again!" He teased. "I just have to rethink a few things, that's all." He pressed his fiery lips to the vulnerable spot beneath my ear that always made me shiver, moving downward with agonizing slowness to my shoulder, then working back up my throat to my lips.

His hand crept under my shirt, exploring my back and sides. Sliding gently over my ribs, just grazing the side of my breast. As at the hatchery, I felt a sudden, aching hunger for his touch. I pressed his hand to my breast with mine and rejoiced at his sharp intake of breath. I needed more of him.

I gently pushed away and sat up. Gathering my courage, I pulled my shirt off over my head. I unhooked my bra, slipping it off and tossing it away in what I hoped was a casual manner. I had never been this exposed with a man before, I, who had barely _kissed_ a boy before coming to Forks. I turned to Jacob, saying, "Fair's, fair? Don't you think?" as I tugged at his t-shirt.

He flung the shirt aside and lay back, pulling me on top of him. He seemed to feel the same awe as I did as our bodies pressed together, skin against skin, content just to hold each other for that long moment. His skin was blazing hot; it reminded me of the Arizona sun that I missed so much.

He turned my face up to his with a finger under my chin, initiating one of his spectacular slow kisses that kindled a fire at my core. I slowly slid to my side, pressing a thigh between his legs and pulling him to face me as my hands roamed over his back and flanks and chest, reveling in his smooth warmth.

"Bella," he whispered huskily, running his forefinger in a line from my mouth, down my throat, between my breasts, stopping to draw little circles around my navel. "I want to make you feel good; what do you like?"

"Oh, ah," I choked out. I had absolutely no words to tell him these things, no experience to guide me. Jacob seemed to realize this as he murmured, "Show me how you do yourself, I'll follow along." He chuckled lovingly, "I can feel you blushing, Bells! It's _me_."

I considered for a moment; yes, I could do this. I slipped my capris off. I knew it was silly, since I had just told Jacob that I wanted him to be my lover, but I decided at the same moment that I wasn't ready for the panties to go yet. I arranged myself on my back with Jake stretched out his side next to me; he was left-handed, but I knew he could adapt.

Jacob began to slowly brush his lips from my hairline and over my neck and shoulder as I caressed a breast with one hand, gently teasing the nipple to hardness. My other hand slipped into my panties, fingering my cleft where I was already slick and wet. Jake's large hand joined mine and I taught his fingers my rhythm. His hand, so huge and strong, was exquisitely delicate and probing, searching out new sensations so different from my own touch. I felt the lower half of my body begin to dissolve beneath his hand.

Jake shifted and I almost screamed as I felt his tongue circle my breast. My hand fell away as I was absorbed in the magic of his mouth on my flesh. My breath came faster, hoarse and urgent. I felt Jake's lips move against me, "Yes, Bella, that's it."

I moved my hips and pressed on his hand to give me more pressure and friction as my excitement mounted. I arched my back to encourage Jacob to suck me harder. I heard myself cry out wordlessly as I peaked, feeling his hands tighten on me, his breath ragged with desire.

We lay together quietly, as I came back to earth, Jacob gently stroking my hair and face and body. "You're so beautiful, Bells," he breathed. I knew it wasn't true, but it was nice to hear.

I roused myself from my languor and rolled on top of him, deliberately pressing my hips against him. It was easy to feel how aroused he was. " What can I do for _you_?" I whispered, hearing him hiss as I flicked my tongue over his nipple, it hardened instantly. He slipped out from under me and I helped him slide off his drawstring cotton shorts.

My knowledge was very limited on this subject but in my opinion he looked perfect, if dauntingly large – everything about Jacob was super-size! I hesitantly laid my hand on him and marveled at the feel of velvet over iron, "Tell me what to do," I whispered humbly. His hand surrounded mine and, just as I had taught him, he showed me his stroke, guiding my fingers to his sensitive v-spot. I felt a surge of gratification, as his breathing grew rough.

"Um, can I show you something else I really like?" He murmured, with a smile in his voice.

"Of course," I said, more bravely than I felt.

He stripped off my panties, giving me a small pang of anxiety, but to my surprise he lifted me gently by the hips and arranged me to straddle his face. "Now is when I could wish for better light," he sighed. "The view is fantastic!" as he gazed up, past my mound to my breasts and my flushed, heated face.

With a growl he buried his mouth between my lips, teasing my already sensitive clit with his tongue. With one hand he lightly but firmly clasped my waist to steady me; I could tell his other hand was busy behind me but the wonder of his mouth working over my cleft took all my attention.

I had thought his fingers were knowledgeable; his tongue brought a whole new level of response. I could feel another climax building within me; I gasped, throwing my head back. I clutched my hands in my own hair as wave after wave gripped me. I had barely recovered when Jake arched and groaned; his breath forced from his mouth in barking rasps. He gave a triumphant laugh and pulled me back to press his face to my core once more, then released me.

I cuddled beside him to hold and caress him as he had me. He bent his head over to kiss me deeply so that I could taste my essence on his lips. We lay enraptured, with only sighs and whispers to break the quiet as we explored each other's bodies.

*****

"You know, that ravishment suggestion is still a possibility." Jake murmured.

"Hey now, a little while ago you were talking about "two days" and "all night ' and such. What happened with that?" I demanded with mock indignation.

Jacob sighed, "You're right, another time would be better. I hate clock watching!" He gently put me aside and got to his feet.

"You have to go?" I whimpered.

"If I don't go now, I never will – and that _would_ be difficult to explain to Charlie!"

He helped me dress and straighten the living room, slowed down by frequent kisses and caresses.

"Wow, you're making me dizzy." I sighed.

"It gets better." He promised, smiling down at me.

******

This was the very first lemon I ever wrote…but not the last – more tart juiciness to come!! Let me know how you liked it!

**Chapter 8. Wildlife Management**

"So, what did you want to know?" He asked, as we stepped onto the street once more.

"All sorts of things! It's not like there's any tips in _Glamour_ magazine about werewolf dating etiquette!" I rolled my eyes.

Please check out my new fic: **A Hair of the Dog that Bit Me**

It's an AH/AU Jacobella, submitted for the Sorta Beautiful Challenge


	8. Chapter 8

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is intended.**Moonshadow**

Bella learns more about Jacob's wild side…

**8. Wildlife Management**

A couple of days later Angela and I were in the kitchen at Jitters helping Etta close down for the day when I heard the front door of the café open. Jacob's voice called out," It's just me! I had to come pick up some parts for Dowling on the 2:30 ferry, so I thought I'd give my girlfriend a ride home."

He smiled greetings at the girls through the pick up window. Out of his view, Etta rolled her eyes and shook her hand as if cooling burnt fingers, "So hot!" she mouthed at me as she gestured for me to go on.

An unexpected benefit to this job had been the development of the friendship between me, Angela and Etta. Ange was off to school at the end of the summer, but it gave me a nice feeling of continuity to know that I would go on working at the pleasant café through the winter, enjoying the busy days and the company there, owner and customers alike.

Stopping on the front porch, Jake turned and said, "Don't I get a hello? You weren't so stand-offish the other night." I felt my face redden at his knowing grin, as I reached up on tiptoe to kiss him. The memory of our intimacy swirled in my head as I pressed my lips against his, parting them with my tongue. The thoughts of the things that had passed between us, as well as things to come, made me drape my body against his full length, forgetting where we were.

"That's more like it." Jake whispered huskily, disentangling us and giving me a meaningful look.

As we left, Jake remarked that he had the rest of the afternoon off, would I like to go to the gelateria down the street before heading back to Forks. He knew my weaknesses well.

Like Jitters, this establishment was in an old bungalow-style house converted to its current purpose. Behind the serving counter and along one wall was a gigantic mirror. I could look discretely at Jacob and myself as we waited our turn. How striking, and sexy, he looked. Etta was right: he _was_ hot, just how accurate that was, she didn't even know. I chuckled inwardly.

I could also see the effect that the combination of his russet skin, white teeth and black hair tied back with a doo rag were having on other patrons of the gelateria. The admiring glances of the other girls, and grown women – some of them even older than Renee! I thought with indignation – gave me an unsettled feeling. I'd never harbored doubts about his devotion to me, but this covert look at would-be competition was somewhat dismaying. Jake was serenely unaware of being scrutinized.

Ironic, wasn't it? I chided myself, not so long ago I had been thinking of ways to try to discourage Jacob and now I was feeling pangs of, well, of jealousy, almost. Insecurity, certainly. Not that he'd given me any reason to feel that way. I had basked in his admiration so contentedly of late, had felt myself to be pretty and desirable when I was with him, that the remembrance of the old sense of inadequacy was most disagreeable.

"Earth to Bella." His voice broke in on this dark reverie. I tore my gaze from the mirror and looked straight into his brown eyes, which were full of humor and indulgence. "What flavor do you want, honey? You were about a million miles away there."

I chose Crème Brulee, always a favorite. Jacob got a triple, of course: Chocolate-Orange, Pistachio and Honey-Vanilla Bean. All the wolves had such enormous appetites. I remarked on this as we took a table.

"Takes a lot of fuel to power a machine like this." Jake replied with a smirk, thumping his chest. Lowering his voice, he added, "As well as the energy required to phase and all, you know."

"Tell me about that. Please. We've never really talked about the substance of being, er, what you are. I'd really like to know, it's a big part of your life now." I gazed steadily at him, hoping that he would understand how important he had become to me.

"Okay, but lets get some place where we can't be overheard so easily. How about that little park by the marina? We can watch the boats go by." I nodded an agreement.

"So, what did you want to know?" He asked, as we stepped onto the street once more.

"All sorts of things! It's not like there's any tips in _Glamour_ magazine about werewolf dating etiquette!" I rolled my eyes.

"You know, that's something we need to do some time soon, go on a real date! Dinner and a movie, something traditional." He mentioned in a considering tone.

"Like there's so much that's traditional about the two of us!" I snickered, "Really, I'm perfectly happy with the things we do together. But you're right, that would be nice."

"I get to pick the movie, though! I'm not sure I trust your taste after that lame-ass show you dragged me to last time!" He snorted in disgust.

"It's plain that the deeply spiritual aspect of _Crosshairs_ was beyond your limited understanding!" I replied loftily. "Too ethereal for someone of your brutish nature to-."

"I'll give you some of my brutish nature!" He growled and buried his face in my neck. We were breathless with laughter as we reached the small park by the waterfront.

"Maybe Mike would like to come along, for old times' sake!" I taunted.

"Sure, sure. Wouldn't that be _great_! But next time he needs get his own girl, this one's taken!" Jake slipped a hand around my waist, pulling me against his side in a tight squeeze.

Settling next to each other at a park table, Jake smiled into my eyes and invited, "Ask away."

"Well, let's start with what you just said about needing so much fuel. Honestly, I don't see how Em manages to feed you guys! Absolute mountains of food!"

"I don't know about the others, but I do give her grocery money. Seems only right." He shrugged. I nodded, this certainly squared with Jake's sense of fairness.

"Okay, remember, this is a mixture of legend and guessing and, oh, intuition, I suppose. There's no empirical research on shape shifters, obviously." He gave a rueful grin. " You know how hot we all are? The heat is a source, a power source. I feel it burning inside all the time, like the Earth's core, sort of."

"Sounds painful." I cut in with a grimace.

"It's not bad, not like heartburn or anything. It's just sort of _there_. When I want to phase, I reach in deep with my mind and pull it out and let it spread down my spine to my arms and legs. It's kind of like that pins-and-needles feeling when your leg's gone to sleep, only stronger. Then I breathe in, focus, and it's like there's a, um, _fold_ in reality that turns me into – something else. Does that sound vague or what? Sorry I can't do better than that."

"No, that's actually pretty descriptive." I assured him. "I wouldn't expect it to be ordinary, after all. So I guess what you said about needing fuel is pretty accurate, for all that heat."

"Yeah, I don't ever really have to think about it, the heat just keeps reminding me what it needs." He shrugged.

"Another thing that really burns up energy is running. It starts out like any other intense activity, but after a while, if we know we're going to be running flat out for a long time, it's as if a switch gets turned. Kind of like shifting to overdrive -," I shot him a dark look, more car stuff! He went on," It feels like I could go forever! My legs don't get tired, I'm never short of breath, it's the most exhilarating feeling. But it must really burn up calories, because I'm always _starving _afterward; the rest of the pack says the same thing. Or maybe it's more like fuel injection…!" He ducked as I playfully took a swing at him.

"What's the farthest place you've run?" I was finding this fascinating.

"I got down to Cape Disappointment, once. We were doing a check on how far the pack mind reaches. Clear as a bell. Usually we don't go nearly so far, though. Pretty much, we stick to this general area: gigantic wolves crossing I-5 would be too noticeable." We both winced at the thought.

"Do you ever, well, hunt and eat animals, when you're phased?" I asked.

"Sometimes, it's part of the training, as well as being instinctual a certain amount. It's handy, of course, if we have to stay phased for extended periods. Not really my favorite, though. I don't think I'll ever pass up, say, some of that good meatloaf you make in favor of a raw elk, but if I get in the right frame of mind it's not bad."

"The thing that really took getting used to is the…altered perceptions: I can think just the same as in human form, although it's really weird not being able to _talk_, but the other things, hearing, vision, sense of smell are suped up by a factor of, Jeez, I don't even know. I've always had good senses, it probably has something to do with the wolf gene, but this is amazing, like I can take in everything around me and I can process it without even trying! The richness of it is incredible."

I leaned my chin into my hand, elbow on the table, drinking in the swiftly changing expressions on Jacob's face as he described the half of his reality that I couldn't share.

"How about the pack-mind thing? What's that like?" I ventured. "I can see where you'd need that, if you can't talk, as well as the obvious advantages, doing what you do. What's it like, having all those voices in your head?"

"It's not just voices. I get pictures and emotions, intentions. I can hear and smell and see what my brothers do. And, this sounds a little weird -."

"You reckon?" I muttered dryly.

"Each one of the pack members, it's as though their thoughts and reality have an individual _color_, that's how I keep them all separated. I can tell who is thinking and doing what by the color the sensations have." His eyes were wide with the wonder of the experiences he was describing.

"Wow!" I whispered inadequately as I remembered Sam praise of Jake's unusual talents. "I had no idea it was so complex. What color is everybody?"

"Well, Sam is a deep brown, like fudge. Jared is the color of a teal's back. Paul is a sort of eggplant purple. Embry and Quil are like different shades of an orange-y rust color, but I can always tell who's who. Seth is a clear sky blue. Leah, well, she's kind an angry red, like if a cut is getting infected."

"Poor Leah." I sighed.

"Yeah, poor Leah." Jake said flatly. "She doesn't do much to endear herself to the rest of us. She can be pretty malicious. I mean, we all _understand_, but it's pretty rotten of her to make us all suffer with her. It's especially hard on Sam, of course, he feels really guilty and low about the whole thing already."

"Sounds uncomfortable." I gave a shudder, thankful that no one shared my head space, especially the way it had been this past winter,

"It can be, that's for sure. That first time I came to see you in your room, when I tried to make you guess what had happened to me, you remember." I nodded, as if I'd forget!

"Everyone, especially Sam, was so furious at me afterward, it was like being flayed alive from the inside." He shivered and went on, "But there was absolutely no way I could _not_ let them see what was in my mind. Funnily enough, it was Sam who got everybody to lay off after a while. He could see how I felt about you and I guess he knew that I really had no choice; I simply _had_ to see you and try to make you understand."

His eyes were direct and serious as they looked into mine. Absently, he twisted a lock of my hair between his fingers. "Sam told me that it might be six months or even a year before I could be allowed to see you." My stomach flopped painfully at the thought as I stared at him, aghast. It came to my mind that I might not have survived a second loss of such magnitude.

"I know," he agreed softly, "I couldn't let it go like that. I see where Sam was coming from: he'll never get over what happened with Emily. Sometimes, like if the wolf is upset or something, it can be hard to push the heat back to the place it goes. It takes practice to control it, just like a lot of other things. But you've seen some of that already."

I was forcibly reminded of the day I had learned the truth of Jacob's being. I remembered how he had trembled with emotion and his obvious efforts at self-control. I would never forget the shock, and fear, of his sudden transformation to his wolf form in response to Paul's threat to me. I briefly pondered, yet again, what it was about me that seemed to be a magnet for beings more suited to cheap horror films.

"Sam says that you're extra talented at that kind of control. Why is that?"

To my surprise, he looked rather annoyed. "It's not anything I _do_, really. It's a matter of …heritage. It shouldn't be important, but everyone else puts a lot of store by it. Being directly descended from Ephraim Black _and_ from Quil Ateara supposedly gives me a lot of advantages, wolf-wise." He gave a mirthless bark of laughter. "Everyone else acts like I won the prize, just by being born. Big deal! Who the hell wants to better at being a werewolf?"

I regarded him through narrowed eyes, not certain why this was a sensitive subject with him. I recalled that Sam had seemed discomfited by the topic as well. Something clicked in my brain: Ephraim Black had been the last chief, and the last wolf pack Alpha.

"Is this about you and Sam?" I said slowly. Jacob looked so troubled that it wrung my heart. After the initial difficulties, Jake had really come to look up to Sam, as a leader and big brother both. I hoped there wouldn't be a rift between the two of them; Sam was my friend, too, now.

"Were you supposed to be the Alpha? Is that a sore point between you?" I inquired hesitantly.

"I don't know why everybody seems to think that, like I'm some kind of spoiled brat wanting attention. I wish it were that easy. Truly, _I didn't want any of it, Bella. I didn't want anything to change. I didn't want to be some legendary chief. I didn't want to be part of a pack of werewolves, let alone their leader. I wouldn't take it when Sam offered."_

"Really, I'm good with Sam as Alpha, he's great at it, he's older for one thing, more mature. I don't want that kind of responsibility. I'd rather be a soldier than a general." He was obviously struggling not to sound bitter. "Seeing as how I got drafted into a war I didn't even know existed."

I didn't have anything to say to that. I desperately wanted to ask why he found his transformation so much less gratifying than the others did. I had thought that Jacob had finally settled into his new life, apparently there was more going on than I had thought. Just as plainly, he didn't want to continue this line of conversation and pack politics really wasn't any of my business.

"Look." Jacob gestured at the ferry heading for Victoria on Vancouver Island as it pulled away from the dock. "That's something else we should do some day, it's beautiful up there. We could have afternoon tea at the grand hotel, like in those English novels you like so much."

I knew he was changing the subject, but I couldn't help laughing at the thought of Jake, all six foot seven inches of him, with his huge hands and feet, drinking tea out of a dainty china cup and eating tiny, pastel sandwiches.

"Speaking of new things to do, you know I'm going to Florida to visit Renee and Phil in a few weeks."

He nodded, "Yeah, I'm going to miss you." He gave a wistful smile.

"Well, how would you like to come with me? Meet my mom? She's invited you and, well…." I trailed to a stop, not sure how he'd react.

"Really? You want to take me to meet your mother? Wow! Is this a milestone?" His brilliant grin flashed across his face, turning him back to the Jacob I loved best.

I ducked my head shyly and said softly, "I guess it is. I'd really like you to come with me."

He slipped his arm around me, pulling me close to his side. With his free hand, he clasped mine and raised it to his lips. His expression was tender and thoughtful as he said, "Thank you, honey, I'd like that." He rolled his eyes and added, "You know, I've never been that far from home before. I was nine years old before I found out you could live places where it didn't rain all the time!"

"I haven't been to Florida, yet, either." Or brought a boyfriend all the way across the country I thought to myself. I felt a bubble of happiness inside at the thought and I took a deep breath to say -.

"I wonder if your mom will let us stay in the same room?" Jake mused aloud.

*****

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**Chapter 9. Night and the Forest**

Arranging some time with Jacob had proved easier than I had feared: Newton's would be closed for a few days to install a rock climbing wall and Etta had already planned a mini-vacation from the café to partake of a girly retreat on Stewart Island. The gods must be smiling on us.


	9. Chapter 9

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. 3Moonshadow

In which Bella finds the substance of things hoped for…

**9. Night and the Forest**

I stepped into the kitchen a couple of mornings later to find Charlie and Jacob at the table, each with a cup of coffee. I felt a pang of misgiving, no telling what he had been saying to my father.

"Hey, Bells," Jake greeted me cheerfully. "I was just telling Charlie about the party at Emily's this Sunday." His expression was open and bland.

"Mmmmm?" I answered, opening the fridge and hunting determinedly for the orange juice, which was right in front, in order to hide my face.

"Well, I was just saying that I think you ought to stay over that night. What with the full moon and all, I hate to think of you driving back so late with all the deer on the road. You know Bella." He rolled his eyes at Charlie who grimaced in agreement. "We'll find some place to put her up."

Was it my imagination, or did my dad's eyes have a knowing glint in them? "That would work," agreed Charlie, "I have to be in Olympia on Monday for some meetings, that way I can go down Sunday instead of so early that morning. Bella doesn't like staying by her self." How did he know that? It had never come up before.

He rose from the table saying, "I better get going. I just got a call about some strayed livestock. Sometimes I think I should have been a veterinarian! See you tonight, Bella. Bye, Jake."

After Charlie left, Jake stepped up behind me where I stood at the counter, aimlessly arranging cold cereal in a bowl. "How was that?" He murmured in my ear with a kiss.

"Is there really a party at Emily's?" I asked.

"Of course, I'm no liar, and we'll go to it – for about a minute and a half." I could feel his breath as he laughed softly. I leaned back against him, savoring the solidness of his body and soaking up the heat he radiated.

"I better get over to the garage." He slid a hand from my waist lingeringly down over my behind and around my upper leg, his fingers coming to rest on my inner thigh.

"I'll see you Sunday afternoon." I murmured faintly. It couldn't come soon enough.

Arranging some time with Jacob had proved easier than I had feared: Newton's would be closed for a few days to install a rock climbing wall and Etta had already planned a mini-vacation from the café to partake of a girly retreat on Stewart Island. The gods must be smiling on us.

I found myself wondering at Charlie's easy acceptance of Jake's glib cover story. After all, he was a small town cop, it was not like he didn't know what people got up to. But that in itself could be the answer, I reflected. My dad had never made any secret of his approval of Jake in my life and his cooperation certainly made things easier.

Sunday afternoon found me, and the butterflies in my stomach, on my way to La Push. I stepped out of the truck in the usual spot in front of Jake's garage where he was waiting for me.

"You look very nice, honey." His eyes shone as he gazed down at me; I was already getting a little breathless. I had dressed with care for today: a light gauzy skirt that swirled softly around my knees and a short, flowery, button-front top. I wanted to look pretty, but I didn't figure on wearing the outfit for long.

"So do you." I said with a smile. Over a pair of khaki shorts, he was wearing a dark blue shirt of some silky fabric that set off the russet color of his skin. His usually shaggy black hair was neatly trimmed for a change.

He brushed the back of one finger along my cheekbone around to my jaw and drew a little circle around my lips. I caught his knuckle lightly in my teeth, giving him a look full of promises.

With a sigh, he said, "Emily's party. The sooner we go, the sooner – we can leave…. Let me get your things. Is this all you brought?" Jacob asked as he pulled my old school backpack from the truck seat.

"I didn't think I'd need much…?" I murmured.

He laughed, "I like a girl who packs light! You should see the junk my sisters seem to think is necessary, even for an overnight. I'll run this out to… where we're going." He jogged into the forest.

The brief time spent at Emily's party passed in a blur. Someone handed me a plate of food, but I couldn't have said what was on it.

Jacob lightly rested his hand on the nape of my neck, I was so aware of him that I almost jumped at his touch. "Let's go," he whispered.

We drifted away from the gathering. He led me to the forest near his house, taking a barely visible trail. True to form, I stumbled almost immediately. Jake laughed and said, "Bells, those are really cute little shoes, but I don't think they're up for a walk in the woods. I better carry you." He swept me into his arms and strode off.

"I'm not too heavy, am I?" I ventured.

"Huh? Like carrying a kitten!" He snorted.

"Where exactly are we going, anyway?" I was avidly curious.

"It's a surprise. I think you'll like it, I hope so." He looked a little worried and my heart warmed to him even more, touched by his anxiety to make all this right with me.

"You're not nervous are you? You're awfully quiet." I teased lightly.

"It's, oh, you're so tiny, Bells, compared with me. I don't want to be too rough or hurt you, and… I just want you so much." He admitted huskily.

I wasn't about to acknowledge my own concerns to him at this moment; after all, the other girls seemed to be just fine, right? I had, briefly, considered asking Emily's advice in this matter, but she was always so modest and lady-like that I couldn't think that she would find such a conversation any easier than I would. As to my real worry, that of _capacity_, I knew that I would never be able to question her about Sam's … endowments! I didn't feel that I knew Kim well enough to broach the topic.

I dismissed these thoughts as counter-productive and focused on the positive:

"I want you, too, you know! More than anything I can ever remember. " I laughed softly and tightened my embrace around his neck, I felt almost giddy.

In a moment he slowed to a stop. Clearing his throat, he said, "Here we are." He set me on my feet and I looked around. It was still full light outside the forest with the long summer evening of the Northwest, but under the tree canopy the light was almost gone. In the near gloom something caught my eye, it looked like… a little house!

I stepped forward, exclaiming at its detail. The walls were simple boards held together with battens, the door was a woven blanket, and the roof was a cunning thatch arrangement of leafy branches.

I turned with a smile to Jacob who awaited my reaction intently. "You made this, didn't you, Jake? For me." My eyes filled with tears. "It's beautiful!"

"It's traditional. In the old days, the Quileute lived in what we call _long houses_, you know. Everybody, all generations, all in one big house, one big room, no privacy. So-o-o, when a man found a girl that he, uh, wanted to be alone with, he'd build one of these," he gestured, "and bring her to it." He said a word in what I took to be the Quileute language. "I'm not sure what the English word would be, maybe _nest_?"

"You built me a nest." I whispered, awed at the time and trouble he'd taken to give us a place to ourselves.

"Well, Embry and Quil helped, of course. That's traditional, too."

"Wait a minute," I protested as an idea struck me, "Emily just happens to give a party today. Your two best buds help you build this - nest. Is _everyone_ in the village in on our, uh, little get together?"

"We-ell, now that you mention it, old Rennie Locke, who's about a hundred and fifty years old and deaf as a stump,_ might_ not be in the loop, but pretty much everybody else I can think of."

"Oh, great!" I moaned in embarrassment.

"Honey, you're part of the family, why wouldn't they want us to be happy together?" He pulled me close, pressing his lips to the space between my brows, smoothing the little crease that always appeared there when I fretted. "Anyway, enough. I have other plans for this evening." A little smile played on his lips.

He stepped forward, drew back the blanket and swept a bow ushering me in. It was much darker inside, of course. I stood for a moment to let my eyes adjust. Jake moved around more surely with his keener vision.

He knelt and slipped my shoes off, setting them by the doorway. My eyes were growing accustomed to the dim light. Inside the tiny building I could see a billow of quilts and blankets on the packed forest floor, they were heaped over pine boughs, judging by the scent. This arrangement pretty much filled the room: the place was all bed!

Jacob gently pulled me to him. He was on his knees still; the roof was so low that I could just stand upright, so for Jake that was out of the question. He was so tall that even on his knees his face was only slightly lower than mine, a rather interesting change in perspective.

He cupped my chin in his hands, drawing my face to his. His kisses were soft on my lips. He worked his way slowly down my throat to the top button of my blouse. I lifted my hands to unfasten it, but he stopped me, whispering, "Let me do this." I trembled in anticipation.

As his fingers undid each button, he pressed a burning kiss on the exposed skin, from my neck to the waistband of the skirt. He peeled back the top and slid the short sleeves down my arms to fall to the floor.

I had selected underwear with care, nothing fussy or lacy, that wasn't my style. Just smooth peach satin that clung like a second skin. Jake smiled in appreciation and traced a line from the front hook of the demi-bra to the hollow of my shoulder with the tip of his tongue. As my nipples hardened, he mouthed each in turn through the soft material, sending a spear of electricity straight to my core.

Impatient, I unhooked the bra and let it fall, cradling his head in my arms, pressing his face into my flesh. My chest heaved as I watched him fasten his mouth to my breast, tongue swirling and teasing the little bud, which tightened to pebble hardness as he drew in a breath over it. His other hand crept under my skirt, swirling patterns on my skin, sliding nearer and nearer to my source.

I reached down to unbutton his shirt, sliding it back from his wide shoulders and tossing it away. My hands smoothed over the firm muscles of his back, marveling again at the satiny heat of him.

Jacob leaned back, his eyes glittering, and ducked his head under my skirt. His lips pressed against the inside of my knee, then a fraction higher, higher, and then a little higher still. "I have to sit down." I gasped faintly; I stepped back and sank to the quilt beneath me.

"I almost forgot something." He said and moved around the walls of the tiny space, deftly touching here and there. At each movement of his hands a pinprick of light appeared: tea light-shaped LEDs sitting on minute ledges fixed to the walls. He'd thought of everything.

He let himself down beside me and I reached for the button of his khakis, I wasn't up to waiting any more. The shorts cast aside, he cocked his head at me and said, "I shouldn't be the only one naked here." He slowly inched the skirt down and away, again pressing a fiery kiss on each sliver of skin that was revealed.

As the matching peach satin panties were disclosed, he bent his head to my center and lightly brushed his nose over my mound. " Sweet, sweet," he murmured then captured me with his mouth through the filmy fabric. With his teeth, he slid the fragile garment down and then rolled it completely away with his hand.

He stretched his full length along side me and ran his hand down my body, so slowly, as if savoring every curve and texture. Shaky with longing for him, I pressed myself against him, feeling his ember-hot erection between us. His arms tightened around me and he kissed me deeply. Smoothly he pulled away, again running his hands down my length.

He grasped my foot, kissing the instep and slipped my knee over his shoulder.

He ran his tongue up the inside of my thigh, flicking it over the delicate fold of flesh between my leg and my source. He pressed up on my mound with one hand and slid his probing tongue in to my cleft, where I was already slippery with my desire for him. He chuckled breathlessly as I sighed "Oh, Jake!" at the feel of his burning mouth moving over my clit. He slipped a finger inside me, sliding it in and out, causing my hips to twitch involuntarily, and again, and again. Another finger followed. Hoarse gasps came from my throat as I ground down on his hand and mouth.

A growl rumbled in the depths of his chest as he devoured my sex. The sound of his hunger inflamed me and instinct took over as I swayed harder and faster until I cried out, seeing bursts of stars. I came back to myself with his head resting on my thigh as he smoothed his hand over my belly and breasts.

"Now," I whispered, " I want to take care of you." Raising myself, I flipped my head to the side so that my long hair made a curtain between us as I lightly dragged the thick strands down his chest.

I knelt at his side and took his hand. Starting at my hip, I guided it along my flank and over my breasts, up to my mouth. His eyes, deeply hooded, were as dark as obsidian while he watched as I kissed each finger in turn, still rich with my private scent, then lingeringly kissed his palm. I worked my mouth slowly down his arm to his chest then drew a line with my tongue from the hollow of his throat to his navel.

There I was faced with – uncertainty. I really didn't know how to do this, but how challenging could it be? Coming of age in the twenty-first century I had an idea of the logistics even if I was inexperienced. Working from instinct, I decided to explore.

I wrapped my hand around the firm length of him and slowly slid it from one end to the other, investigating the different textures, from velvet to marble hardness to the mass of crisp hair at the base. A tiny iridescent pearl at the tip invited me on and I swirled my tongue around him, savoring his taste and gratified to hear the hoarse groan he made.

Emboldened, I lavished my tongue down his length. Judging by the tension building in his muscles that this was the proper course to take. As I neared his crux, I inhaled the intensity of his aroma, the muskiness enhanced; it made me slightly dizzy. I took as much of him in my mouth as I could, sliding my hands around the rest.

I felt his hand on my head, weaving his fingers into my hair. I glanced up to his face, his other arm flung was over his eyes as if to hide his vulnerability at this moment. Seeing his utter defenselessness sent a heart-stopping spear of mingled passion and tenderness through me. I applied my self with renewed fervor to the task at hand.

"A-a-ah. Bells, stop, please." Jacob gasp-groaned.

"Not good?" I mumbled in dismay.

"Stop! That's too good. I'll go off any second if you don't. I'm not ready for that yet." I disengaged and he drew a deep, shuddering breath that he let go in a whoosh.

"Girl, for someone who claims to not know what she's doing, that was very…

effective!" He gave a throaty laugh.

"You inspire me." I whispered with a demure giggle.

He pulled me up to face him, giving me a searching kiss as I crushed my body against him eagerly. "We'll just take a little break here. Roll over, I'll rub your back."

The feeling of his strong fingers kneading and massaging my back was pure heaven. The contrast of the pleasurable tensions we had been building up between us with the melting sensations his hands now produced had me mesmerized.

Finally, he brushed his lips in a line of fire down my vertebrae, ending with a gentle nibble at my ass. "Are you ready, Bells?" He whispered huskily.

"An-n-nh," I was unable to speak coherently now that the moment had arrived. I wasn't exactly nervous, but…. I rolled over and he knelt between my legs. Through half closed eyes I watched him roll on a condom. Instead of covering me with his body as I had expected, he sat back on his heels and gently pulled my hips up onto his thighs. I could feel him fit his hardness into my entrance. Gripping my ass, he began to rock himself into me; I felt pressure and stretching and a sharp stinging. I could hear my voice, as from a long way off, softly gasping "Oh, oh, oh," in time to his movements. The pressure eased.

"Are you all right?"

"Ye-e-s?" I breathed, considering. Then, more confidently, "_Yes_, it's good, _good_, go on." I urged, giving my hips a little jerk to encourage him. He had aroused me so thoroughly that the pain was insignificant, but my need to feel him fully inside me was almost agony.

The rocking began again in earnest; I could feel him sliding further in. A low, guttural moan sounded from deep within me as I was filled with his heat and length and thickness. He hooked my leg over his arm and entered me more deeply still, we both groaned at the feeling of being completely joined.

I opened my barely focused eyes and was riveted by the look of stern intensity on his face. A faint sheen of sweat covered his chest; a lock of hair fell into his eyes, fluttering in time to his movements. The cords of his neck stood out and I was overcome by the desire to feel his body next to mine. I curled my torso up and placed my hands on his shoulders, pulling gently.

His dark eyes asked the question and I panted, brokenly, "Need to - hold you - close to me." Nodding breathlessly, he released my leg, whispering, "Put your legs around my waist." He lowered himself to his forearms and I clasped him to me, my flesh against his, my head pressed to his chest. The heat of his skin was a reflection of the heat building inside me.

The rhythm began again, more urgently than ever. I couldn't help but meet his thrusts with my own; it seemed beyond my own will to resist even if I had wanted to. The tempo of his husky groans filled my head, a counterpoint to the beating of his heart. Existence spiraled down to a maddening, pounding gallop till the night shuddered apart into fiery waves.

I lay sprawled across his broad chest, humming with contentment.

"Jake, did you seriously _howl_?" I teased.

"I dunno; what _I_ remember is a woman squealing obscenities, like to deafen me." His voice radiated smugness.

I felt my face grow hot in the semi-darkness, "Ooooh." I moaned in embarrassment at the recollection of my own voice sobbing out, "Oh, oh fuck! Oh, _fuck_!" as I climaxed.

Jake laughed softly and said, "Honey, it's just us, together. Everything is good. Besides," his warm lips pressed the hollow beneath my ear "that was the sexiest thing I've ever heard. Although those little purry sounds you've been making just now are right up there."

His teeth gently caught my earlobe. "But I was right about you."

"What do you mean?" I felt a quick stab of insecurity.

"I knew, I _knew_ you'd turn out to be a real little tiger in bed." He gave a chuckle of mingled triumph and joy.

"The tiger and the wolf, huh? Sounds dangerous."

A sudden jolt of memory: a cold, hard presence, a musical voice murmuring, "…_so the lion fell in love with the lamb_." a diamond bright flash – and then it was all gone.

"Sounds _fun_ to me!" My lover snarled playfully, burying his face in my neck.

-oOo-

A?N: Sooooo, what did you think? Hot or not? Let me know!

A fellow ficster and stalwart wolf girl, Ynotjacob (check her profile for stories), kindly supplied the Quileute word for "nest": _didoosti. _

According to her source_, _other words for small temporary houses are: _chiyaxwolatati_ - driftwood shack on beach for shelter while fishing; _lokwati_ - hemlock bark lodge used while hunting upriver: _tsasaati_ - brush house for hunting and berry-picking; _xwokwodisti_ - skin or hide house used in hunting.

MANY thanks, for the info, my dear.

The Quileute Nation website (quileute nation (.) org / quileute - language) has a recording of one of the few speakers of that language pronouncing some of the words, worth checking out. As usual, remove the spaces & parentheses for the web addy. CDH

**Chapter 10.**

"Um, well, I need to explain something to you, Bells, something I should have told you sooner, I guess." Jacob looked – guilty, possibly?


	10. Chapter 10

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain.**Moonshadow**

Pillow talk, afterglow and general mushiness… plus a couple of surprises!

**10. Morning**

I woke to early morning light, Jacob a mountain of warmth beside me. It was tempting to reach for him but I wanted a moment to just relish the reality of the night. Rather amazingly, I felt quite rested even after being up half the night, making love, talking, and making love again. I stretched luxuriously, only to become aware that as wonderful as I felt otherwise, my body was telling me that it had had quite a work out!

I smiled to myself, what a work out it had been! I studied Jake in sleep; he was so beautiful! His face looked so much younger, and more relaxed, than it had for quite some time. I remembered the first time I had watched him sleep – my dawn visit to tell him that I had guessed his secret. It seemed another lifetime, now.

I allowed myself to gloat for a moment: doubtless, if Edward had never left, I would still be begging him to move past the chaste kisses that were all he had permitted. Funny, I could think of him without the slightest pang…what a relief! It was too soon to tell, of course, but I had an idea that last night might well be the last time I had that auditory hallucination of his voice. Why was I even bothering with that line of thought? Here I was, lying next someone who had proved himself so much more than second best or a mere replacement.

I was swamped with a wave of tenderness for my wolf-lover, a feeling of wonder as I let my mind range over the things I had learned about him in the night, and the things I had learned about myself. Jacob, with his vitality, passion and generosity had given me so much more than I had anticipated. His delight in my response to him had been so moving, as if I needed more reasons to love him!

After a few delicious minutes spent with these musings, I became aware of an urgent necessity, I had to pee! I didn't feel like getting completely dressed so I grabbed up Jacob's shirt, wondering – not for the first time – if fabric for his clothes should be measured in acres rather than yards. The shirt certainly covered more of me than my bathrobe at home did!

Business completed, I returned to the nest (really, was there ever anything sweeter than Jake's efforts on my behalf?). Just outside the doorway was a small bench that I hadn't seen the night before in the dusk. On it was a new dishpan full of water, with a towel and my backpack along side. Perfect.

Face washed and teeth brushed, I stepped inside to see my lover seated on the mound of quilts, our faces burst into smiles simultaneously. I sank to the ground beside him, reaching up my arms to his neck.

"How do you feel?" He murmured between kisses.

"Uh, pretty sore…." I admitted, rolling my eyes and snickering. "It took me forever to pee!"

"I'm sorry." He said, pulling back to look at me anxiously.

"Don't be! I'm certainly not! Really, I barely noticed at the time. But, um, is it _usual_ to do it that many times?" I couldn't help giggling.

"Usual for werewolves." He smirked. We laughed as if at sparkling wit. Pressing his lips to my forehead, he whispered, "I'm sorry you hurt, Bella, would it help if I kissed everything all better?" I smiled invitingly, then -.

We heard sounds from the forest outside, whispering and hushed, conspiratorial laughter. We exchanged a look of exasperation and turned to the doorway.

"Crap!" Huffed Jake. "Quil and Embry! Where are the frakking silver bullets when I need them!"

He got up and slipped out the door under the hanging blanket, glowering. I was momentarily surprised that he didn't stop to put on even his shorts, but then casual nudity was undoubtedly a part of pack life; he didn't even have to think about it. Odd, at one time that might have bothered me, now it just seemed another part of Jacob's sexiness that he was so at home in his body.

I heard the voices of the wolf brothers, speaking low, and subdued laughter, along with some scuffling noises. I wasn't entirely sure how to feel about that. As Jake had pointed out on many occasions, I was part of the family. I supposed, like every other family, this had good and bad aspects to it.

He ducked back in, carrying a basket, an odd smile on his face. "Special delivery. Breakfast."

"Oh, I thought they came by for a play by play." I said rather sourly.

"Not yet." Mumbled Jake, eyes cast down and the russet of his skin turning a deeper red with embarrassment.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, "I guess that'll come later, when everybody's phased."

"Well, it's not like I'll be able to keep from thinking about you…." He looked apologetic.

I gave a shrug. Really, it was time I got used to this facet of things in this unusual life that seemed to be my fate. Undoubtedly, Jacob got more details of the other wolves making love with their girlfriends than I'd be comfortable with, as well. Maybe that was how he knew…. Perhaps there were some benefits to this that hadn't been immediately apparent.

Jacob delved into the basket, handing me a bottle of orange juice and a cinnamon muffin. "Do you like raspberries? Uff!" He gave a stifled exclamation and quickly placed his hand over mine as I was lifting the pastry to my mouth.

"What?" I exclaimed, startled, and a trifle annoyed: the muffin looked and smelled great, and I had been awake long enough to start feeling hungry.

"Um, well, I need to explain something to you, Bells, something I should have told you sooner, I guess." Jacob looked – guilty, possibly?

Hesitantly, he said, "I, uh, didn't tell you everything about this last night." He waved a hand at the walls and roof of our nest. "I said it was traditional, but that wasn't the whole story…. I mean, a guy wouldn't go to all this trouble, get his best friends involved, for just a shack up, y'know? This is the place he'd prepare for, well, for his bride."

I nodded, "I figured it was something of the sort. I thought it was really sweet, actually." I couldn't help a smile. "It's no big deal is it? You've never put that much store by the old traditions, anyway."

"Let me finish. You see, there's a lot of ritual and stuff around a wedding." He seemed to run out of steam here, I gestured for him to continue. "There are songs and sayings and things…." He trailed off again. This was infuriating, why couldn't he just spit it out?

"The most important part of the ceremony is for the couple to 'share a roof, a bed, and a meal'." He gestured to our surroundings, ending by lightly tapping the muffin in my hand. "That's what makes it legal." He shrank back slightly, as if in dread, as I regarded him with narrow eyes.

"So, what are you saying, Jake? That if I eat this _muffin_, then in the eyes of the Quileute tribe you and I will be married. As in married." My voice was flat with…disbelief? Dismay? Outrage? Amusement? I couldn't sort it out. What I had thought to be a supremely romantic gesture abruptly seemed to be much more complicated, especially since Jacob was so thrown off balance.

_Had_ he somehow tried to deceive me? That was so unlike him, and to what purpose? My face felt frozen, I couldn't tell what my expression was like, but it plainly wasn't very heartening as Jacob lumbered painfully on.

"No, no, Bells, n-not really. We don't do it that way any m-more." He was stammering in the face of my glare. "Really! Most of the tribe have regular, church weddings now, or rather, they have both kinds, and-and we didn't do the other stuff, the songs… and everything."

"Oh, I'd say we did the _everything_ part!" I said, acidly. "So what made you decide to finally reveal this minute, eency, inconsequential detail? Just sort of curious, you know." He had the grace to look contrite, at least.

"I hadn't really put the whole thing together till just now, the basket was a surprise. I realized I'd better tell you right now rather than have someone make some remark and for you to think…what you're thinking."

Obviously crestfallen, he continued, sighing, "I guess I went about this in a really clumsy way, Bells. I just wanted to do something really special for you because, well, just because. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or mad or anything. The basket's from Emily, by the way, I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it, except to be nice."

His eyes were so pleading that I would have forgiven him anything at that moment. Surely, it _was_ just muddled plans…. I felt a sharp stab of pity for this sweet boy in front me. He had worked so hard to impress me and here he was, terrified that I'd be angry over a point of tribal custom that had no significance for us, here and now.

I couldn't, I _wouldn't_ let Emily's niceness take the shine off something that had been completely perfect.

I was suddenly filled with a spirit of mischief. Still holding his eyes grimly with mine, I raised my hand – and very deliberately took a bite of the muffin. Jacob's eyes widened. I couldn't help but laugh inwardly at his expression, as I said, coolly, "So, when do we tell Charlie?"

Lousy actress that I was, I couldn't quite keep my face straight; Jake saw my effort not to smile and relaxed.

"I guess we'll need to negotiate a bride price. Hmmm, you're awfully small, I guess my opening offer will be, say, a half dozen deer hides and, oh, some strings of shiny beads? What sort of dowry do you suppose he'll come up with? For taking you off his hands, you know." He was better a holding a solemn expression.

"Glad I mean so much to you!" I snorted. "You said Emily didn't mean anything by the basket, didn't she and Sam have this?" I waved my hand around.

"Ah, no. But, then they were already living on their own when they – found each other. This really isn't very common, any more. Mostly people go to a motel." He shrugged.

Once again, I was moved by Jake's thoughtfulness and hard work, especially on finding out that Sam, serious keeper of the old ways that he was, had not gone to such lengths even for his beloved Emily. I looked around me with new eyes.

The previous night I had had other priorities, of course, and had missed really examining the shelter that my lover had made for me. What caught my eye especially was the clever construction of the roof: leafy branches were woven and plaited together so tightly as to be almost solid, only a tiny pinpoint of light showed here and there.

I remarked on this detail and was pleased at the gratified smile on Jake's face. "I'm glad you like it, honey. This little place won't last long in this climate, of course, but it is nice for summer and the thatch will keep out pretty much anything short of a real downpour."

I set my teeth and observed that it was nice of his best friends to help. He nodded and said with a shrug, "Like I said, it's traditional; I guess by the time Quil's turn comes he'll be such an expert he can build on his own." We both gave a subdued chuckle at the thought; it would be so long before our friend and his imprinted mate would have a night like the one we had just enjoyed, although Quil himself didn't seem to feel that anything was missing from his life at this point.

"Now, Embry, on the other hand… he probably just ought to buy a house or something!"

"Really? _Embry_?" I exclaimed. "He always struck me as being the shy type. Is he…?"

Jake laughed and said, "Phasing seems to have brought out the beast in ol' Embry. The girls can't get enough of him! And none of them seem to be bothered that he's playing the field, so he must be doing something really right!"

"Envious?" I said coyly, to cover a pang of insecurity.

"Huh!" Jacob snorted. "Envious of what? I've got the best there is already! Embry just hopes he gets this lucky!" The love and pride shining in his brown eyes took my breath away.

"Does every, uh, romance get this sort of involvement from the pack? I'm just wondering, one of those werewolf etiquette things again, I guess." I queried.

"We-ell, no. Partly, it's because Embry and Quil and I are such close friends, like brothers, really. Partly, because everybody is tired of being in my head, wanting you so much…." He grinned wickedly. "Not that I think it's likely to change, especially now!"

"Any way, they like you, Bells, I keep telling you that. You're one of us now."

We finished the contents of the basket, talking, smiling, touching.

Setting the basket aside, Jacob reached for me, saying, "You look pretty cute in my shirt, honey, but you'd look better without it…."

Sometime later, he asked, "Aren't you glad I had you take the day off?"

"More than glad, I wish I never had to leave!" I sighed.

"Well, the day's not over yet. Let's go down to the beach, and I want to stop and get this basket back to Emily on the way."

Reluctantly, I pulled out the clothes I had brought in my backpack. It wasn't as warm today, I was glad I had brought jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. I found myself raising an ironic eyebrow: I was prepared for cool weather in the middle of summer! I asked Jacob if we should do anything about the nest, but he assured me that he would return later to do whatever was needed.

Hand in hand we strolled to the forest's edge. Last night, it had seemed a long way; today, when I really wanted to draw everything out, it was all too brief. We paused at the house; I dropped my backpack in the truck and put on my rain jacket, the sky looked threatening.

Our next stop was at Emily's, where she was at work at her antique loom, weaving one of the items she made to sell in the tribal gift shop. I had gathered that she was considered very talented at this skill and that her work commanded a high price.

Her quiet thanks for the return of the basket was accompanied by a question, to me, in her eyes. I couldn't help the smile that came over my face, at which she gave a little satisfied nod and returned to her task.

Still holding hands, we continued on down to the beach, greeting the inhabitants of La Push that we met on the way. We passed Rachel and Paul headed in the other direction. Paul, his lips twisted in a lascivious grin, looked as if he wanted to speak till Rachel elbowed him hard in the ribs.

Abruptly, I recalled that Paul had recently imprinted on Jake's sister Rachel. Doubtless there was a lot happening between the two of them that my wolf wasn't too keen on sharing. Immediately, this made me feel better: Jacob probably did have some understanding of my feelings about being bandied around the pack mind!

He led me along the beach to the driftwood tree that I always thought of as _ours_. We'd had more than one momentous talk here. He sat, making a space between his legs so that I could sit just that close and lean against his chest. _He was so warm…I shrugged out of my rain jacket. He made a little sound of contentment in the back of his throat, and rested his cheek on the top of my head._

His voice was husky as he said, "Thank you, Bella. For being here, and… for being my girl."

I turned my face up to look directly into his, searching his expression, which was almost bashful. I thought again about the absolute rightness of being with this wolf-boy-man. I took a deep breath and softly said what was in my heart, "I love you, Jacob."

He went completely still. His features arranged themselves in a carefully casual expression. With studied lightness in his voice, he said, "Sure, sure. You know you don't have to say that, Bells, just because I do sometimes, or because of last night. I was more than happy to despoil your maidenly innocence as a matter of courtesy." He chuckled wickedly, but his eyes were wary.

I felt as though a hand were clenched around my heart as I realized, again, how hard it had been for him to be the only one in love and how patient he had been with me.

"I know I don't, and I'm not, you know me better than that." I took a breath and, laying my hand on his cheek, repeated, "I love you. I love you. I've been trying for ages to tell you, it just wouldn't come out, somehow."

"So, what happened? What changed?" His tone was still cautious.

"A couple of different things." I gave a shaky laugh, "Renee said something a while back about how nice it is to fall in love with a good friend. I realized that she was right." I admitted, "You're the best friend I've ever had. I – I think I've been in love with you for a long time. I feel so foolish because I almost missed it. I was looking for… something else." My voice sank into a whisper.

He muttered something under his breath that could have been "I told you so," and then went on in a normal tone. "You said a couple of things. What was the other?"

"Would you believe - tectonic shift?" I said in a small voice.

"Now we're talking geology?" Jake rolled his eyes. "You're losing me here, Bella!"

"Well…" I told him about my strange rearrangement of reality at the hatchery.

"That was ages ago. What made you wait so long to tell me?"

"Well, I didn't want you to think it was wishful thinking, or people pleasing, like you're always telling me about. And I wanted to be certain for myself. I respect you too much, Jake," I said softly, "to want to be less than sure on this."

His huge hand gently smoothed my hair. He pressed my head to his shoulder and just held me in silence. Being Jacob, this pensive moment didn't last long.

"Tectonic shift, huh? So I guess I made the earth move for you and I hadn't even gotten your clothes off yet!" He guffawed.

"Jacob Black, do you ever think of anything besides sex?" I pretended to be scandalized.

"Hey, what can I say? I'm a guy!" He retorted. "Plus the fact that I'm holding the most beautiful girl in the world in my arms – who has, by the way, _amply _demonstrated in the recent past that she wants me and now says that she loves me and RESPECTS me. It would be down right sick of me to think about anything else, right? Anyway, you love it!"

"We-ell…." I admitted with mock reluctance.

His arms tightened around me, he looked intently into my eyes, his face serious now. "Bella, I love you with everything that I've got, don't ever doubt that. Even when I joke around, it's always there. "

There was only one way to answer a statement like that.

The clouds were starting to slowly break up, allowing shafts of pale sunshine through to limn the gray and white breakers with green and deep blue. Tourists, many in wet suits and carrying surfboards, and members of the village started to fill the beach as the weather brightened.

Kim and Jared walked by, hand in hand, to settle on another of the drift logs, with their own secrets to whisper to each other. Seth and Leah, in running shorts, jogged by and waved, brother and sister magnificent in their physical vigor. Quil and Embry came and sat down near us in comfortable silence. Sam and Emily appeared with Claire in tow, whom they handed over to Quil. Embry caught sight of a group of teenage girls and drifted in their direction.

Sitting in the circle of Jacob's arms, I looked out at the immensity of the Pacific before us, the clouds scudding along before the breeze, the gulls wheeling overhead, the ceaseless motion of the waves. I was immersed in a feeling of the interconnectedness of things: my love; my adopted family around us; Charlie on the road back from Olympia, probably thinking about dinner; the upcoming trip to Renee; work tomorrow at the café. I never wanted anything to change….

………

Arriving home late that afternoon, I was pleased to see that Charlie had not yet returned from his day of meetings: I needed a little time alone, to process my new perception of myself. Reaching my room, I dropped my backpack and hugged my arms around myself.

Falling back onto the bed, I closed my eyes and let my mind roam over the last twenty-four hours. I finally got it! What all the fuss was about! My memory was flooded with the sensations of Jacob; I didn't know how I was going to be able to _wait_ till the next time I could be with him.

………

Well, I will keep calling you to see:

If you're sleeping, are you dreaming?

If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?

**I can't believe…you actually picked…me.**

**Calling You**

Blue October

.........

Let me know what you thought of Bella's admission!!

**Chapter 11. Interlude**

Jacob's POV of Ch. 9 _Night and the Forest_


	11. Chapter 11

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is

**11. Interlude (JPOV of Ch. 9 **_**Night and the Forest**_**) **

"For crying out loud, Paul, will you shut it? She's my sister, you stupid dick, I so do not want to know this stuff about her!"

"No worse than the months you've spent year-er-er-ning over little Miss Swan, you dumb fuck. Maybe you'll be able to focus on the job once you actually start drilling her!"

Paul in human form was obnoxious enough. Phased, so that we were in each other's heads, especially after his recent imprint on my sister – and his detailed reminiscences of last night with her – he was almost intolerable. In wolf form, I couldn't even go to my favorite head-place to shut him out: with my Bella. In spite of the physical distance between us, I could hear him as clearly as if he were speaking in my ear, as he could hear me.

Paul and I were running patrol up on the north ridge. Sam didn't ordinarily pair us up, for the obvious, but I had asked for some special considerations schedule-wise because of my plans with Bella. Almost done, another couple hours, and then home, some sleep, clean up and tonight….

Better stop there; dog breath running with me would shower me with more of his bullshit, and not-so-helpful suggestions. Like I needed any help! As if I could think about anything else…there I went again!

Paul wouldn't let up; ignoring my growls and whines of protest he treated me to some more unwelcome details of his and Rachel's antics. Seemingly, my big sister (_urgh!)_ was one never-ending carnival ride of lust.

At one point, curiosity got the better of me. "Jeez, how'd you talk her into _that_? You are one sick sumbitch, man." I gave a wolfy laugh in spite of myself.

"Dude! It was _her_ idea! I live to serve." The voice in my head wasn't his usual contemptuous jeer; it was - adoring. "You know you'd do the same for your girl if that's what she wanted."

"I guess I never knew the real Rachel," I admitted, "I had no idea she was as whacked as you are." The sex, that had to be it for Rachel: she surely wasn't attracted by Paul's suave, understated charm.

"Whatever melts her butter, brother-in-law." I sensed a feeling of pride in Paul that his mate was so… demanding, and that he was the man to satisfy her. I could see it, and feel it, now that I let myself – I had never wanted to know Paul all that well before. He was, well, completely enchanted by my sister, who had always seemed quite ordinary to me. The mystery of imprinting!

Paul and I went our separate ways at the sentry point after making a quick report to Jared and Embry, the out-going team.

As I approached the village I phased back to human form. At last, I could be alone with my thoughts. I stopped at what I thought of as 'our' clearing to review my preparations. I forced down a stab of anxiety: this just _had_ to go right.

In the thin darkness of false dawn, I gave myself over to anticipation. I looked around carefully and listened for any activity. It was very early and I was far from the hiking trail, but you never knew. I snorted to myself at the thought of unsuspecting hikers coming across a giant, naked Indian wanking in the woods. I could be the start of a new legend. Taking Little Chief firmly in hand, I let my thoughts flow to my girl, her smell, her mouth, _Bella in my arms, Bella sighing my name_…. What the hell - Bella screaming my name and clawing at my back in ecstasy.

Much relieved, I pulled on my cut-offs and turned toward home.

Bella had certainly surprised me that night when, stammering and blushing so furiously that I could feel the heat from her face, she had told me she wanted to take our relationship _further_, as she put it. I felt like breaking into a cheesy Hollywood-style Indian war dance. I had been biding my time with her, playing the almost-perfect gentleman, letting her come to me. It had taken practically inhuman self-control not to rush her along – good thing I wasn't entirely human!

I had been delighted at her stumbling admission that she wanted me and then totally astonished as she embarrassedly 'confessed' to being a virgin. She had even apologized. How funny, how Bella!

The times I had taken her in my arms she had been so engaged and passionate, that I had assumed she had more experience than she actually did. It was nice to think that her response was because she wanted me the way I wanted her.

I had figured that she'd done it with the leech – even now that gave me a shudder – at the least. She was beautiful and desirable, although she was so modest that she didn't realize her effect on the male population of the area. Surely some other guy had seen in her what I did.

I would have made myself not care, even about _him_, so long as she wanted to be with me, but as I told her that night, I was honored. Honored beyond measure that she would choose _me_. Of course, I knew I wasn't exactly her first choice; but still, I was here and he wasn't. Not to be cocky, but one way or another I _would_ make her forget him.

I hoped it meant what I wanted it to, that she was beginning to feel the same way I did. I knew Bella well enough to be confident that love, or at least something very close to it, would have to come before sex. I hoped. I hoped.

It wasn't like I hadn't been with other girls: I _am_ a guy! Had a few crushes, a few girlfriends and then…. The day she came down to First Beach with a group of kids from the Forks high school and we walked and talked, it had been all over for me. Everybody laughed about teen-age love, but I knew that she was the one; it was like I never really had a choice.

All that long year, after meeting her, I had worked to convince myself of the hopelessness of my feelings for Bella. I had tried to distract myself and had been pleasantly surprised to find that there were girls willing to be that distraction! I always did my best to make it clear that it was only casual on my part, although I knew that once or twice there was the wish for something more. I felt bad about that, really: I knew what it was like to long for something out of your reach.

But all the while there was a feeling of connection, as if a ribbon made of tungsten steel stretched between me, in La Push, to her, in Forks.

That night at her house, when she'd guessed that our situations were different in this matter, I wished for a minute that I had waited for her. She surprised me again with her matter-of-fact acceptance; it was reasonable, she said, even a relief. She never did react to things like any other girl.

There seemed to be no end to the surprises that night. We really hadn't gone that far up to this point and here she was asking me to be her lover. I took her in my arms determined to push a few boundaries, and found that in many ways she was even more inexperienced than I could have imagined. And she wanted _me_ to teach her!

Ah, the sacrifices we make for love….

Her response to me took my breath away. And her amazement at her own response was the most exciting thing I'd ever experienced. At the same time my loathing for the bloodsucker - for being what he was, as well as my resentment of him as a rival for Bella - expanded to contempt. It told me quite a lot about the bastard freak that this incredible girl was actually _grateful_ for attention that was hers by right! Who could claim to love a girl and so completely ignore her needs? What kind of a man was he? Oh, right, he wasn't a _man_ at all!

It was an odd, twisted triumph to me to be able to do things for her and with her that he hadn't cared, or dared, to do. One thing I knew for sure, there was a fire in my girl that matched the wolf in me. It would be my pleasure to introduce Miss Swan to her true self.

It was so tempting to take her that night. It would have been easy to persuade her, she was so hot and aroused. I wanted all of her with my whole being. I also wanted to make sure that our being together was everything she could wish, with no furtiveness or haste about it - and no listening for Charlie to come home early! I intended to make the best of impressions on her; I already had a plan….

Just one of the problems of being a teenager living at home is lack of the necessary privacy for a seduction.

**Study question**: is it a seduction if the intended asks you to?

In the last several months spent fantasizing about Bella I had pondered this problem with no real results till one day Old Quil was reminiscing about the old, _old_ days and the solution was presented to me. I could build one of those! And I had the perfect helpers already lined up. It was just a matter of waiting, some more, until my girl was ready: I _had_ promised to go at her pace….

Next obstacle: providing a cover story for Charlie. I didn't really think he's take after me with a deer rifle – I knew he liked me and approved of me for Bella – but a legitimate-sounding excuse to keep her over night in La Push would help him at least pretend that he that he didn't know what was going on.

Finally, I enlisted Emily's aid. She was all sympathy; doubtless she'd heard plenty from Sam about my lovelorn state! Her price: to trim my hair. I protested, explaining that I was growing it out from the crop job after my first phase, Bella seemed to prefer it long. Em assured me that she'd take off the minimum.

"Bella will definitely notice, Jake. Girls do. You're taking so much trouble over everything else; you should look your best. She _will_ appreciate it, trust me." So I gave in.

Sunday, as my Bella stepped from that old truck, I was thankful that I had taken Emily's advice about the hair, as well as getting something decent to wear for a change (also on Em's orders). She looked so pretty, in a clingy skirt and little flowered blouse. It was all I could do to keep from grabbing her and running off into the forest to our place right then.

I restrained myself, just brushing the back of one finger along her cheekbone down to her jaw, making a little circle around her mouth. She caught my knuckle lightly between her teeth; I felt like I could drown in the brown of her eyes, looking up at me with such desire.

Maybe there was something in that reincarnation stuff after all: I must have done something right in a past life – a dozen past lives - to earn this kind of good fortune.

I'm sure Emily's party was a good one, they always are, but my mind was entirely elsewhere. My eyes were always on my girl. Just waiting for the moment we could decently leave.

I led her away. She stumbled on the trail giving me an excuse to lift her in my arms; I had been wanting to hold her all afternoon. With my heightened senses I could hear her heart speed up, just as mine was doing, and her breathing quicken.

"You're not nervous are you?" She asked, playfully, "You're awfully quiet."

She had no idea. Cool as I was trying to be I actually did have considerable concerns. Not the least of which was that I hadn't been with a girl since Bella had started coming around back in January. Quite a while under any circumstances. Add to that the fact that I had come into my true nature in that period of time: I was so much stronger, and wilder, and bigger. Everywhere.

"It's, oh, you're so tiny, Bells, compared with me. I don't want to be too rough or hurt you, and… I just want you so much." The trust in her eyes forced the admission from me; I felt I owed her an honest answer since she was putting herself in my hands so confidently.

My heart soared as her arms tightened around my neck and she said, with a joyful laugh, "I want you, too, you know! More than anything I can ever remember." Dreams do come true, I decided.

We came to our destination. I set her on her feet and stepped back to watch her reaction. She stood for a moment, her mouth slightly open, studying the tiny shelter in front of us. My stomach twisted with a flare of nervousness, was it good enough for her?

I could see tears in her eyes as she turned her lovely face up to me, exclaiming, "It's beautiful!"

Clearing my throat, I explained the tradition behind what I translated as 'nest', a word that came fairly close. I didn't think she needed to know what the guys had been calling it while we worked on it.

Bella immediately picked up on the involvement of our friends in what she termed 'our little get together'. Silly girl, they knew all about us! Did she think they wouldn't see this as the next, inevitable step? It wasn't like I was asking her to consummate our relationship in the middle of the village! I knew that Bells had had a rather lonely life, she wasn't used to being part of such a tight, all-knowing community. We'd have to work on that: she _was_ a wolf-girl now.

Making light of her embarrassment, I drew her into the nest, that was the best distraction, I figured. Kneeling, I slipped off her shoes (so little!), setting them aside. I pulled her to me gently and cupped her chin in my hands. Taking my time, I kissed her, starting softly, then adding pressure. I slid my tongue between her lips, exploring her mouth as if it were the first time, savoring the moment.

A tiny sound of surrender came from deep in her throat and I moved my lips down to the little hollow between her collarbones, down to the top button of her blouse. She lifted her hands to unfasten it, but I stopped her, saying, " Let me do this." I felt a shiver pass over her as I undid one button at a time, kissing her delicate flesh as it was exposed until I reach the waistband of her skirt. I let the blouse fall to the quilt below.

I paused for a moment to take in the sight of her, standing there in her skirt and bra only. I had to smile at the picture she made. Bella truly had no idea of how beautiful she was to me.

Pulling her close again, I ran the tip of my tongue between her breasts up to the hollow of her shoulder. Her nibs hardened at the touch and I just had to take them each in turn in my mouth, through the soft material.

With a small gasp she undid the bra and slipped it off. She pressed my face to her breasts with her arms, panting as I kissed and suckled the one, my hand teasing and pinching the other. My other hand slid beneath her skirt, stroking up her leg to her ass. With my thumb I drew a line along her slit through her panties, feeling how moist the fabric became at my touch.

It was plain I was getting to her as she unbuttoned my shirt and pushed it down my shoulders. Her hands stroked and gripped my back and shoulders as if she had never touched me before.

I looked up at her, her lips were parted, her chest heaving. Acting on impulse, I ducked my head under her skirt, where the scent of her filled my head and my chest as if I had never truly breathed before. The surge of desire I felt in response to her arousal was making it hard to keep this as slow and gentle as I had promised myself.

I kissed the inside of her knee and slowly moved my lips up the satin skin on her inner thigh, ever closer to the source of that intoxicating scent. My senses whirled and I heard her say, shakily, "I have to sit down." She almost fell back to the quilts covering the piled up pine boughs that made our bed. Nice to know I was making an impression.

I took a moment to pull myself together by switching on the tiny LED lights I had set around the walls of the nest. I knew Bella was modest but I really wanted to see everything. My eyes were so enhanced by the wolf gene that even such dim lighting would be sufficient for me without causing my girl any discomfort.

Bella surprised me as I let myself down beside her by reaching almost desperately to unfasten my shorts, then tugging them off, her eyes wandering over my body. I had to swallow hard before I said, "I shouldn't be the only one naked here," as I gently pushed her to lie back. I began slowly inching her skirt down, drawing out the anticipation, again pressing my lips to her as each sliver of skin was revealed.

As I slipped the skirt from under her and tossed it aside, her aroma assailed me again. I brushed my nose over her mound through the satin of her panties. No mere human could imagine the effect on my exponentially heightened sense of smell and I had to struggle with myself to keep from acting on my wolfish nature. This was the reaction I had been worried about, that my animal side would triumph. Slow, steady, gentle, I reminded myself, as I mouthed her treasure through the soft fabric, before seizing the garment with my teeth to pull it away.

Holding myself under tight restraint I lay down beside her, length to length, and slowly, slowly ran my hand down her body, relishing the texture of her skin, smooth as cream. With a little whimper, Bella crushed herself against me. As she ground her hips against the heat of my hard-on, I could hear the wolf inside me rumble its hunger for her.

I kissed her deeply before pulling away to run my hands searchingly down her softness. I clasped her foot and placed a kiss on the instep before sliding her leg over my shoulder. I heard her gasp as I ran my tongue along the inside of her thigh on the way to my goal.

I spread her lips with my hand and probed her cleft with my mouth. She was so silky wet for me. I heard "Oh, Jake!" sigh from her as I played her clit with my tongue. Her breaths came hoarse and insistent as I drove first one finger, then two, into her deeply. She gripped my hair and pressed my face firmly into her split. I felt a growl deep in my chest as I consumed her, savoring her essence; she tasted of sun-warmed tide pools. She cried out her ecstasy and I felt her contract around my fingers. I held her and stroked her as she came back to earth.

Disentangling herself, my girl sat up whispering, "Now, I want to take care of you." She was the most amazing sight, her brown eyes misty with emotion, her chest heaving, the flush of passion over her chest and neck. It was the girl I saw in my fantasies, only better, because she was real and here and looking at me with those eyes….

She brushed my chest with her thick brown hair, and then knelt at my side. Taking the hand that had pleasured her, she drew it slowly over her body to her mouth, where she kissed each finger, then traveled her mouth down my arm to my chest and lower still.

Through slitted eyes I watched her explore me with her tiny hands. I felt an intense tightening in my groin as she ran her tongue around the head of my cock then swirled all down the length. All my imaginings of this couldn't compare to the reality of her soft mouth and hands on Little Chief. I couldn't watch any more. I abandoned myself, almost, to the sensations.

I had to stop her. I was getting too close, it was hard to control myself. "Bells. Stop. Please." I groaned. If I went off now I'd give her whiplash.

"Not good?" She mumbled, her mouth full of me. The vibration of her words and the feel of her breath almost did me in right then. I drew a deep, shuddering breath and let it out with a whoosh as she disengaged.

I pulled her into a deep kiss, murmuring, "For someone who claims not to know what she's doing, that was very…effective." Didn't want her to think I wasn't appreciative. "We'll just take a little break here. Roll over, I'll rub your back."

I stroked and kneaded her smooth skin and delicate bones as I quelled the inner wolf and got command of myself again. I kissed each little knob of her spine down to her sweetly rounded ass. I whispered, "Are you ready, Bells?"

She made the most inviting little moan as she rolled over. I had given considerable thought (aaah!) about what position to take, given the difference in our sizes. I didn't want to smother her!

I knelt between her legs and sat back on my heels, pulling her up on to my thighs. I was almost trembling as I fit my aching hard-on to her tender little pussy. I began to rock slowly into her, into the place made for me. A definite advantage: I could see everything! Her face, her body, my rod entering her….

I could hear her softly exclaiming, "Oh, oh, oh," in time to my movements. Was I hurting her? I thought anxiously.

I stopped, asking, "Are you all right?"

"Ye-e-s?" She whispered, a little uncertainly. Then, almost fiercely, "_Yes_, it's good, _good_, go on." She jerked her hips almost impatiently, urging me on. That was all the encouragement I needed. She gave another moan, longer and deeper than before, as I began again.

This time I had no doubt about her wants: her fingers were digging into my thighs, pulling me ever closer to her. I slipped her knee over my arm and her cry was a higher version of my own as I filled her to the hilt. She was so soft, so warm; she fit around me so snugly. I was in _heaven_!

My wolf snarled at me to plunge into her wildly, but gritting my teeth, I took up a slow, steady rhythm. I cast my mind around for a distraction, not wanting to end this too soon. I thought about building the nest, _so_ _soft, so wet_…. School starting in a few weeks, _go faster_…. Charlie's outraged face – definitely not that! Paul's face – even worse! _Oh, my Bella_….

Bella moved and I felt her little hands on my shoulders, pulling gently. At my questioning look, she gasped out, "Need to – hold you – close to me." I lowered myself to my forearms, whispering, "Put your legs around my waist." Her legs and arms wrapped around me tightly and her hips moved to meet mine as if she couldn't get close enough. _Faster, deeper…._

Under me, I could hear Bella's breath coming more wildly, her movements becoming uncontrolled. She clenched around me rhythmically, as her tremors spread through her body, I heard her cry out, "Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh, _fuck_!" A word she never used.

Hearing her so lost in her pleasure, pleasure that _I_ was giving her, pushed me over the edge. I gave myself up to the joy of finally, _finally_ being with the girl I loved. All the fire that I had been holding so tightly in my gut and my groin spasmed from me in gouts of flame. Instinctively, I threw back my head and howled in triumph and relief.

………

Much, _much_ later that night I woke to a faint sound. Bella was curled up against me, her head pressed against my chest. She sighed soft words, then again, "My Jacob," snuggling deliciously closer, asleep all the while.

I hadn't known it was possible to be this happy.

My Bella.

………

So, what do you think of the little trip through Jake's head…?

I actually had not intended to have a JPOV at this point (the Epilogue will be from Jacob's POV) but this just wouldn't leave me alone!

**Chapter 12. Renée**

"Mom, Phil, this is my b-boyfriend, Jacob Black." By the flicker of an eyebrow, he let me know that my faltering introduction had not gone unnoticed.


	12. Chapter 12

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain.

Moonshadow

**12. Renee**

At last the plane was circling for landing at the Jacksonville airport, the long trip from Forks finally at an end. I was stiff and sore from the series of long flights; my heart went out to Jacob having to compress his hulking length into an airplane seat, though, true to form, he never complained.

I had found myself wondering what it would be like for Jacob, and me, outside of his comfort zone. While I had traveled very few places, it was more than Jake had. I had only ever seen him in a place where he was completely at home and confident. He was pretty adaptable, on the whole, but I was very curious to see his reactions to entirely unfamiliar situations.

So far, he was taking everything with his usual calm good humor, remarking that the people-watching at the airports was outstanding.

As we stepped into the waiting area I was tackled by Renee, whose squeals of joy drowned out all attempts at communication by any other person on the concourse.

"Mom, Phil, this is my b-boyfriend, Jacob Black." By the flicker of an eyebrow, he let me know that my faltering introduction had not gone unnoticed.

I watched with considerable amusement as her eyes traveled the full extent of him, widening all the way. He treated her to his very best smile (causing my heart to flutter, he looked so wonderful!), politely saying in his husky voice, "How do you do, Mrs. Dwyer? Thank you so much for inviting me." Renee blinked as her hand was engulfed in his; it was interesting to see this from the outside.

"P-please, call me Renee," my mother stammered. "This is my husband, Phil." As the two shook hands, I observed to myself, that although I had always considered my ball-player stepfather to be quite a brawny specimen, even he looked rather diminished next to Jake's powerful presence.

Typical small talk ensued through the collecting of luggage and the drive to the house. It was an attractive enough ranch-style with the advantage of having the master bedroom at one end, while the other two bedrooms were at the opposite side of the house. One of these was fitted up as a den, with a foldout bed in the sofa, separated from the official guestroom by a shared bath. Jake's bag was set down in the den, while Renee led me to the other room. Her wide-eyed look at me was impossible to interpret: was it permission or a warning regarding the sleeping arrangements?

I was highly impressed as Jacob took the shortest route to endearing himself to my mom by admiring her collection of Precious Moments figurines with a fervor that no doubt sounded sincere to someone who didn't know him as I did. Likewise, he won Phil over, as we sat down for a late dinner, with a hearty discussion of current sports happenings. Male bonding.

I had warned Renee about the size of Jake's appetite which, judging by the portions she dished out, she had taken to heart. I was also thankful that she had opted to prepare something simple, braised beef short ribs and my absolute favorite: Grandma Marie's corn pudding. My mom's ambitions in the kitchen often outstripped her skills, especially when she got excited, such as in the event of her wallflower daughter bringing home a person of the male persuasion.

My feelings of relief and pleasure soon evaporated as Renee, damn her, started in on a topic that I had hoped would surface later in our visit: that of Jacob's career choice.

"So, Jacob," She said, primly, "Bella tells me that you plan to go through the wildlife management program with the Washington Parks Department and become a game warden, is that right? I just want you to know that I detest hunting! I can't see why anyone would want to shoot a defenseless animal! Disgusting!" She poised herself as if for combat.

Great, Mom, nice way to start off! I thought grimly to myself. This could be a very long week.

"Oh, I understand exactly what you mean, Renee." He returned, mildly. "But really, you know, there's nothing wrong with hunting itself, properly regulated. The main problem is some of the _hunters_. That's where people like me come in. By the way, this corn pudding is terrific. Do you know how to make this, Bells?"

Jake went on serenely, describing the various programs maintained by the Parks Department and stressing the law enforcement side of the work. I had heard all of this before, of course, and I was fascinated by the effect he was having on my mother as her upright position and haughtily lifted chin began to relax under my wolf boy's calm discussion of conservation and resource management.

"I hadn't really looked at those aspects of it." Renee murmured, "So it's all about protecting and preserving for you, I guess."

"Absolutely." He assured her. "The Quileute, and all the other tribes that I'm familiar with, have always taken a custodial view of the lands where we live. When the Europeans came they just didn't see how carefully everything was managed because it didn't resemble the farms and such that they were used to."

"For that matter, my tribe has various official conservation projects that always need trained professionals, as well as the BIA and BLM, but I think those might be too political for me."

He smiled sweetly as Renee was completely vanquished. He sounded and looked so earnest, and I while knew that he wholeheartedly believed what he said, I also had discovered that my Jake had considerable talents at dissembling. He hadn't _exactly_ played the race card, but my ardently PC mother had no defense for such an adroit tactic.

Following dessert (Key Lime pie, of course, Jake had two pieces), Renee reluctantly allowed us off to bed, saying that we must be worn out after a day that had started at four a.m., on the other side of the country.

After looking and listening in the hallway to be sure that Renee and Phil had retreated to their own area, I firmly steered Jake into the bedroom designated as mine. He smirked down at me saying, "In your own mother's house, Ms. Swan! I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked!"

"Hush," I murmured, pushing him down on the bed. "Just remember, no howling!"

………

Later on, looking back, I found myself wondering at how I could have doubted Jacob's ability to embrace new situations. He took to each activity with typical enthusiasm and energy. If there was something unfamiliar or confusing, he pursued the matter till he was satisfied – he even asked directions!

The rest of our trip passed exactly as a Florida vacation should: sunshine; sightseeing; swimming every day, either at one of the beaches or at the big pool in the folks' subdivision. I was pleased at this, it gave me a chance to show off my solitary athletic accomplishment. Jake wondered aloud why I never would swim at the beaches at home. I hurled a battery of arguments at him (which could be summed up in one sentence: "It's too frakkin' freezing!") till I realized he was taunting me.

Jacob swam with the same effortless strength he gave to everything since he phased; although he observed ruefully, "I'm a good swimmer as a man, but as a wolf all I can do is dog-paddle!"

With all the sun, even my sun-defying pale skin took on a little color. Jacob admired the tan lines.

We reveled in the local seafood, enjoyed _medianoche_ sandwiches and _palomillo_ at Cuban restaurants and, most memorably, introduced Jake to Thai food, which he adored. Renee and I tolerantly rolled our eyes as a _sambal_-eating contest ensued between Phil and Jacob. One of those Y chromosome things, obviously.

Then, of course, there was Jake in bed with me at night. In the morning. In the shower.

………

Mid-way through our visit, Renee and I went at the biggest, most lavish mall I had ever been in. She wanted to take me to the huge Barnes and Noble there, remarking that she knew how hard it was to buy books in the Forks area. I thanked her enthusiastically, not revealing that Angela and I had made a couple of trips to Portland to shop at Powell's, that Mecca for readers.

Recently, I had almost abandoned my longtime habit of reading and rereading the old favorites: I no longer needed the comfort of the familiar plots and anticipated outcomes. As in life, I was eager as never before to try new things, breathless for what would come next. I was gulping down new books, of a huge variety, as if starving for the words. The Misses Austin and Bronte would always be valued friends, but there was so much _more_ out there.

The summer league baseball team that Phil coached, even while in the cast from his broken leg, was playing today and he had invited Jacob to come with him to the game. It was the first time I had had alone with my mother since we'd gotten to Jacksonville. As we stood in line at the food court, we chatted mostly about my life, but also about families and individuals that she had known in her life in Forks, now twenty years past.

We took our lunches to the courtyard where a man in flowing tie-dye robes played what sounded like _Stairway to Heaven_ on the pan flute.

"So, you've made some good friends at last, lovey. Angela Webber sounds like a nice girl, I think I knew her parents." Her voice drifted off.

"She's really great, I'm going to miss her when she goes off to school in the fall, but it's not too far, so we'll be able to keep up. She's going to help me redecorate my room when we get back from the trip." I had decided that since I was going to be at Charlie's house for some time, I'd better update from the décor that had been pretty much the same since Renee's day.

"That woman who owns the little café sounds – colorful." Renee said, a trifle doubtfully.

"Etta is certainly that!" I agreed. "She's really taught me a lot about cooking. Did I tell you that she's tutoring me in Spanish?"

"You seem to spend a lot of time out at the reservation." She went on, rather listlessly.

"Uh, yeah, and not just with the pack, I hang out with Emily pretty often, and with Leah Clearwater sometimes, too."

"The pack?" She queried.

"Oh, that's what the Jake's friends call themselves, the wolf pack. It's a guy thing." I rolled my eyes. Great Bella! Almost blew that one!

"Charlie's doing all right, I gather?" She really didn't seem interested and it wasn't as if they didn't talk every week or so…. What was going on with my usually bubbly mother? She sounded rather strained. Maybe it was just my imagination, but was she steering around the subject closest to my heart?

I couldn't wait any longer. "So, Mom, what do you think, a-about Jacob?" Really, how could she fail to be impressed? To my surprise, she took a moment before answering. Reflecting before speaking was so unlike my flighty mother who usually blabbed out everything on her mind.

"He's very – pleasant," She began without conviction. "Nice manners, certainly easy on the eyes…." Her voice dwindled away.

"I guess that I'm a little surprised, sweetie." She said slowly. "I thought it was just a crush…but I can see now that it's not. I sort of expected, well, after all our talks, that you would wait to get so serious with someone."

This was so far from the response I had expected that I was momentarily struck dumb. I found my voice as I saw, to my horror, that she was beginning to cry.

"Mom, what's the matter? Are you saying that you don't like Jake?" In all my imaginings I had never allowed for this possibility – I simply didn't know what to do next. I found my own eyes filling with tears of dismay as I looked at her distress.

"Oh, look at me!" She exclaimed. "Really, baby, it's nothing to do with Jacob, he's lovely, or you. It's – it's just me." She mopped at her eyes with a paper napkin. "I hate to admit it, but I'm struggling with the idea that you're all grown up now. You're not my little Ellabell anymore!" Her voice was almost a wail.

"When you moved up to Forks to let me be with Phil, I _knew_ things would change, of course, but I don't think I really _believed_ it. I guess I thought that at some point you'd move down here with us when we got settled and things would go back pretty much to the way they were in Phoenix."

"But now, you have a job, you look after Charlie, and you have new friends …and you bring home a boy who looks at you the way Jacob does. You've made your own life, and I don't have any part in it." Her lips quivered.

"Oh, Mom!" I exclaimed, stricken. "You'll always be part of my life, you know that! You've been more help than you know with Jake and me. I might not even know I was in love with him if it wasn't for something you said." I peered anxiously into her face. "I brought him with me to Jacksonville because I wanted you to see how marvelous he is! I want you to love him, too. Charlie does, you know."

"Yes, he does, doesn't he?" Renee gave a sniffle and laughed shakily. "Really, I-I like Jacob. I certainly don't want to be one of those awful mothers who think no man on the planet is good enough for her daughter. I'm just having a hard time with how intense he is about you, like he's made up his mind, once and for all."

"What makes you say that? How does he look at me?" I really wanted to know what she saw. Jake was always affectionate and frequently told me how much he loved me; but sometimes I would look up at his face and see an expression in his brown eyes that I didn't quite understand. I only knew that it made my heart beat faster.

She gave me a tremulous smile and said softly, "Like he's found the most precious thing in the world and can't quite believe his luck…. That part is good, every mother wants that for her daughter. And take that business about his career plans: that wasn't just philosophy, you know, he was letting me know that he has 'prospects'." She made quotation marks in the air. I gulped, that aspect of Jacob's ambitions hadn't occurred to me.

Her eyes were far away as she went on, dreamily, "There's something else, though. Like he's drawn to you in away that isn't …usual. It goes beyond anything I've ever seen."

My mother had often referred to herself as a 'sensitive', at which I had always scoffed. In my view, that merely meant that it was harder to disprove than plainly claiming to be psychic. This, however, was much too close for comfort. Knowing what I now did of the world, and how near she probably was to the truth, perhaps she really did have something going on. It was definitely time to head her off.

"Mom, have you been hanging out at those New Age gatherings again? You've been rebirthed, again, right? Remember the time you wanted to buy an _aura camera_?" We both laughed at the memory.

"So how do you feel about him, Bella? Is it the same? That forever sort of thing?"

I didn't feel quite ready to reveal the depths of my feelings for Jacob. I still was surprised, and somewhat mistrustful, at the attachment I had for him. A year previously, I had been in so deep for someone else that I was rather reluctant to express how completely captivated I was by him. I could barely admit to myself my need for him on so many levels.

Lightly, I said, "Oh, I've just been enjoying living in the moment so much, having fun with Jake, that I haven't really given much thought to the future."

"Mmmm hmmm, I see." Renee murmured skeptically.

I laughed ruefully, and blurted out in a rush, "There's no keeping it from you, is there? You know me too well! I'm absolutely_…_." My voice caught and I had to take a breath.

"It's so cliché, but I didn't know it could be like this. That loving someone could be so easy and natural and just _right_ feeling. But it's so - overwhelming, all at the same time." I stopped there, feeling as if I might cry again.

Steadying myself, I continued, "I just get kind of, well, freaked out by words like _forever_ and _always_…well, you know."

Renee patted my hand and said firmly, "This isn't like that thing with Edgar, honey, I can tell. And Jacob is an entirely different sort. Earthy, somehow, but I mean it nicer than it sounds." We both gave a little giggle.

"Can your old mother offer you some advice?" I nodded.

She took a deep breath, "I know it's hindsight, but your father and I have talked many times that your reaction to Edwin leaving might not have been so bad if you hadn't been so completely wrapped up in him to the exclusion of every thing else. So, um, don't expect Jacob to be everything for you. It sounds great in songs and all, but it doesn't work in real life. And it's not fair to him. Just think about it."

My mom shook her head, with a wistful look on her face, saying, "This is all so amazing, you were always the one lecturing _me_ in the past, remember?" I nodded.

She smiled, genuinely this time. "First love is just that, baby, first love. It's wonderful and amazing, but it isn't necessarily best or deepest or anything else. You've got more than one love in you. Follow it." She nodded decisively. "Don't shortchange yourself, or Jacob, just because he's not the first person you've loved."

Until this moment, I had always felt like the parent in our relationship, decrying what I saw as Renee's too susceptible heart. I had stood outside her love affairs over the years, passing judgment on her ups and downs with this man or that. I cringed inwardly at the thought of what an unsympathetic little prig I had been. It had taken a love of my own to level the playing field.

I suddenly felt more at ease with the whole idea of being so in love with Jake. I realized, that in spite of my admission to him on the beach that day, I had been, not exactly holding back, but still… cautious. I was having a hard time ridding myself of the idea that it was unwise, even dangerous, to set one's heart on a person as firmly as mine was set on Jacob. Having spoken of the unruliness of my feelings about him to my mother, I had a sensation of yielding to those inexplicable, illogical emotions. It might be all right, somehow, to not be in control.

"I wish you could see how _you_ look at _him_!" My mother's eyes twinkled at me; it was plain that she had recovered from her dejection. "You make a beautiful woman, Bella, and that boy has a lot to do with it! Though he certainly doesn't look much like a boy, does he? You said _tall_, but my goodness! Are you sure he's only eighteen?"

"Nineteen on December 15." I shrugged.

"Yes, I thought he seemed like a Sagittarius. I'll have to look up the compatibility with Virgo, maybe do a chart..."

"Oh, Mom!" That was so Renee! "Did you think about horoscopes when you fell for Phil? Honestly!"

"Only _much_ later." She admitted with a girlish giggle. "By the way, sweetie, you two don't have to go on messing up both beds. Just be comfortable."

………

"We won't get there any faster by pushing, Jacob." I said with a chuckle.

We were back in the North West. Our flight had landed at Sea-Tac almost on time and now we were on the Bremerton ferry. As soon as he had parked the car below, Jake had practically run to the prow of the boat where he was leaning against the barrier as if he could force more speed into its progress by sheer will.

"I guess I am pretty glad to be getting home." He agreed, a little sheepishly. "Don't get me wrong -I had a great time. It was good to meet your folks and Jacksonville's a nice place…." His voice trailed off.

"But?" I said encouragingly, pretty sure of his hesitance.

"But it's not _my_ place." He looked around raptly. Even though this wasn't the prettiest part of the Sound, he appeared to be drinking it all in eagerly. He went on, musingly, "I had no idea how hard it would be to go without phasing for so long. I felt kind of out of balance."

"Unbalanced, that's you!" I joked. "Really? It was hard?"

"It wasn't like I was in danger of phasing on the fly and chasing after the mail man or anything, but, yeah, I'm really looking forward to patrols again. But then, I'm looking forward to going to work, too. Getting my head under the hood of a car."

"Yeah," I sighed happily, "I'm pretty glad to be home, myself. More than I thought I would be. This place has grown on me, or maybe it's just the company I keep these days." I slipped my hand around his elbow and leaned my head against his arm.

"That's a relief!" Exclaimed Jake, as he mimed wiping sweat from his forehead. "Here I was, thinking I'd have to argue to keep you from moving back to the Sunbelt. Beats me why you like the heat so much, Bells, it wears my ass out!"

"Oh," I said dreamily, "It's not like that in Phoenix, no humidity. We'll go there some day. The thing that got me was how bright it was, it kind of made my eyes ache. I actually missed gray skies!"

He gave a mild snort, " Did you notice that the weather was the same every day we were there? Weird." I forbore to mention that Forks had seemed like that to me, my first year.

Laughing, Jacob said, " I felt like that scene in _The Wizard of Oz_, where Dorothy steps out of black-and-white Kansas into fabulous Technicolor OZ; she was always trying to get home, too."

"Click your heels three times," I replied.

………

Isn't Renée something? Leave me a review, please!

Chapter 13. Confusion

I sat frozen in the car for several minutes with my hand clamped over my mouth, my eyes wide with shock at what had just happened. It was entirely my fault; I had goaded easy-going Jacob into walking out on me.


	13. Chapter 13

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain.

**Moonshadow**

In which Bella learns the old adage 'the course of true love never did run smooth'…

**13. Confusion**

Charlie and I had met up with Jacob at Dot's Diner for breakfast. Jacob and I had plans to spend the rest of the day at his house. Alone. Billy was in Hoquiam for the annual Inter-tribal Council. Rachel and Paul had recently moved into a tiny duplex on the far end of the village.

Our meal finished, I stepped over to another table to exchange some words with a few of my former classmates. This was merely for the sake of courtesy, for other than Angela, Ben and Mike, I really had no one from Forks High School that I cared about.

I caught up with Charlie at the cash register. "Gotta run, Bells. Six-dozen of those miniature boxes of laundry soap were stolen from the vending machine at the Fresh-as-Pine Laundromat! It'll be vigilante justice if I don't go sort it out!" He chuckled.

Charlie made fun of small town crime, but I knew he was glad of mildness of this particular call. Tiny though Forks was, my dad did see his share of actual crime and violence, which I did my best not to consider.

"Anarchy at our very doorstep!" I exclaimed. "Where's Jake?"

"He stepped out to the car." We approached the door. Through the glass, I could see my wolf boy near the Rabbit, in conversation with – oh, crap! – _her._ Callie. His old - girlfriend? We hadn't spoken about her; I only knew from some things that the pack had let slip here and there, that Jake had been seeing her up until last winter, when I had arrived at his house with the bikes. I remembered her from Harry Clearwater's funeral, but had barely seen her since. She evidently ran with a different crowd than the pack.

She was so pretty and vivid with her cinnamon-colored skin and shiny black hair. I felt pallid and almost invisible by comparison. Great figure, too, wouldn't you know it? Her jeans might have been airbrushed on and her cropped pink t-shirt showed a gold navel ring that glowed against the warm color of her skin. I could just imagine how pathetic such thing would look on me, with my pale flesh; my Florida tan had faded rapidly.

They made a great looking couple.

"Looks like you better go defend your property, Bella." Charlie said with a smirk as he headed to the cruiser. I stood in the door for a moment, uncertain what to do. Break into the conversation? Ignore them? Walk home? Jake looked uncomfortable: his body stiff, arms crossed, face closed. That decided me: like hell I was going to let this girl move in on what was mine! I flipped my hair back and strode toward the car, head high, as if I had more confidence than I actually possessed.

As I approached the car I heard him saying, dismissively, "Nice talking to you, Cal. See you." He almost scrambled into the car as I went to the passenger side, giving the other girl a meaningful sidelong look. Callie tossed her beautiful head and stalked away haughtily.

As I got in the car and buckled in, I asked as mildly as I could, "What was that about?" I couldn't dismiss the notion that Callie hoped to get back with Jake, in spite of me.

"Beats me." He replied, grudgingly, as he negotiated the parking lot. "A girl thing. She just needs to move on, whatever we had going is over." He shrugged.

We pulled out into traffic, turning onto the heavily forested road that led to La Push.

"What did you have going?" The words popped out of my mouth involuntarily. Why did I say that? It wasn't my concern, what Jacob had done before we got together.

"Nothing much." Jake replied with tight lips. "We just had some…fun times. Strictly casual." His voice was flat, plainly trying to discourage this line of talk.

"What kind of fun?" I couldn't help asking. I really didn't want to know, _really_, but it was sort of like having a toothache and not being able to help poking at the sore place with my tongue.

"Is it important?" He said, dryly. "I haven't exactly hidden that I've had other girlfriends, Bella, before you. Should I start grilling you about Newton?" He was obviously trying to lighten the conversation.

"I thought he was going to herniate his face for a while there, he couldn't decide between making googoo eyes at you and glaring at me." He gave a rather forced snicker at the memory of Mike's antics.

"Or how about that time at the beach in Jacksonville? I left you alone for about two and a half minutes to get a Coke, by the time I came back you'd attracted half the guys on the beach."

"Oh," I scoffed, "There were only two or three of them. They didn't mean anything. Just friendly guys, you know." I felt a bit smug: he remembered!

"Yeah, so friendly that one guy was offering to rub sunscreen on your fair skin. Purely out of friendship, no doubt. A real humanitarian, protecting pretty girls from skin cancer. " He raised an ironic eyebrow.

"It was a good bit different," I muttered, " I didn't have anything 'going' with any of them."

"What's up with this? For crying out loud, Bells!" He exclaimed resentfully. "I swear, I always told her it was casual between us, that I wasn't looking for anything serious."

"So, are you saying you were just using her?" The words just slipped out of me. Why, why was I testing him this way? It was so ugly, but I couldn't seem to stop.

"She _said_ it was the same for her, too. Girls have been known to use guys from time to time, too, you know." The look he shot me made me all too aware of how I had taken advantage of him, and his affection for me, during the time I was broken. But that was before….

Stung by that truth, I blurted out, "I-is that what's going to happen to us? You'll find someone else to have _fun_ _times_ with? Here I've been worried you'd imprint on some other girl and really it was a matter of someone to have _fun_ with!" I could feel my face flush with anger – and with shame at my stupid behavior; but the feeling of shame just drove my anger onward.

"What do you want from me, Bella? Am I supposed to apologize for not seeing into the future and knowing that some day I'd get my chance with you? For all I knew, you were going to ride off into the sunset with Cullen, or off to the family crypt, or whatever the hell their kind do!" He was really furious now; I had rarely seen him like this.

"Y-you didn't know about that back then!" I stammered out, as if that made any difference.

"Good thing I didn't! I really _would_ have gone crazy. Bad enough as it was!" He snarled. His hands were trembling violently on the steering wheel.

"Nothing like _that_ ever happened between us!" I protested vehemently.

"But that wasn't your doing, was it? It was all him – you'd have been all over him if you'd had your way! You think I don't know that? Why do you think some of the pack were so against us being a couple? Because you were… close to that filthy, unspeakable -." He choked in his fury, unable to continue.

"So you think I'm - tainted, some how?" I gasped, horrified not only at his words, but also at the unstoppable force of what I had started.

"What fucking difference does it make, you obviously think _I_ am, for just living my life! How do you think I feel? Knowing I'm second choice? Second best, for you?"

He slammed on the brakes, the little car juddering to a halt at the roadside. He thrust open the car door with such force that it rebounded on him with a thud as he jumped out.

"I don't know what's with you, Bella, but it's pretty fucked up. I don't want any part of it! Get your head straight and I'll be back. MAYBE!" He shouted at me, and then he turned and ran into the forest.

I sat frozen in the car for several minutes with my hand clamped over my mouth, my eyes wide with shock at what had just happened. It was entirely my fault; I had goaded easy-going Jacob into walking out on me. And for what?

Seeing him talking with that girl from his past had brought up all the old feelings of insecurity, and fears of rejection, that I had thought I had gotten beyond.

So why was I doing my best to push away the person I loved most in the world?

Was it because I thought it might hurt less if I forced him away, than if he left me?

I got out of the Rabbit and looked around. No telling where Jake had gone. I stepped tentatively between the trees at where I guessed he had entered. A few paces and I was in another world.

The vast Olympic forest was eerie and forbidding: I had always been reminded of Mirkwood from _The Hobbit_. With Jacob beside me I could appreciate its monumental beauty. Alone, I was all too aware of the thick silence, of shadows that were a palpable presence. The very smell of the rich humus that covered the forest floor seemed to be the emanation of something that did not want me here. I had to stop; it would be so easy to get lost here.

Aghast at the scene just past, too enraged at myself even to cry, I sank on to a moss-covered fallen tree. Not caring that dampness was seeping through my jeans, I buried my face in my hands, giving a whimper, "Oh, Jake!"

The day, which had started hazy but bright, was darkening rapidly. It seemed only fitting that it began to sprinkle lightly, as if the day were crying in sympathy, while my eyes remained dry in spite of my anguish. Too wretched to get up and try to find the car, I pulled my knees up, wrapping my arms around them and rested my head, moaning.

No telling how long I sat there, aching with remorse, berating myself for my stupidity, wondering if I'd get the chance to set things right. Certain things had become very clear to me. Why did moments of introspection and clarity always have to come at the price of harsh scenes and hasty words?

In the cathedral-like hush of the woods the only sounds were the soft drips of water, falling with a mushy thud to cushioned forest floor, and an occasional rustle in the dense underbrush.

The silence of the forest took on a different quality and I looked up, startled. I could see Jacob standing several feet away, his eyes wide and wary. I stood up slowly, all the words I had been wanting to say to him stilled on my tongue. I took a step forward, reaching out my hand.

Fast as lightning, he covered the distance between us, pulling me into one of his mammoth hugs. "Bells, let's not fight, please. I feel horrible, I-." He fell silent.

He held me for a long moment. I finally broke the embrace, saying, "We need to talk, I've been – thinking."

"Okay, let's get out of the wet, though. The wind is changing to the west, we'll get more rain soon." Jake led me back to the car, I was surprised at how far I had wandered and gave a little shiver at the thought.

The brief drive to the house was mostly silent, broken only when I asked, "How did you know where to find me?"

"I always know where you are." He answered quietly.

Jake parked in front and started to head for the house when I steered him toward the garage. "Do you mind?"

I looked around the familiar space, with its organized clutter, breathing in the petroleum smells. "It all started here." I murmured.

"For you. It started a lot sooner for me." Jake said, very low.

I better get started; I had to make him understand.

"I – we – oh." I stammered out. "Y-you said something in the car, about being second best for me. It got me thinking, about how we are together. I saw how unfair I've been to you. I am so _sorry_, Jacob, I -." My voice trailed off; there was a thickness in my throat making it hard to talk.

"Don't break up with me, Bella. Please, don't." He stood back, holding himself stiffly. His eyes were huge and his normally rich skin color was ashen.

"Oh, Jake, _no_! That's not it at _all_!" I hurled myself at him, throwing my arms around his waist. "When you said second best, I just felt sick inside. " I leaned back, craning my head, to look up at him. I realized that I was half crying at the thought of Jacob's uncertainty.

He huffed out a breath, saying shakily, "Jeez, Bells, you really had me going there. When you said 'it all started here', I thought for sure you were going to end it here, too." He held me tightly, pressing kisses to my hair. "

"Let me finish…."

Jacob had scrounged up a few battered PVC lawn chairs to sit in, now that the Rabbit no longer took up so much of the space. He pulled two of these so that we could sit facing each other. With his knees on either side of mine, taking my hands in both of his, he sat and waited for me to begin.

"Jacob, I owe you a whole raft of apologies, I -."

He burst in. "I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that! I should never have run away, I -."

"Stop! My turn, then I'll listen to anything you have to say."

_He pretended to lock his lips and then threw the invisible key over his shoulder. _

I took a deep breath. "I thought I was mad about your old girl friend. And I was - really - _jealous_. You have no idea."

"Oh, I bet I do." He muttered darkly. I reached over and made the locking motion over his mouth. He rolled his eyes sheepishly.

"But mainly, it was something else." I found that I was twisting my fingers together. "I've been… expecting all along that you would leave me. All this has seemed to good to be true, like I should have known it couldn't last." His eyes widened in horrified amazement; he remained quiet, but shook his head NO, vigorously.

"When I saw you two together…. Then later, when I thought you had walked out on me -." I had to stop again for a moment. Jacob raised his hand to speak; I nodded permission.

"_I_ won't leave you, Bella." He said it like a solemn promise. "Trust me. Please"

"I think I really knew that all along. I just wouldn't let myself see it, because of something that happened so long ago, it's like it happened to another person. Or like something I read in a book. Just now, I realized that if - if you didn't come back, that I would only have myself to blame. Because I hadn't let you know…."

I leaned forward and took his face, his dear, beautiful face, in my hands. "I. Choose. You. Jacob Black." I said emphatically. "You're part of me and there's no changing that. I wouldn't change it even if I could."

Jake blinked. And waited.

"Do you forgive me?" I asked in a small voice.

He nodded with a little smile playing around his lips.

"Oh, I get it!" I gave a slightly overwrought laugh and mimed unlocking his mouth.

"Thank you, Bella." He took my hand from where it touched his face and pressed a kiss to the palm. "I never really had a choice where you were concerned," He gave crooked grin, "But it would still be you, if I did."

He leaned in and touched his lips to mine, ever so lightly. A butterfly's kiss.

"Your turn, now." I reminded him.

He looked down at the ground, discomfort plain on his face. Taking a deep breath, he began.

"Wow, now it's hard to start. Oh, well. What Callie wanted with me, uh, she called me on the fact that I never really broke it off with her like I should have."

That sat me up straight; it was not at all what I had expected.

"Y'see, Bells, when you started coming around, it was like the answer to a prayer. I was so happy to have you there, it was just – too easy to pretend every thing was cool, like being together was the way things had always been."

I was struck by how different, yet how similar, our perceptions of that time had been. So many things had been going on in our heads that we had been concealing from each other.

"The thing is, she was right, of course. It was really chicken shit of me. And it's not the way I want to be. I felt really…embarrassed and low. When you started questioning me… oh, _man_!"

He ducked his head and looked up at me from under his eyebrows, unhappy and ashamed. "I let myself get angry at you instead of owning up. I said a lot really crappy things that I shouldn't have, I'm so sorry, Bella."

"S-she wasn't trying to get back with you?" I blurted.

"Is that what you were thinking?" He seemed truly surprised. "Hardly! She's got somebody. She was just reminding me of my manners."

"So, do you forgive me?" Jake asked hesitantly. "For being such a butt?"

I looked at his anxious face. "I know you're a wolf, but there must be some cocker spaniel in there, too, with those eyes! How could I not forgive you? So many stupid misunderstandings, on both sides."

I gave a slightly hysterical giggle; I was feeling shaky with relief after the roller coaster of emotions. Then he was kissing me and I was kissing him and I had other reasons to feel shaky. Between kisses, our whispered apologies turned to murmurs and sighs.

"What do you want to do now?" I asked archly.

"Well, there's a Jesse James program on…." He said thoughtfully, but with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

"Think again." I retorted, taking his hand and leading him out the door to the house.

………

My own hunger, and wantonness, where Jacob was concerned, both enthralled and frightened me. This was a side of myself that I had not suspected. I found myself preoccupied by sensations of him; when I held him it was as though I had finally learned what _arms_ were really for. Every aspect, each new mood, fascinated me. Lingering and intense, tender and sweet, swift and urgent, light-hearted and playful; it only seemed to get stronger as we went along.

As we stepped into the house, Jake pressed me back against the closed door, his hands on either side of me. Leaning in, he kissed me slowly and deliberately, gently sucking in my lower lip, then releasing it. His tongue slipped across my upper lip, then explored my mouth, taking exquisite time about.

As always when we kissed, I could feel the tiny flame that seemed to reside in me these days flicker and grow stronger in response to the fire that was my wolf-boy. His arm went around my waist, pulling me against him tightly. I could feel his arousal pressed against my stomach.

Still holding me, and brushing my lips with his, he turned me around and began to walk me backwards toward his bedroom. Placing my hands on his shoulders, I gave a little jump and he shifted his grip to my behind, lifting me. My thighs clamped on either side of his waist as I pressed myself ardently to his chest. He dropped backwards to the bed with me on top of him.

I rubbed my face into his neck and hair, absorbing his scent and gently lipping his ear. I sat up, straddling him, my fork pressing down on him. I ground into his rigidness, feeling his heat through the layers of denim that separated us.

"Too many clothes!" Jake grumbled, pulling my peasant top and bra up over my head. Laughing, I backed myself off of him and reached down to unfasten his cut-offs, easing them over his erection which almost jumped free of its own accord. I stood back to admire him, his strong body and the look of desire in his eyes. As always, the sheer maleness of him caught at my heart, and the knowledge that he wanted _me_ was dizzying.

Sitting up, Jacob pulled my jeans and cotton boy shorts down and I stepped out of them. He pressed his face against my belly, lightly rubbing his cheek over the soft flesh just below my navel. He drew a fiery line with the tip of his tongue from hip to hip, molding his hand over my mound. The coil of heat inside me tightened and strengthened perceptibly.

I pushed him back onto the bed and began my assault on him at his knee. I moved slowly up the inside of his thigh to his groin, kissing, nibbling, drawing out the sensations.

Reaching his hub, I cradled his member in both my hands, then closed my eyes and explored his length with my tongue and my lips, from tip to the nest of wiry black hair at the base. No thoughts of technique or what should happen next, I simply lost myself in the textures and taste of him. Jake's body was familiar to me now, but still utterly entrancing. Hearing the changes in his breathing, the half-formed words he murmured, the way his legs twitched when I lightly grazed him with my teeth; his responses fed a hunger inside me, while increasing it at the same time.

I continued my upward progress, sliding sinuously up his torso, keeping full contact. Pausing, I pressed my split firmly against his hard heat and rolled back and forth, side to side, rejoicing in the way his body arched to meet mine.

Jacob pulled me up to kiss me deeply, his hands roaming my back and my ass and my thighs, Then he drew me up farther so that my breasts were fully in his face, my hair hanging down around us like a veil. A tiny whine sounded in the back of my throat as he pressed forward and seized a nipple in his mouth, swirling with his tongue and making a soft sucking sound that caused me to shudder as a spear of electricity shot from his burning lips to my very center.

As soft as a whisper, I could feel his fingernails lightly raking the tender flesh of my inner thighs. His hand reached into my source, his fingers stroking, gliding, probing. He would drive me mad, as I sank into his touch, swaying with the rhythm he set, only to have him change that rhythm or withhold it. Giving little high-pitched growls of the sweetest frustration, I firmly took his hand and directed his fingers how I wanted them to go. I could feel the walls of my sex quivering helplessly under our combined touch, quivers that coalesced into rhythmic waves that carried me away with them.

Almost sobbing as the tremors lessened, I rested my forehead against his. "I need to feel all of you!" I panted. I crept my way backwards till I could feel his erection brushing my thigh. Grasping the amazing heat of his shaft, I manipulated it between my folds, anointing him with my wet silkiness. Fitting him to my opening, I began working my way down his length, moaning with each incursion, till he was fully within me.

Firmly clasping my hips, Jake pulled us both backwards till his back rested against the headboard. The movement and pressure inside me at this motion forced a hiss. His eyes flickered and he began to rock his pelvis. I picked up his pace and added my own. I began to taunt him, as he had me, by sliding myself up, just barely keeping his tip inside me for a few strokes, and then impaling myself on his length once more. He gave a breathy laugh, well aware of my 'revenge'.

"Aah. Aah. Aah. Aah." The sound of hoarse breathing, from us both, filled the room.

His grip on my hips changed and his hand slid to my cleft. With his thumb he drew lazy circles on my outer lips, spiraling closer to my center. Dipping in, he began to roll my clit like a bead in oil, now gently, now firmly. I arched my back, and dug my fingers into his waist, pulling him to me, as my motions became more frantic to feel him still deeper within me. The dual onslaught of his hard heat churning inside me, and the pressure of his thumb on my knot, pushed me completely out of myself on a shaft of flame.

Jacob cupped my ass firmly in his large, strong hands, effectively immobilizing me, as his thrusts came still faster and slightly erratic, he was getting very close.

I had read a lot about rapturous simultaneous climaxes, which I agreed certainly had a lot going for them, but I found that I liked, _loved_, being fully present for Jake's release. Watching his face crumple, seeing the flush rising, hearing his husky groans and grunts, touched something in me that had been deeply hidden, until now. A rush of purely feminine power that left me gasping with its intensity and that gave me an entirely different kind of satisfaction.

With his chest heaving, he pulled me to him, burying his face in my hair, rasping out my name. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. It felt as though I could never get close enough to him. I inhaled deeply, savoring the musk-ocean-pollen smell of lovemaking. I ran my tongue along his collarbone, tasting the salt on his skin; his temperature was so hot that perspiration dried almost immediately.

After a few long moments, we began to stir and reluctantly disentangled ourselves. Lying on his side, with his head propped up by his hand, Jacob curled his legs under mine and stroked my face tenderly.

I laced my fingers through his and smiled up at him. Say it first for once, Bella! I told myself firmly.

"I love you, Jake, really." I said a little bashfully: I wanted there to be no more misunderstandings on that score.

"Not to start anything, Bella, but what could possibly make you think that I would go take up with someone else?" He laughed softly, but his eyes were questioning. "Don't you believe me when I tell you I love you?"

"Ye-es." I said slowly.

"Yes, _but _– what?"

"Well, it seemed only reasonable that she'd want to get back with you…. I mean, what girl wouldn't?" I concentrated on examining the ends of my hair as I spoke.

"Well, you do have a point there, I can see that." He said quite solemnly and then gave me a cross-eyed look of exasperation. We both snickered. "But why would you think I'd be so ready to get back with her? Honest, honey, I don't get it."

"She's so gorgeous." I said in a small, forlorn voice.

"Sure, sure." Jake gave a massive snort of disgust. "Y'know, we guys really get screwed over on this business of girls and your looks!'

"Huh?" Was my eloquent reply.

"Look at it this way, Bells. If I tell you that your looks don't matter to me, because that's not why I'm in love with you, which is true, you take that to mean that I don't think you're pretty."

"Then if I tell you that you're pretty -," I started to interrupt, but he pressed a finger to my mouth "-you don't believe me - because you don't look like someone else?" Here he picked up my hand.

"Either that or you think I'm a liar," – placing a kiss on my palm - "or blind," – kissing my wrist – " or have awful taste," – kissing the crook of my elbow – "I can't tell. But any way, I can't win!"

He shook his head in mock dismay, but his eyes shone at me as he ducked his head, drawing his nose along my upper arm, and lightly mouthing the delicate curve between underarm and breast.

I could feel his heat stirring against the back of my leg and my heart began to pound although I had thought myself completely spent for the moment. A gust of wind blew a spatter of raindrops against the window as I turned to press myself against him, sliding a thigh between his and tilting my face up for more of his kisses.

………

_Western wind, when wilt thou blow,_

_The small rain down can rain?_

_Christ, that my love were in my arms,_

_And I in my bed again._

**Anonymous**

………

A/N: The call Charlie responds to in paragraph three was an actual 'Crime of the Week' – for about a month – in the small town where I live!

Leave me a review of what you think of this lovers' quarrel!

**Chapter 14. Dots**

"Couple of hours ago, we were on patrol. We –", he choked, "We picked up a trail. Vampire. Around town, past this house, out to the Cullen place. We followed all the way to the Sound. Then he must have taken to the water."

"He?"


	14. Chapter 14

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other

In which the past begins to catch up…

**14. Dots**

Jacob and I were sprawled on the floor of my room, assembling my new desk. I was very glad of his help: the stupid thing hadn't looked nearly this complicated, judging by the picture on the box!

My bedroom makeover was nearly complete. After much discussion, Angela and I had chosen a soft gold for the wall color, it made the room look sunny even on the predominantly overcast days of Forks. Jacob had helped with the painting, of course.

Charlie had bought me a new bed, a double, which was an improvement. My boss, Etta, had begged me to go through her enormous stash of fabric lengths, telling me to take any that appealed. She then pulled out her sewing machine and turned my selection into a set of curtains and a mass of throw pillows that complimented the bed cover.

I had toyed with the idea of painting the old rocking chair to give it a face-lift, but ended up giving it away. Edward was the only person who had ever used it and that was hardly a reason to hang on to it. A pleasantly shabby rattan chair from the thrift shop complemented the room better anyway.

We stood the completed desk upright and shoved it into place. Jacob helped me get the computer components arranged and plugged in; then we stood back and admired out handiwork.

"Looks nice in here, Bells, good job." He smiled.

"We'll have to make some time to break in my new bed." I whispered to him, with a look of promise.

"How about now?" He lay down amidst the new pillows and patted the bedspread invitingly.

"Jacob!" I hissed, scandalized. "Charlie's just down stairs!" I had pretty much gotten past the need for actual concealment of my physical relationship with Jake, but I didn't want to be too forward, either. A father's feelings, after all.

"Sure, sure." He smirked. "Come over here and let me nail one in. Seriously, Bella, I just want to hold you." He raised a mocking eyebrow at me. "You must think I'm some kind of animal or something."

"No, but I am." I giggled as I happily settled myself beside him, relaxing in his embrace, aware as ever of his potent vitality.

"We're always so busy that we usually have to, ah, make the most of our opportunities, so we don't ever seem to get enough time for just the basics." He murmured, wistfully.

I knew why we never stuck to the basics; as soon as I touched him I could feel my desire for him start to simmer. I might start out with chaste intentions but…. He was right, though, there really wasn't much that was sweeter than just lying in Jacob's arms.

We talked about our plans for the fall. Our wonderful summer, the most memorable of my life, I thought, was nearly over. I had registered at the community college; between school and work for both of us, scheduling might prove to be a challenge. Jake, as usual, was confident that we'd make it work, but I was slightly worried. That just seemed to be our MO.

My cell phone rang at this point; it was Charlie, from downstairs.

"Dad? What's up? Why are you phoning me?"

"I wasn't sure if it was safe to come up there." He muttered dryly.

"Never fear, we're decent." I could hear my dad snort from downstairs, no telephone needed. Jake was chortling at my side.

"Really, Bells, I just wanted to ask when's dinner? Whatever you have in the oven smells wonderful and it's making me hungry."

"Be down in a few minutes." I hung up, turning to Jacob, "You're staying, right?"

"Naw, I better get back home to Dad, he's been feeling kind of off lately."

I nodded sympathetically, "If you can wait a bit, I'll pack some up for you guys. It's pork roast – that's on his list." Between concerns about Charlie's cholesterol and educating myself about the proper diet for diabetics, I sometimes wondered ironically if I ought to become a nutritionist. I was happy to do it, nonetheless.

As I stepped into the living room a short time later, care package in hand, I heard Charlie say seriously to Jake, "We've been getting the state bulletins about these incidents. Nothing to do with Forks, we don't have a Tenderloin here, of course, but it's - troubling."

"What's a Tenderloin?" I asked. The men were watching the Seattle newscast.

My dad looked uncomfortable, "Uh, it's the part of the red light district where the very young prostitutes hang out. Mostly runaways, desperate kids, really sad cases. There was a story here on some disappearances." He gestured to the TV.

"This sort of thing happens everywhere, I'm afraid," explained Charlie, "The difference here is, that ever since that Green River Killer business, Seattle and Tacoma have good programs in place, as good as can be, that is." He gave a grim, one-shouldered shrug.

"Good thing a few people care about them, so many creeps think of these kids as just disposable. They make perfect targets for sick-o's and they're already on the run so they won't report anything suspicious."

With this he turned back to the TV, sports scores were coming up next.

"Don't forget about dinner Saturday," I reminded Jake as I kissed him at the door. "Bring Billy. The Clearwaters are coming, too."

………

Late that night, I was just dozing off when my phone rang: Jake, of course.

"Bella." His voice was strained. "I need to see you right away, it's important. Is Charlie asleep?"

"Um, yeah. Did you want to come up and check under my bed for monsters?" I answered teasingly.

"I'll be at the front door in two minutes." He interrupted. "Wait till I call to you before you open the door." He hung up. Very puzzling.

I tiptoed down the stairs, noting the sounds of earth moving equipment emanating from Charlie's room, and stood at the front door listening.

"Bella," came Jacob's voice, softly. "It's me, open up." As I did, he slipped in through the smallest gap possible and caught me in a massive bear hug.

"What's up?" I gasped breathlessly. "What happened? I'm glad to see you, but wha-?" He silenced me with his fingers.

"Couple of hours ago, we were on patrol. We –", he choked, "We picked up a trail. Vampire. Around town, past this house, out to the Cullen place. We followed all the way to the Sound. Then he must have taken to the water."

"He?"

I pulled myself from Jake's arms and groped my way to the sofa, it didn't feel as though my legs could hold me up much longer.

"Tell me again, slower." I gasped. "Keep your voice down." Not that much ever disturbed my dad, but this whole thing would be too much to explain plausibly.

Jacob made a visible effort to calm himself. "Jared and I were running patrol, just a couple of hours ago, when we picked up a scent of – bloodsucker. It was weird, the trail went along just outside the treaty line, like whoever it was had a map or something."

"If we still kept to the original boundary, we mightn't have known, for a little while anyway. But, you know, Bells, ever since the, uh, last incidents, we've expanded the perimeter, to include this house and a couple of other likely places, so we ran right over it."

I frowned, "You expanded the perimeter? How come?"

Jake gave me look of exasperation. "What did you expect us to do? Just leave you here, totally unprotected, like a goat tethered out as tiger bait?"

"Oh. That hadn't occurred to me." I admitted. "I've felt so safe…."

"You _are_ safe." He asserted firmly. "Because we do keep an eye on things here."

"You said 'he'. You don't think it's Victoria?" My stomach did a flip at idea of who else it might be, but I had to know.

"The impersonal pronoun, Bella. But definitely not; it wasn't her scent at all." That was reassuring. Sort of. Being Jake, he already knew my next concern. "It wasn't any of the Cullens, either."

I looked my question at him.

"This is where the pack mind is so critical. Even the pack members like me, who weren't… _active_, when the Cullens were here, completely know all their scents." He gave a shrug. "Cool, huh?"

"I guess." I murmured. "What do I do now?"

"_You_ don't do anything, this our business. Some of the other wolves weren't sure about whether to tell you, but I figured that you'd rather know, even if it is scary."

I considered for a moment, and then nodded. He pulled me into a hug for a long moment, and then cupped my face in his hands. "You're not to worry, honey. It's probably nothing. Go on up to bed, we've got it." Now that he had recovered from his initial agitation, his eyes were shining with excitement and challenge. Wolves!

"You know, hiding behind a locked door won't really do me much good, if a vampire is after me." I chided him gently.

"Don't get any ideas!" He growled.

………

Over the next few days, there were no real developments in the situation. Another trail was discovered, of a different vampire, but with a different route: a pass around the Cullen house, then down south of town, towards Newton's Outfitters. The trail ended abruptly on the highway, leaving us to surmise that there had been a car waiting. I found this particularly disturbing for some reason.

An assessment of the few facts that there were had led us - that is, the pack, the elders and myself - to the conclusion that the trails had been left by visitors. We had no way of knowing the extent of the vampiric world, either the size of the population or the connections between its members. The conclusion was that these must have been merely curious passers-through.

The pack in general relaxed after a few days. Jacob remained twitchy, however. "I don't know, Bells, probably I'm just over-reacting. But you're like a magnet for this sort of thing!" He held me close, his cheek resting on the top of my head. "Feels like I've got more to lose than the rest of the pack."

………

I stared at the massive pot of viscous brown substance in front of me and sighed with dismay. I had made Etta's famous Chicken and Sausage Gumbo, following her hand-written recipe to the letter. It was a lot of work; my arm still ached from stirring the roux with the same dedication I had seen her use.

It had turned out well: it smelled and tasted great. It was also HUGE. My boss had vaguely said it made 'a lot', without defining the term. There must be close to three gallons. Happily my guests included a few who could be counted on to make a significant reduction in the amount. But just in case, I determinedly set about finding enough plastic containers to send gumbo home with everyone.

Jacob and Billy were coming, of course. I had invited Rachel and Paul, as well, but they had declined, citing tickets to the Blue Collar Comedy Tour in Tacoma. I was hoping to become better friends with Rachel. She seemed quite pleasant, but she was at least as wrapped up in Paul as I was in Jake. I wondered if our feelings were as transparent as the other couple's.

With Paul, I had made little or no headway. I was very friendly with the other pack members, but Paul remained aloof, if not actually hostile. Jake told me not to take it personally; Paul, it seemed, had very strong feelings about whites and Indians mixing. I had an idea that it had more to do with Jake's slip about 'some' members of the pack feeling that I was polluted, somehow, because of my past association with the vampires.

The Clearwaters would be better company, anyway, I comforted myself. It was a pleasure to return some of Sue's generous hospitality. I was so impressed at how, even when she had just lost her husband this past spring, that she continued to think of others. Seth, who reminded me of a younger Jake with his cheerful humor and easy manner, was always an upbeat companion.

Leah was another matter. Bitter and prickly, she was not an easy person to have around. I just couldn't help feeling, though, that she'd really be worth knowing if she ever lightened up. One thing for sure, I was the last one to blame a girl for having difficulty with a lost relationship!

The only drawback to this guest list was the constraints of concealment. Charlie would be the only one in the group who would neither be a werewolf nor in on the secret.

There were a few reasons for this gathering, beyond simple hospitality. In spite of her understandable reluctance, Leah was going ahead with her plans for Emily's bridal shower. It was, after all, the maid of honor's job. I had offered to help, not that I knew about these things, but sharing it out might make it easier for Leah.

We also had something of interest for Sue. In the course of my bedroom makeover, Charlie had helped me take some boxes up to the attic. On one trip, he came down with one. I had teased him about going the wrong way.

"This is some stuff of my mother's." He explained. "She was very interested in our family tree and ancestors, genealogy, you know. Sue Clearwater would like these papers and things, I think. She's the archivist for the tribe and she's compiling material for a history of this part of the peninsula."

"That sounds interesting." I said, vaguely.

"No it doesn't." Said my father, with a grin. "Sounds pretty damn dull, if you ask me. But she likes it so…." He set the box aside with a little satisfied pat. Lately, I had been starting to wonder about him and Sue… oh, well, it was early days yet. But still.

Everyone was very complimentary about the gumbo that evening; after the exertion of the main event, rice, salad and cornbread were easy side dishes. The Clearwaters had brought a massive berry crumble and I made real whipped cream.

As always, Jacob helped clear the dishes, less of a chore than previously. It seemed that Charlie had missed my woman's touch so much while I was in Florida that he had had a dishwasher installed as a welcome home present.

The guys gathered the living room to watch some sports event and Leah and I started to collect writing pads and the like to plan Emily's party. Sue kept casting such longing looks at the box of Charlie's family records that I suggested that she spread out on the kitchen table, while Leah and I went upstairs to my room. She didn't require any urging, fairly leaping on the piles of musty account books and tattered letters. What there could be in that collection of moldy papers to inspire such excitement was beyond me, but to each her own.

Leah looked around my refurbished space with approval and then asking, "May I?", she set about pushing and shoving the furniture to a slightly different arrangement. I was surprised at how such minor adjustments made the room look more inviting.

"You've got a good eye." I remarked admiringly, as she looked though the stack of my 'artwork', mostly posters and photos in inexpensive frames, and made suggestions on how to display them.

"Thank you," she said with a touch of pride, "I've always had kind of a knack for this sort of thing." She opened her folder of wedding details. "Look at all the designs I drew up - for _my_ wedding, I thought. Now it's all for Emily."

"I can hardly wait for this farce to over with," she spat out, abruptly. "I can't tell you how freaking sick I am of trying to put a good face on this, of having to help my _best friend_ marry the man who was supposed to be mine." She stared fixedly into space, her lovely face a hard, blank mask – she'd had a lot of practice at that, I reflected.

Not for the first time, I felt a wave of sympathy for this beautiful girl whose life had been turned upside-down by supernatural forces, much as mine had, but without the happy outcome.

I was probably the only one in her circle who could fully sympathize with her experience. The other wolves were mainly made uneasy by her inclusion in the pack. They were nonplussed by her inability to let go of her love for their leader and, I had always felt, probably resentful of female intrusion into what had always been the ultimate boys club.

"I'm so sorry things worked out so badly for you, Leah. How, well, _appalling_ is the only word I can think of." I ventured in a low voice. Half expecting a rebuff, I was surprised to see a tear roll slowly down her face.

"Thank you, Bella." She said very low. "That's about the first time anyone has acknowledged that maybe, just maybe, I have a right to feel bad. Everyone wants me to move on, get over myself, be happy for _them_, blah blah blah –as if I _want_ to be like this!" Her voice cracked miserably.

I could certainly understand about that. "Oh, I know. Be a good girl. Get with the program. Till you want to scream 'so sorry that my having feelings is inconvenient for you!' After all, Leah, what's the big deal about a broken heart?" I made my voice heavy with irony.

Leah nodded and gave a sniffle, adding acidly, "Or humiliation."

"Or disappointment."

"Or having my future wrecked."

I turned away, making a business of finding the Kleenex, to give her a minute. As if to myself, I said, "At least the guy who left me actually left. I didn't have to see him every day…."

"With his perfect mate. Or be in his head."

I cringed inwardly at the sort of images she must get as part of the pack mind.

"This imprinting stuff, sure is - weird.' I said lamely, to cover my discomfort.

"Weird, but it makes sense in a way, too. Not that it helps me any." She sounded more composed.

"It makes sense? First I've heard of it." I gave a snort.

"The theory, well, _a_ theory, is_ survival of the species, genetic override. You're drawn to the person who gives you the best chances to pass on the wolf gene._

_If I was any good for that, Sam would have been drawn to _me_._" Her tone was flat with tightly controlled pain.

"_There's something wrong with me. I don't have the ability to pass on the gene, apparently_…. I know intellectually that it's not something I have any control over, but I feel like a failure just the same. Like I'm not as female as I should be."

I didn't have a clue how to respond to that, it wasn't as though my words could make anything better. I wondered about the implications for Jacob and me, this revelation was… unsettling. I dismissed the thought; this was Leah's moment.

Leah evidently felt that she had offered enough confidences for the moment.

Straightening her shoulders, she gathered the wedding paraphernalia together, saying lightly that we should begin. As we discussed the guest list, favors and refreshments, I leafed through Leah's folder of sketches. I was highly impressed at the quality and detail; the illustrations of the bride's maids' dresses had even been touched up with watercolor. All in all, very professional, in my opinion.

Deciding to take a break, we clattered down the stairs to the kitchen for drinks. The kitchen table was still spread with an array of papers, but Sue wasn't there. I could hear her voice coming excitedly from the living room.

We stepped through to investigate, hearing Billy's rumbling chuckle as he turned his head to me and said, "Looks like Bella's not the first Swan to fancy a member of the tribe!"

"What?" I asked, looking around at the group. "Did you find something interesting?"

Sue, her black eyes sparkling with discovery, said archly, "Did Charlie ever tell you that he might have had a Quileute ancestor, Bella?"

I perched myself on the arm of Jacob's chair and gave her my full attention.

Sue was holding a dilapidated book. "This is the journal of Delos Anders Virgil Swan, who came to the peninsula from Iowa in 1874." She pronounced it De-loss.

"What a name!" Snorted Seth.

Jake agreed, saying laughingly, "Out-running the shame of a sissy name like that would be reason enough to come west."

"Strangely, he didn't change it when he got here, like so many people did." Sue remarked. "Anyway, he tried to be a trapper and hunter, but apparently he wasn't very good at it. He admits it in his journal here. There's page after page about being hungry, no luck with his traps, being _wet_." We all snickered.

"This was seventy years or so before Forks was founded, you know. Very few whites in this area. It seems the locals took pity on his ineptitude, kind of adopted him and eventually he ended up taking a Quileute wife! "

Billy was nodding his head, "That was fairly common in those days, before Old Man Mercer got around to shipping man-hungry white women in from back east."

Sue unrolled a length of paper, creased and stained, held together with time-darkened tape "This was drawn up at a much later time, so some of the early details are vague, but it's the Swan family tree. See, here's Delos and his 'Kwiloot' wife," She shook her head over the spelling, "And two children."

"What was her name?" I asked, fascinated by this discovery.

"I haven't come across it, yet." Sue shrugged. "But I haven't really gotten very far with this."

Billy remarked dryly, "It really isn't surprising if her name isn't recorded, it was pretty common with mixed marriages that they were conveniently forgotten as the white population grew."

I felt a pang of guilt at this observation, although, of course, I had nothing to do with it and Billy didn't mean anything by it. Hearing about such disrespect for a people that I loved and admired so much just made me feel… funny.

"It does looks like something must have happened to the Indian wife." Agreed Sue. "Either she died or they dissolved the marriage, because she's not mentioned again and Delos did take another wife, white this time. But it looks like maybe the kids stayed with him."

"So how come you never said anything, _brother_?" Billy asked my dad, chortling.

"Not sure I ever knew. I remember my mother and grandmother going on and on about family, but it always pretty much put me to sleep. Hell, I'm not even sure what makes people third cousins!" Admitted Charlie, sheepishly.

"Any way, you know Dad," I teased, "If it doesn't have fins or chase a ball around a field, he barely knows it exists!"

Sue was carefully gathering her papers together; "I'll study this more and check the tribal records to see if there's anything with our stuff. I just thought you'd find it interesting." She went back to the kitchen fairly humming with satisfaction.

Leah and I took our drinks out to the front porch, chatting about Sue's discovery. At a lull in the conversation I broached a question.

"You can tell me if it's none of my business," I began hesitantly, "But have you been able to make any plans, for yourself? I know that's been hard for me…."

Was it my imagination, or was Leah's face just a trifle more relaxed? Maybe a sympathetic ear had been all she needed. Or maybe it was just her time to take control of healing herself.

Leah sighed and nodded, "After we get through all this wedding BS, I'm moving to Portland. I'm going to study graphic design at the Art Institute and find a life somewhere away from La Push – and Sam and Emily."

This was more than I had expected. "Wow. You can do that? I sort of thought you had to stay around here."

"Well, I'm sure the hell going to find out!" She declared fiercely. "I absolutely refuse to believe that all life has for me is the ability to morph into a giant dog! Some consolation prize, huh? But, uh, only Mom knows yet. So don't…."

I quickly assured her that her secret was safe with me.

Chuckling bleakly, she went on, "I'm very carefully keeping my mind on pack business when I'm phased. Not that any of them especially want to be in my head, you know. The really hard part will be when I tell Sam; he'll try to talk me out of it." Her struggle to keep her voice steady caught at my heart. I leaned toward her and lightly bumped shoulders, she wasn't the sort of person you hugged.

"I'm scared, Bella." She whispered. "I've never lived away from home. Everyone will be a stranger." Leah straightened her shoulders in a manner that I was starting to recognize. "But I've got to try. Dad would want me to." She said more firmly.

We sat on the porch, imagining futures aloud for ourselves, some realistic, some fanciful. I offered her whatever help she might want for the transition. I really wanted to give whatever encouragement I could without sounding patronizing.

The evening breeze was picking up, when Leah startled, and alarmed, me by tensing up, her head snapping to the side as she scanned the darkness. A faint feral growl sounded deep in her throat.

It felt as though Jacob and Seth exploded out the door onto the small porch, but I realized that they hadn't made a sound; even the screen door didn't make its usual squeak. Eyes wide, nostrils flaring, visibly trembling, the three young protectors leapt silently from the porch to the ground, heading around the side of the house, out of view from the living room.

From the living room, I could hear Charlie asking what was up. Billy's voice sounded reassuringly, joined comfortably by Sue's. Presumably they got my father re-focused on the TV, but I was no longer paying attention to events inside the house.

I scurried after my friends, mentally comparing my movements with their easy grace and strength. "What's going on?" I hissed. "Somebody answer me! Jacob?"

His voice was rough as he snarled, "There's one of _them_ out there, we have to go." I clutched at his arm and he turned his head to look deeply into my eyes for what seemed a long moment.

"Seth!" Jake barked out, his eyes not leaving mine. "Stay here with Bella. Don't leave her side."

"Aw, Jake!" Seth protested. "Let me -."

"Don't make me command you, Seth." Jacob's face was stony. "Protect Bella. For me."

He brushed his lips against my forehead as Seth subsided reluctantly. Then he and Leah kicked off their shoes and sped for the woods, shedding clothes as they went. In some irrelevant corner of my mind, I pondered the fact that I was not bothered by the two of them undressing together, something that would have driven me insane had it been any other girl. This was all business.

My guardian grumbled to himself as we set about collecting the discarded garments. "Always treat me like a kid. Too young to fight, huh!" The sullen monologue continued as we piled the clothing at the tree line.

"_I'm _glad you're here, Seth. I'd go crazy if I had to stay here alone." I broke into his recriminations. "Thank you." I added fervently.

"You're welcome." He muttered grudgingly. Brightening, he observed, "I guess it really is kind of a big deal, hanging with you, you're probably the target."

Thanks for reminding me, I thought grimly. Aloud, I said encouragingly, "Yeah, like a bodyguard." I pulled him to the backyard picnic table, explaining that it would be best if it appeared all four of us had gone off together, than if Charlie looked out and saw only Seth and me on the porch.

We commenced waiting.

My ears and eyes straining, I could only hear the sighing of the wind in the trees and the usual nighttime sounds of our little street in our little town. Seth, with his hugely enhanced senses, twitched and shifted restlessly. At one point, he jumped to his feet, his body poised to spring.

"What? What?" I implored in a stage whisper.

"I heard howling." He rasped, "In the direction of the rez." He looked around wildly; I could feel his agitation rolling off him in waves. "Bella, I-."

"Seth," I cut him off, making a quick decision. "Here's what we'll do. Go into the trees, just inside. Phase and see what's going on. Then come back, _right away_, and tell me."

He was in action almost before the words were out of my mouth. I followed him closely, almost to the forest; he looked down at me questioningly.

"I won't look, silly, I just don't want to be… far. And I'm warning you, if you're not back in four minutes, I'll drive to La Push and make whatever fuss necessary to get Sam's attention. Got it?" I looked directly into his eyes and tried to make my voice as menacing as possible.

"Got it." Was the brief answer, as he turned and jogged off.

It seemed to be an eternity; I thought that my watch must be broken. I paced back and forth, gripping the back of my neck with both hands. Just as I was about to run for the truck, Seth finally reappeared, buttoning his shorts. I felt weak with relief, what would I have told Sue, and Leah, if he had run off to join the pursuit?

With his head close to mine, he whispered his findings: "Everything's under control, but it's more than we knew. There were three of them. The one here, then two over near the reservation; those two were about as far apart as they could get, like they were trying to split us up."

I looked at him in horror as he went on, "Jake and Leah are fine. They killed the one here; they're taking the, um, remains to the rez for burning. Jared and Embry were on duty, they took care of one. Sam and Quil are on the third, should be over any minute."

Seth walked up and down, smacking his palm with his fist, muttering again about being kept out of the action. "Paul missed it, too." I reminded him absently, as I listened for Jacob's return. That seemed to cheer him up.

"Yeah, he'll be just sick he wasn't here for the fun." Seth gloated. I shuddered.

Once again relegated to waiting, I lost track of real time as we waited for our wolves to return. At last they emerged from the trees, adjusting their clothes.

"Oh, Jake!" I gasped as flung myself into Jacob's arms. I only realized how terribly frightened I had been for him when I saw him safe and in one piece. I felt like a small child trying to climb a tree as I scrambled to kiss him. His face was different, harder and more crisply defined than usual, almost brighter. Deep triumph underlay his expression, but he seemed … aged, somehow.

I saw that Leah was embracing Seth almost desperately and he was responding gingerly, as one would expect from a teenage younger brother. I could see Leah's face over his shoulder; her features had the same brilliance as Jake's, but her eyes…. Her eyes were wide and deeply shocked. It occurred to me that she was now a killer: even if it was in a just cause as a protector, against a mortal enemy, her vision of herself had changed forever.

"He was so young…." She murmured. "Younger than you, Seth."

Jacob cleared his throat, "Seth!" He growled sternly. "I felt you phase -."

"Don't blame him." I interrupted what I feared would be recriminations. "I-I made him phase, I couldn't stand just waiting here, not knowing what was going on."

"Okay," said Jake reluctantly. Looking seriously at me, he went on, "Bells, honey, I know this goes against the grain, but you are going to _have_ to follow orders just like the pack, until we get the situation resolved."

"I hate to say this, but you were definitely the… goal. Those other two bloodsuckers at the reservation were a distraction to keep the pack occupied while the third came here. They had no way of knowing that you'd, uh, have company. If we hadn't been here…."

His arms tightened around me as the three young wolves look at each other,

then at me, then away.

………

Let me know what you thought!

**Chapter 15. Nightmares**

Here we were again. I was more or less under house arrest until all the vampires were caught and killed, or 'persuaded' to stay away.


	15. Chapter 15

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain.

**Moonshadow** came in Third Place for Best Work In Progress at The Wolfpack Awards!!! I didn't even know I had been nominated… HOW COOL!

**Moonshadow**

In which Bella must make a tough decision and ask a favor…

**Chapter 15. Nightmares**

Here we were again. I was more or less under house arrest until all the vampires were caught and killed, or 'persuaded' to stay away.

I grew tense and nervous. I lost my appetite. Nights had become a torment and I wasn't sleeping well. I began to have a fear of being trapped indoors: I felt better when I could see in all directions.

Charlie regarded me worriedly. "Everything okay with you and Jake these days?"

The mere mention of his name was like balm, I relaxed and smiled, "Jake's wonderful." I assured him. "I just have some things on my mind."

"Okay, honey. If there's anything you need to talk to me about…." My dad said uncertainly, his gaze inadvertently straying to my waistline.

"Dad!" I gasped, "Really, I'm fine! It's not what you think – I'll get this worked out. Stop fretting."

At Jitters, Etta was also concerned by my abstraction, offering anxiously to listen but not fix. "Woman of the world here, Bella. There's not much that shocks me, you know." Her brown eyes were wide with concern.

I declined with thanks and tried harder to appear normal. I could pretty much guarantee that she would be shocked at my tale of vengeful vampires and werewolf protectors, for at least as long as it took to call Charlie and then the state hospital.

In her desire to be helpful, Etta kept sending me home from the café with leftovers for dinner, which was very sweet. Charlie heartily approved, but I would have preferred the distraction of cooking for him.

………

_She might get out a nightstick_

_And hurt me real, real bad._

_By the roadside, in a ditch._

I reached over and abruptly switched off the radio in the Rabbit. "Do you mind?" I snapped at Jacob who had been enthusiastically playing air drums, while driving.

"Really not the kind of thing I want to listen to at the moment." His response was a meek nod and a renewed focus on driving.

Instantly contrite, I leaned my head on his shoulder in a mute apology. It didn't help anything to take out my edginess on Jake; he felt bad enough that he couldn't immediately solve the problem for me.

He parked and we stepped into Billy's tiny red house for a pack meeting. Jacob held my hand protectively but I still felt like a martyr about to be burned at the stake. I always seemed to cause trouble for my friends.

As I looked around the room at the pack members and the elders, Billy, Old Quil and Sue, I was heartened to see the friendly sympathy and determination on all the faces. My fear had been that they would resent my attracting vampires to the area and interrupting their lives once again. To the contrary, the wolves seemed alert and eager to be about the duties laid upon them, the elders ready with advice and encouragement.

I realized that it was now an entirely different story than the skirmishes last spring between the protectors and Victoria. The difference was me: then I had been a trespasser, someone who had no business knowing the tribal secrets. Now I was part of the pack, not only as Jacob's girlfriend, but also because I had been accepted for myself and as someone deserving of the pack's protection from our common enemy.

Tears pricked my eyes as I looked at the assembly. Embry and Quil, my oldest friends in the pack; Seth smiling encouragement; Paul and Jared, exhilarated and edgy; Leah, on the fringe of the pack as always, but fierce and determined; all were ready to jump to the defense of the tribe, and me. Sam, stern and grave, signaled with his chin to Jacob, indicating the chair beside him. Jacob was clearly torn between supporting me and pack protocol; Billy patted a chair beside his place and offered it to me with a smile. I sank into it, grateful for even such a small gesture.

The subject of my daily trips to Port Angeles was brought up; someone suggested that I quit my job at the café to make it easier to guard me. I flatly refused.

"I'm not going to let this - this bastard mess with my life like that. I will not go into hiding. I really am sorry if it makes it harder for you, but I can't just give in that way."

My outburst was met with silence. "Oh, I, uh…" I faltered at what I took to be disapproval.

"That's the spirit!" Embry said, stoutly. "I told you she was tougher than that."

A chorus of approval sounded from the rest of pack. I was gratified, and touched, at the feeling of inclusion

"We can arrange an escort for the drive, both ways," Sam mused aloud. "You're probably not in too much danger in public, during daylight. Bloodsuckers have the need for secrecy, even if they don't care about collateral damage."

Jacob added, "We already have a good system in place for La Push and Forks and we're extending the boundaries in some areas, tightening in others."

Sue Clearwater gave me a helping smile and said, "Bella, as the only person here who has actually had any dealings with the leech-, er, vampires, is there anything you think we should know? Anything might help."

I took a deep breath, "Well, of course I only really ever got to know the Cullens," the pack members stirred restlessly at the name, "From what I was told by them, they were completely outside the norm for their kind, so we can't go by how they were to judge more, uh, typical vampires."

"They didn't really like to talk about it, but when I was on the run to Phoenix last year, I picked up a few things. The main thing is that their, the regular vampires', minds are organized a lot differently than the vegetarians' are." To answer the frowns and stares from the group I had to explain the meaning behind that term, to the obvious disgust of everyone in the room.

"Anyway, I was told that the drinking of human blood some how changes them, they don't form bonds easily or often. That's why Victoria, if that's who this is, was so set on revenge: her mate was killed. She'll never find another and she'll never forget - and never means something different to them, you know. It's not just a saying." Thoughtful nods from all of my listeners. "Most of them are solitary or have only one companion."

"I-I don't mean to tell you how to go about your business, but I want to say that you can depend on the vampires to react the opposite way we would. They won't try to protect themselves, because they can't die." Here the pack broke into a mirthless laugh, hair-raising in it's intent.

I found myself impressed, and touched, by the serious attention they paid to what I was able to offer them. I reminded myself, again, that although I viewed the pack as my friends and as fellow teenagers, they saw themselves as warriors – with a mission.

I continued, "And even if they have a companion, they won't try to protect that – person either, because they don't care. They can fight all out with no distractions. That's what makes them most dangerous."

Sam nodded seriously, "Thanks, Bella, those are really good points. I want everyone to take that to heart. And remember: no solos, every one with a partner at all times. No matter how easy it seems, don't split up, even for a minute. Watch your flank, watch your buddy's flank. If you cross a trail, stop and call for back up. When this is over, I want all of you coming home!"

The group split as each patrol met to review strategy. I casually drifted over to where Sam and Paul were standing. Stationing myself where I could see Jacob out of the corner of my eye, I murmured in a low voice to the two wolves before me, "I need to – to ask you something. A favor, sort of." Sam waited, impassive; Paul cocked a skeptical eyebrow, I rarely spoke with him.

"If things go - badly, if who ever this turns out to be is really after me, I need to know…." I swallowed and then continued, "If the intent of this vampire is to change me, please, would you guys make sure that doesn't happen? Take – take care of me. I can't bear the thought of…." I couldn't go on.

The two pack members exchanged a glance, then looked at Jake as he talked with Embry and Seth. I forced myself to speak, "I know that Jake can do anything that's necessary for the pack, but you can see why I can't ask this of him: it would be a distraction. He'd lose focus and…. I know I can trust you both to make sure that, well, that the worst doesn't happen. I just need to be certain."

"I'm glad you thought to bring this up, Bella. We'll do as you ask, but…" Sam's face was grave.

Knowing where he was going, I hastily assured him, "I've already left Jacob a letter, so that he'll understand if you have to…take action. About the pack mind, though, really, he mustn't suspect."

Sam nodded gravely, "I have the discipline to control my thoughts. Paul, will you mind if I give you an Alpha command on this matter?" I was impressed that Sam asked permission for something that could have been an invasion.

"No sweat, boss," Paul assured him, giving me a brotherly shove and adding, "We've got your back, Bella, but it won't come to that." The look he gave me was… thoughtful rather than his habitual insolence. I wasn't sure what to make of it.

All I could say was a strangled, "Thanks," but I was greatly relieved. It seemed impossible that I had ever thought that becoming a vampire was desirable.

………

I clung to Jacob's back, my fingers clenched in his long russet fur, as we sped through the ranks of trees. Sue Clearwater had looked searchingly at my strained, anxious face and, declaring herself Medical Officer for the pack, had ordered Jacob to take me out someplace for fresh air and exercise.

We had gone 'wolf riding' many times now and the exhilaration never palled. The speed; his agility in the dense Olympic rain forest; the rise and fall of his gait beneath me; the trees and clearings flashing by; the only sound his panting breath and the soft almost non-existent thud of his paws. Beyond the trails or roads, into the trackless wood we went, guided by my steed's unerring sense of place. Up steep mountainsides, over rocky outcroppings where no other being could have found purchase to run, we penetrated the wilderness in a way that even the natural inhabitants could not equal.

At first I had been frightened by the complete lack of control I had on these rides. No steering, no brakes, entirely unlike the motorcycle, and the wolf was so big, his back so far from the ground. I quickly realized that they weren't necessary: I had only to hold on. He never let me fall, his own physical awareness keeping me secure. I buried my face in his withers and inhaled deeply, the woodsy scent of Jacob mingled with the dry, warm smell of fur.

The motion and nearness of him combined to be deeply arousing, my mind turning to thoughts of Jake in human form, his broad shoulders and strong thighs…. The first time we had done this, he had discreetly gone into the trees to undress and transform, no longer. My mind floated over the memory of Jacob letting his shorts fall to the ground, the flex and stretch of his muscles as he deftly rolled the shorts and tied them around his ankle with the thong he always wore there.

A warmth started at my center and spread through my torso, gripping at my throat as desire sent my heart racing. Suddenly my need for him became almost frantic, a twisting and craving at my core that only Jacob could ease. I wanted nothing in the world so much as to lose myself in his arms, to put aside all my fears for a few moments and to feel his vitality pounding between my legs.

Beneath me, the wolf began to slow his pace, as he came to a standstill he dropped to his belly and gently rolled onto his back, angling so that I slid between his paws. In a moment he had phased and I found myself in the embrace of a very large, very warm, very aroused man. As I looked in his eyes I could see my own passion reflected there. Jacob's mouth crushed against mine as his hands roamed my body with bruising urgency.

I dug my fingernails into his back as he nipped and sucked at my neck and shoulders. With one hand I fisted his hair, pressing his face into my flesh – I _wanted_ him to mark me. I fumbled open the buttons of my shirt so that I could press myself against his nakedness. His hands began to unfasten my jeans; I kicked off my shoes and shimmied out my pants.

His strong arms slipped around my waist under my open shirt and jacket, pulling me closer so that our bodies were crushed together full length. He rolled his hard heat against my thigh, saying, "Tell me what you want, Bella." His voice was hoarse with desire.

"I-I want you, Jacob." I whispered brokenly.

"No, tell me _what you_ _want_! Say it out loud!" He growled, harshly. The knowledge of his strength and power, the slipping of his usual tight restraint, fueled the flame inside me that that was now raging like a firestorm, out of my control.

"Fuck me," I snarled. "Now! Fuck me hard!" I urged. No tenderness here, I just wanted him to take me.

Jacob knew exactly what I needed; pulling me to my feet, he lifted me and pressed my back against a fir tree. My desire for him was so strong that it almost choked me. I rested my head back against the tree, drinking in the sight of his face. Flesh taut, jaws clenched and eyes dilated to black, he was almost a stranger. I knew by instinct that I was equally altered. A primitive form of want had taken over us both and was driving us together.

He entered me quickly, roughly, in one motion, just as I wanted, the force arousing me further. The slapping sounds as our bodies plunged together in our mutual hunger only added to my frenzy. With Jake's hands firmly grasping the globes of my ass and my legs wrapped around his waist, I slipped a hand between us, pressing the ball of my hand into the raging ache at my center. I slid my first two fingers around the blazing heat of his shaft, my excitement rising even further as I touched where our bodies joined, feeling the in and out motion of our strivings.

My breath was pushed from me in little squeaking huffs as he drove into me, my cries growing louder as I clasped him more tightly with my legs, wanting to feel him deeper, and deeper still. The savage lust in his eyes and his slamming thrusts sent me over the edge. I screamed out his name as I was seized with searing spasms of a fierce, primal joy. I could hear his voice joining mine as his passion spilled into me.

I rested my head against his chest, as I gasped and tried to catch my breath, his heart was pounding deafeningly. His arms tightened around me and he sank to the ground, cradling me in his arms. We lay huddled together as our bodies calmed from the onslaught of passion. We came back to ourselves with little touches and murmured half-formed endearments.

As my breathing slowed, I looked into his face, weaving my fingers through his hair and marveling at the difference of a few moments before when the animal half of his nature had been at the fore, now he was back to being my Jacob that I loved with all my being. I loved both sides of him equally, I found.

"How did you know?" I panted. "That was amazing!"

He tapped his nose, "Uh, well you know how they say that a dog's sense of smell is something like ten thousand times better than a human's? Well, wolves are even more sensitive…although I don't think anyone's done any research on werewolves, but you get the idea."

"You can smell when I'm…?"

"Turned on? Well, yeah, among other things. It's pretty handy, I think you just found out." He kissed me deeply and smiled into my eyes. I sighed and burrowed into his chest; it seemed as if I only felt truly safe and at peace with Jake holding me these days.

"Bella? You've been having nightmares again." Jacob said softly.

"How do you know?" I whispered, as my heart turned to lead in my chest at the thought of my recent dreams.

"Do you think I can just say good-bye and leave it at that? I always get up a couple of times in the night and do a quick run around at your place, no matter who's on duty. I can't help it, Bells. But your dreams, they're different from before…you used to scream, now you cry, cry like your heart is breaking. What's wrong, honey? I know you're afraid, but it seems like more. Won't you tell me?" He coaxed.

I couldn't keep back the tears that were always so near the surface these days. "I am afraid," I wept, "I just _know_ that Victoria is behind this, that she's back, but not after me – after you this time, because you're my mate. I don't want to live if anything happens to you, Jake. The dreams…."

I gulped, the memories of my nighttime horrors almost throttling me. In my dreams I stood alone in a dense, choking mist that obscured all vision. Being blinded by the fog around me, I knew I was at the brink of a precipice solely by instinct. I kept my balance only by the greatest will and effort in a buffeting gale-force wind that threatened to topple me over the edge.

I knew without question that the fall would be endless - there was no bottom. Nothing would ever put a stop to the ceaseless plummet through searing, boundless grief, because in the dream Jacob was dead. Agony beyond anything I had known before burned me for eternity, past all hope or healing because the healer no longer existed.

My dream was not of the fear of pain, it _was_ the pain, _I_ was the pain. There was no one to save me this time, no air or sunlight anymore because the source was gone. Never to see my love again or touch him, never to live the life we should have had together. I ground my teeth at the bitterness, the injustice of having found my soul mate, only to have it all torn away.

Jacob held me as I wept out my tortured nights to him; I was so glad that he didn't try to comfort me with meaningless statements of assurance, promises that no one could guarantee. He simply embraced me as I cried and sobbed and raged. "I haven't had enough time with you!" I wailed, "It's not supposed to end now, there's so much left for us to do!"

Eventually the hot tears slowed and then stopped as I lay, heaving and shuddering on Jake's chest, utterly spent. His hands and lips stirred on me as he slowly and tenderly made love to me - so different from the wild coupling before - meant to comfort and soothe. When my release found me it was as soft and gentle as a sigh.

Exhaustion consumed me; the sleepless nights, the earlier surge of passion, my crying jag, all combined to weigh me down and I slid toward unconsciousness. Dimly, I heard Jake's voice, whispering, "Try to get a little rest, honey." I was vaguely aware as he phased, enveloping me in furry warmth, ease and security.

Song lyrics from **Got Me Under Pressure** – ZZ Top

………

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**Chapter 16. Black Hole**

A vice-like grip clamped on my wrist as a musical voice murmured, "At last we meet, _dear Bella_."

I felt myself hoisted roughly into the air, my head hitting branches of the massive trees and then I didn't see or feel anything for quite some time.


	16. Chapter 16

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain.

**A/N:** I apologize abjectly for my laxness in review replies: business _finally_ picked up and I had to jump at the chance to actually earn a living!

**Moonshadow**

In which Bella finds that nightmares really can come true…

**16. Black Hole**

"To the hole, bro, take it to the hole!"

"Pass to Embry then, he's all about holes these days!"

"Is that hole or ho'?"

"You know why Jared likes to get his wolf on so much? So he can lick his own balls!"

"This is a teabag-free zone, man!"

"Better than sniffing Jake's ass like you do, loser!"

I sat on a bench outside the council hall dispiritedly watching the pack, the off-duty members, play basketball. Other than being impressed with the inventiveness of the pack's trash talk this was just an extension of Charlie's sports addiction.

I remembered how at one time I had thought that all the wolves resembled each other, now I could have told each one from a quarter mile away.

Jacob was on patrol at the moment, or the game might have had greater interest for me. His part in routine patrols, now on a much more intense schedule while the emergency lasted, had been a point of conflict between us. I had pleaded with him to leave standard pack duties to the other wolves, to be my exclusive bodyguard. He had regretfully refused.

"Please don't ask this of me, honey." He had begged, his dark eyes troubled. "I can't give you what you want here." He shook his head apologetically.

I sulked, knowing I was being unreasonable, but unable to tell him fully of my fears: I not only felt safer when he was with me, I was also afraid to let him out of my sight. He didn't exactly scoff at my concerns, but plainly felt that I underestimated him and the pack. My argument that I had actually seen vampires in action and knew their capabilities was met with maddening patience.

"Bella, it's not as dangerous for us as you seem to think it is: this is what we were made for – it's the reason we're still here."

"I thought you were going to protect me." I whined petulantly – oh, Lord, I was whining!

"Working with the pack is part of that. I can't just abandon them - I'm the Beta. Sam needs me and the others need me. Please try to understand, honey_, it's_ _part of who I am, who my family is, who we all are as a tribe._ I couldn't feel right about myself if I just stepped back and let the others handle it all." His face was furrowed with unhappiness but his voice and manner were quite adamant.

I thought of other arguments, of playing the girl card by crying, then gave it up feeling ashamed of myself. My own fears aside, I had to concede Jacob's point, reflecting that if he didn't have such standards of loyalty and duty, he wouldn't be the Jake I loved.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, remorsefully. "I just feel so helpless. There's nothing I can _do_, except sit around feeling like a jelly doughnut at a Weight Watchers meeting." He accepted my attempt at humor as the peace offering it was, glad to let the matter rest.

The shouts of the basketball players mercifully interrupted this dismal reverie. I glanced at my watch, hardly any time had passed, Jake wouldn't be back for hours. Sighing, I cast around for a diversion.

All around the village the aggressive forest came close, right up to the buildings; something caught my eye a little way inside the tree line. It looked like a scrap of cloth, caught on a branch and flapping in the breeze. Idly looking for any distraction, I rose and drifted over, thinking of how much I hated littering. Or perhaps someone had lost something. There was something familiar….

Just a few more steps into the woods; I stood on tiptoe to look - then frowned and blinked, trying to make sense of what I was seeing. Understanding was slow to connect with the evidence of my eyes. I felt a thrill of shock as I realized that what I had taken for a chance-dropped rag was the flowered blouse I had worn the night Jake had first taken me to our nest.

It was beyond imagining how it got here, unless…. Unless someone had taken it from my room at home.

I swallowed hard. I wanted to look around, to call out, to run away, but I was paralyzed with bone-deep dread.

A vice-like grip clamped on my wrist as a musical voice murmured, "At last we meet, _dear Bella_."

I felt myself hoisted roughly into the air, my head hitting branches of the massive trees and then I didn't see or feel anything for quite some time.

………

I awoke to cold and pain and cramped muscles, my head was pounding, all my senses disoriented. I cautiously explored my situation. I was lying agonizingly on my side. I seemed to be in one piece, more or less, but I was missing a shoe. My hands were secured in front of me with strips of soft cloth, my ankles hobbled but not tightly bound. If I could get up I might be able to walk, I thought.

I was wrong. Another strip of cloth, torn from the flowered blouse that had caught my attention earlier, connected my wrists to the cord binding my ankles. I was unable to stretch out fully and every attempt made it evident, through blinding jolts of pain, that something was very wrong with my left wrist.

The ingenuity behind these restraints was terrible to consider: as though someone wanted to give me a moment of hope… and then take it away.

It was a struggle to right myself fettered in this way but eventually I managed it. I felt as if I were being stabbed in the side as I moved, and the pains in my head and my wrist made me horribly nauseous. Thanking whatever power there was that I wasn't gagged as well, I wretched and heaved till the sickness passed.

The light was very dim and it took several minutes for me to clear my head enough to take stock of my surroundings. It was plain that I was in a house, a house that had an unused feel with an odor of damp and mustiness, the room stripped of furnishings. The shutter from one window had been wrenched open, providing some murky light as the day drew to an end. Judging by the view of the trees, I must be on an upper floor.

As I looked around, I began to get a vague sense of familiarity. The room was empty, but I somehow knew the shape, the placement of the windows and doors. Craning my head carefully I looked to my left to confirm a hunch: the mirror-lined bathroom should be - right _there_.

It was Alice's room.

I was in the Cullen house.

My breath seemed to freeze in my lungs as I considered the implications of this. What ever had passed between the Cullen family and me, it certainly wouldn't entail my being held prisoner, bound and injured, in this fashion. Which really left only one player on the board.

I tried to swallow with a throat gone dry as dust. Plainly, I had been stalked, even on the reservation, which we had all assumed to be an island of safety. I had been taken from practically the midst of the pack. Now I was being… stored, in _this_ of all places, unable to leave or call for help. A careful strategy was being enacted, chilling in its thoroughness.

Laurent's words from our encounter in the meadow came back to me: _"…if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella…."_

I found that I couldn't exist on a knife-edge of terror. After some time exhaustion, physical and mental, provided a merciful form of numbness. My mind couldn't wrap itself around the danger continually. It was a relief not to be at such an emotional pitch, but the dread of what was sure to come kept nagging at the back of my mind: worse, far worse, was still ahead.

This time I was all alone, no Alice with her determined small talk and distractions, no Jasper sending waves of calm and confidence to bear me up. It must be a product of fear and weariness that I could think of them so dispassionately, as if they were characters in a surreal movie that I really didn't find very engaging. I gave a cracked laugh-sob: wouldn't it be ironic if I had finally let go of my former obsession only to have my life end?

I vacillated between hope that the wolf pack would find me, and fear of the same thing. I wasn't much on praying, but as I wove in and out of semi-consciousness I found myself pleading with a God that I had never paid much attention to, would He please, _please_ keep my Jacob safe. Nothing had ever been so important to me but to think of my love as continuing, alive.

I was in a stupor, slumped against the wall, when I heard a faint whisper, "Bella." I must be at the point of delusion, I thought, when it came again, closer, "Bella, Bella." I sensed a presence, warm and human; opening my eyes, I saw the ravaged, frightened face of Emily.

"Oh, thank God!" She breathed, "You're alive!" She quickly ran a hand over my face and scalp, causing me to wince as it passed over what felt like a baseball-sized lump. My gorge rose again at the swift nausea-producing pain, but my stomach was empty so that I merely wretched painfully.

"W-what are y-you doing here?" I gasped thickly, my mouth clotted with sickness and thirst. She understood my condition and, taking a bottle of water from the pocket of the jacket she wore, gently held my head as she trickled a few drops onto my parched tongue.

"Don't try to talk, I've only got a minute." She spoke almost inaudibly. In this fugue state, I vaguely observed that she was dressed in my clothes. "The pack is close by. They have to wait till - till _the others_ come before they can strike. But everything is under control." She was shivering so much from fear that I didn't take much comfort from her words.

Tears rolled down her face as she said, brokenly, "I-I'm so sorry that I can't let you go free, Bella. If you're gone, they'll know they've been found out. Sam

says -," she swallowed hard, "Sam says this has to end, now. It has to be dealt with."

"Jacob?" I whispered hoarsely.

She plied the water bottle again, quavering out, "It was awful, Bella! I thought he would fight Sam! I've never seen the wolves so angry and upset. That's why I'm here, Sam didn't want me to come, but I told him that we couldn't just leave you in this place with no idea that help was on the way. I-I think it helped."

Emily rose even higher in my estimation than ever: her determination to come to this place of danger must have been forceful indeed to overcome Sam's objections. I was more grateful than I would ever be able to express to see her.

"I have to leave now, I'm sorry. The pack has a diversion planned. Be ready." She kissed my check, leaving it wet with her tears, and fled.

………

Whispers.

Darkness and whispers.

I came to myself with a start. At first I had no recollection of where I was or how I came to be there. I strained against the gloom, caught in a moment of daze-induced amnesia.

Something cold and hard touched my cheek. I froze with fear. I looked from the corner of my eye and was met with the reality of my worst nightmares. I shrank back against the wall, wishing it could swallow me.

Victoria's face filled my vision as she drew her nose along my jaw, a lover's gesture, inhaling deeply and humming with satisfaction at my scent. She squatted beside me, sinuously swaying from side to side in a manner that emphasized her innate strength and agility.

I couldn't help but be struck by the difference between Victoria and my memories of the Cullen family. Their beauty had been serene and unearthly. Victoria was certainly beautiful but unkempt, her ruddy curls tangled and stuck with leaves. Her clothes were ill fitting and filthy. The sweet aroma that I always associated with the vampires was, in Victoria's case, overlaid with a faint, sickly smell of decay. Her breath, as she leaned into my face, was fetid and dank.

"So here we are at last, my dear, sweet, tender _prey_. I do hope you don't mind if I continue to call you _prey_. You know what they say about livestock that you give a name to - you really can't enjoy the meal! Not, of course, that it matters in the slightest what you think!"

Her voice was not the strong, wild catlike growl I would have put with her face and stance. It was soft, it was high - a babyish, soprano tinkling… it made no sense coming through her bared glistening teeth.

"It's been quite a wait, I hope it will be worth the effort. I have to admit that some of the pleasure is taken away since this coven of freaks has decamped. Witnesses would have made it all so much more… fun!" She pursed her lips in a mocking pout.

"But still, I made up my mind to have you, so have you I will!" She accompanied this statement with a hideous parody of a sweet smile, shaking her strawberry blonde curls coquettishly.

She sniffed daintily at the pulse point beneath my ear and murmured coyly, "That's just the kind of monster I am." Revulsion battled with apprehension inside me at her touch. I shrank from her chill breath as she whispered sweetly of her plans for me.

Her words were particularly horrifying spoken in the treble of her girlish voice. It was a voice that was more suited to prattling nursery rhymes than describing, in graphic terms, how she meant to torture me to death. I could feel her hunger screaming at me – not thirst for my blood, but for my pain and subjugation.

Edward had spoken of being the perfect predator. This creature truly was just that. Where the Cullens had hunted for sustenance to maintain life, Victoria lived to hunt. She was ruled by a different hunger – feeding the body was secondary to her need to absorb the panic and terror of her victim.

Me.

Victoria began to prance and whirl about the room as she spoke, a room that had once held cozy memories of friendly confidences and forced beauty treatments at the hands of my dear Alice.

"Truly, I am _so_ disappointed that the yummy bronze-haired deviant isn't here to enjoy your demise. It would have made it all so much more…meaningful. He really vexed me, you know, tagging along so clumsily behind me -."

"Edward-," I choked, amazement, fear, and the dryness in my throat, combining to nearly throttle me. "Edward came after you?"

"HA! He tried!" She sneered. "I left him behind ages ago!"

A considering look came over her face, "He must have lost interest, I suppose. But then, he had lost interest in _you_ some time before, hadn't he, dear prey? A pity. Our kind _is_ rather easily distracted." Her derisive tinkling laugh rang from the bare walls.

"I can't think what he expected, as if he could really catch me! I learned to track, to escape, to dodge and feint from the very best! James! My James…." Her voice fell to a scratchy moan as her face contorted into a mask of deranged grief – and fury.

The house shook and creaked as if in response to her pain. The wind was picking up: a storm must be coming in from off shore. I could hear it rushing through the trees.

Looking around her and wrinkling her nose, my captor exclaimed in disgust, "What the hell did those unnatural freaks _do_ in this place? What is that _smell_?"

From the corner came a voice, one that I recognized as the voice of my abductor, "What happened to Zoë? You said she'd be here, waiting for us." With all my attention focused on Victoria I had not noticed him before. The speaker was a boy of breath-taking beauty. Tall, blond, he could have stepped from the pages of a fashion magazine, except for his terrifying blood-red eyes.

"Victoria, you promised that she would be here!" The boy's voice, for he had been just a boy, maybe only sixteen or so, was pleading. Whoever Zoë was, he sounded alarmed at her absence.

"She's on watch in the woods with Audrey and what's-his-name. Just like you need to be. Keep a look out like I told you!" Victoria shrilled at him, "If those wretched canines show up we need to be ready."

Her voice slipped back into it's customary obscene coo as she addressed me again, "Hard to tell just what _they'll_ make of your disappearance, my sweet prey, they don't seem especially bright!" She gave a flirtatious giggle. "They haven't been able to catch up to me so far…. You just really aren't terribly gifted at picking friends, my dear morsel."

Her voice competed with the increasing wind, now howling around the house. The broken shutters banged wildly against the outside wall.

Somehow, the mention of the pack, even from this ghastly vision in front of me, sent an odd tendril of calm through me. I had the oddest sensation that Jacob was, always had been, beside me. It was contrary to all reason, but it was something to hang on to as I steeled myself for whatever Fate might have in store for me.

The possible outcomes were few. Either Jacob and his brothers would get here in time to save me, or Victoria would kill me, or Sam and Paul would be forced to fulfill their promise to me. In any case, I wouldn't have much longer to be afraid.

A strange pocket of detachment formed in my mind, I felt as if I were watching the proceedings from outside myself. I knew the girl was terrified, but it wasn't me anymore. I must be coming unhinged, I thought languidly; that, too, was not of any great importance.

Casually, I murmured, "Who'd have thought Edward would try to find you? Though I must say he was very put out over the whole James thing."

The mere mention of her dead mate's name riveted her attention. "James." She breathed, a look of almost painful ecstasy sliding over her features.

"He seemed to find you – useful." I said with a sigh. "He talked to me, you know, right before the end. What a good… helper you were. A convenience of sorts…." My voice drifted away. Where was all this coming from, I wondered? It distantly occurred to me that provoking Victoria would perhaps be the way to insure that the end was quick.

"James loved me!" Victoria hissed, her features twisted in fury. "How dare you -."

"Who the hell is James?" The boy broke in, his red eyes flashing crazily. "And that other guy you're talking about?"

"Shut up, Riley! None of your fucking business! You're here to do as you're told, or you'll get the same as the others did!" Was the snarling reply.

"This was never about wiping out the pervert vampires, was it? They're not even here!" Roared the boy. "You've lied to me! Lied all along and made me lie to the others. It was all about that James – and… _this_!" He made a dismissive gesture in my direction.

The voices of the vampires rose deafeningly, as they faced off, each taking on a fighting stance. I thought, hopefully, that in their anger they might target each other.

"You've had your uses to me, boy, but things tend to… _happen_ to people who question me too many times!" The menace was plain in her voice and manner.

A look of cunning crossed Victoria's face and she disengaged, to gracefully sidle toward me. My detachment began to crumble. She yanked up on the length of fabric that attached my wrists to the cord at my ankles to raise my arms. The electric jolt of pain in my wrist, traveling up to my neck, almost made me pass out from its intensity.

She squealed like a little child at my response and did it again with gleeful enjoyment. "Oooh, look, look!"

As a distraction for her infuriated companion it was brilliant. But she had more planned. "Watch this, Riley." She commanded in her tiny voice. Roughly tearing the sleeve from my jacket - more sickening pain - she drew her fingernail with exquisite slowness the length of my arm, not breaking the skin but leaving a red line, as the surface capillaries were breeched.

Drawing a deep, appreciative breath, like a wine connoisseur, she whispered seductively, "Luscious, isn't she? This is just the beginning of the fun…."

A low, faint growl sounded from the throat of the boy, Riley. His crimson eyes took on an eerie, eager glow as his mouth parted slightly in anticipation. I could see the venom stranding from his teeth as his lips drew back in a rictus of a smile.

I braced myself, determined to die well, but knowing in my heart that screaming and pleading were inevitable, if ineffective.

As if on cue, the heads of the two predators snapped simultaneously to the side, toward the hallway door, a response to something I could not discern.

A woman's voice called from below. "Hello? Anybody home?" Leah Clearwater's voice.

"What the hell is that?" Hissed Victoria, "Where are the sentries? Get down there and deal with it! _Go_!" She ordered Riley, who practically flew to the door and disappeared.

My befuddled mind struggled to make sense of this, to be interrupted by another voice - the most familiar, beloved voice - roaring and filled with rage, "You want to have some fun, BITCH? Come play with ME!"

The ceiling crashed in and the room filled with nightmare images of naked men bursting out of their skins, exploding with fur and teeth-filled snouts. Images of men turning into wolves.

………

**Moonshadow **has been nominated in the Fall Round of **The Sparkle Awards** for '_The Venom Award'_ (Best Non-canon Pairing) voting is Friday, October 16 thru Sunday, November 8.

**Chapter 17. Magnetic North**

Under the water, I drifted, at ease, rising slowly to the surface.

I wasn't ready to come out of the water yet. It was easier to stay here, effortless, no fighting, just floating. But there was something niggling at the back of my mind, something that was inexorably pulling me up….


	17. Chapter 17

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other

In which things are looking very grim indeed…but then…

**17. Magnetic North**

"**You want to have some fun, BITCH? Come play with ME!"**

**The ceiling crashed in and the room filled with nightmare images of naked men bursting out of their skins, exploding with fur and teeth-filled snouts. Images of men turning into wolves.**

I cowered against the wall as a melee broke out, a bewildering whirl of huge hairy backs, glittering eyes and white fangs with glimpses of red-gold curls flying about in the thick of it. Growling, shrieking, snapping and barking, the agonizing screech of sheet metal tearing; the sounds hurt my ears. I curled into a defensive ball as best I could, keeping one eye uncovered to watch the battle with horrified fascination.

In the racket and confusion, the whole night – beyond this one room - seemed filled with screams and howls, ripping and crunching sounds. I found that I was screaming as well as I cringed away from the turmoil playing out in front of me.

The wolves separated for a brief moment, huge black Sam, silvery Paul and, the best thing I'd ever seen in my life, russet-colored Jacob, shivering with fury. The partially dismembered body of Victoria flopped sickeningly in their midst, emitting hideous screams of rage and frustration. Her ravaged face turned my way and, maimed though she was, she attempted to crawl toward me, shrilling out her disappointment at losing me, _"Mine! Mi-i-i-ne!"_

The wolves were on her in an instant. Sam paused to snap an order at Jake, who whined and squirmed in protest. Another snap and the Jacob-wolf withdrew to stand beside me. Rearing up on his hind legs, towering so as to brush the high ceiling, he shrank as he phased to human. Scooping me up in his arms he turned and ran for the door.

We tore down the stairs. In the spacious entry hall, an fearsome sight met us: Riley, what was left of him, under the merciless paws of Embry, the spotted wolf, and brown Jared, while Leah, in human form – an unholy vision of a naked, enraged Amazon – crouched by his head, hissing menacingly, her face contorted with a vicious sneer.

I absorbed this in the merest instant as Jake practically flew with me out the door and down the front steps, not stopping till we were within the shelter of the surrounding woods. He sank to his knees, gasping, "Bella, are you all right? Tell me you're okay!" He pressed kisses to my face and hair as his hands ran over my body, removing my bonds and gently checking my injuries.

"I-I think so…." I quavered. "What's that funky smell?" Then I fainted yet another time in that long, interminable day.

………

Under the water, I drifted, at ease, rising slowly to the surface.

I wasn't ready to come out of the water yet. It was easier to stay here, effortless, no fighting, just floating. But there was something niggling at the back of my mind, something that was inexorably pulling me up….

I opened my eyes to a bright, white light; light where I didn't expect it to be.

"Ungh?"

A darkness moved across the light. I blinked and tried to focus. The darkness coalesced into the shape of my father peering anxiously into my face.

"Charlie? Uh, Dad? What -?" The voice –oh, my voice- sounded loud in my ears.

A hand brushed my cheek gently. "You're in the hospital, Bella. You'll be fine, but you're pretty banged up right now." No mistaking the relief in his voice.

I heard the sound of a chair scraping across the floor. Charlie sat, no longer blocking the light from my eyes. I tried to lift my arm to shade my eyes, but it wouldn't obey me, it just thumped a bit at my side. It felt curiously heavy.

"What happened? I don't understand?" My voice threatened to turn to a wail. I felt confused and fretful and so very tired.

"There was a car accident, honey. You and Jake, you were very lucky. That little car of his was totaled."

"Jacob!" I gasped, struggling to sit up. "Where is he? Is he okay?" Disoriented and even clumsier than usual, I couldn't seem to get anywhere. I realized various tubes and cords tethered me to the bed where I was lying. Those and the fact that my dad had placed a firm but gentle hand on my chest, holding me down.

"You're not going anywhere for a while, young lady. Jacob will be in to see you in a while. He wasn't badly hurt. The car got t-boned on the passenger side. You're -." He cleared his throat. "You're pretty lucky, all things considered."

"You have a crush injury to your left wrist – they had to put pins in - you've got a couple of broken ribs, _countless _bruises and scrapes, and a concussion. If you hadn't woken up in a few minutes, I was going to get the nurse." Charlie was trying for his brisk, chief-of-police voice, but not quite succeeding. "Is there anything you can tell me, Bells?"

"I don't remember…." I whimpered. I truly didn't, but I had a feeling I should be glad about that somehow.

"Mark was on the beat tonight when a call came in reporting a fire at the Cullen house. I've been worried about that place ever since they left. An empty house is just an open invitation to vandals!" Charlie growled. "Never even put it on the market so's a realtor could be responsible."

"Dad!" Interrupting a rant in the making, I gave him a meaningful stare as I prompted, "The accident? I don't remember anything…?"

"Oh, uh, Mark responded to the call. About a mile from the turn off to the house he came across Jake, _carrying_ you to town. Don't worry!" Charlie reassured me as I started to gasp more questions at him, "That kid's tough! Sue's got him fixed up fine. I think she strapped him down somewhere; otherwise he'd be in here, getting in the way."

I nodded, and then wished I hadn't: it felt as though my brain was sloshing around in my skull.

"Mark had to make a quick decision. The VFD was already on the way, so he put you and Jacob in his cruiser and brought you straight here. He's gone back out to the scene." Charlie perched uneasily on the edge of the hard hospital chair.

"Best we can tell, somebody – a group of kids, most likely - were getting their kicks busting up the place, and then they torched it. You and Jake were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. It must have been the vandals fleeing the scene that smashed into you two: the wreck of Jake's car was found just outside the turn off to the house. He said you were out for a drive?" Charlie gave me a questioning look, which I returned blankly.

"Don't worry if you can't remember anything, Bella, the doc said a lot of people don't." He gave me an encouraging smile, "Are you okay for now? I want to get out to the Cullen place, see where they are in the investigation. The preliminary report's not great, though. It was a hot fire, whoever it was must have used an accelerant. I want to get a BOLO going for the other car, too. Dr. Gerandy said you'd be in and out for a while, so…."

"Uh huh." I agreed, faintly. I _was_ feeling pretty tired again, my brief surge of adrenaline was wearing off.

Charlie rose to leave, pausing for a moment to brush an awkward kiss on my forehead. "Happy birthday, Bells. You sure know how to celebrate!" I heard him whisper as I dozed off.

When I woke for the next time it was easier, my senses returned quicker, I wasn't so disoriented. A soft, rhythmic sound penetrated my brain. Glancing around to locate its source, I saw Jacob. He was in the chair Charlie had used. His glossy black head was resting, face down, atop his folded forearms on the bed by my side. As my ears sharpened to the sound, I realized he was whispering, over and over, "I love you, Bella, I love you." It sounded almost like a prayer.

"Jake." I croaked. He lifted his head; his eyes had dark circles and his face was creased with worry and fatigue.

"Bells." He breathed. He lifted my right hand, uninjured but with the monitor clamped to my forefinger, and kissed it. "You all right, honey?"

"Better now." I smiled and gingerly turned my head to get a better look at him, was there any place on my body that didn't hurt? "What about you?" I was horrified to see that his right arm was wrapped in gauze and that there was a bandage on his forehead as well. "Charlie was talking about a car wreck? What happened?"

He gave a little chuckle, "This is just window dressing, Sue's idea to keep Charlie from asking questions. As for the car wreck, I had to think of a way to explain your injuries and that was the best I could come up with on the fly. I had Embry get the Rabbit and the guys, uh, dealt with it while I started for town with you."

'Charlie's out there right now, what if he realizes it's a fake? You know he'll really go over the scene since it's me."

"Bella, even those geniuses on CSI wouldn't have enough to work with here. The guys were pretty, um, enthusiastic! It's just a charred chunk of metal now!" Jake gave a rueful snort, but I thought that at least some of his regret was at not having been in on the fun.

"Oh, Jacob! Your Rabbit!" I mourned. "You worked so hard on it! I'm so _sorry_."

"Bella!" He exclaimed indignantly. "It's just a _car_! Do you have any idea what I went through when we couldn't find you?" His eyes were wide and direct. In their stark depths I saw a reflection of rage - and grief.

"Just a car!" I laughed feebly, to cover my confusion at his expression. "I guess you really do love me! Oh, crap, I shouldn't laugh, it hurts."

My lover rolled his eyes exasperatedly, "Sure, sure. I guess I shouldn't have worried so much: if you can be a smart ass you must be out of danger!" But he was smiling so gladly at me I thought his face might crack.

"I think my lips are about the only place not bruised," I murmured. "Can I have a kiss now?"

After a few minutes, Jacob sat back in the chair while I urged him to tell me the story of my ordeal from his point of view.

"I remember watching the guys play basketball. I stepped away to look at something…." I frowned as I cast my mind back, trying to piece together the fragments in my memory.

Swallowing hard, my wolf took up the story. "The first I knew of it, Bella, was…I couldn't feel you. You were just - gone."

My face must have shown my perplexity at this statement, for he explained, "Um, I've always had a sense of – of _you_. Maybe like… magnetic North to a compass? I never have to think about it, but when it was gone… it was like my own heartbeat was missing." He ran his hands over his face and through his slightly damp hair, huffing out a breath. For the first time I noticed that he was dressed in hospital scrubs.

"Yeah," he said in answer to my question, "Sue found me these, got me into a shower, too."

"Oh! There was a strange smell…?" A few details were starting to come back.

Jake's eyes crinkled mischievously, "I'll get to that, it comes later." More soberly, he went on, " Like I was saying, you were just _gone_. It didn't even have time to really register with me before I was tearing up ground to get back to the village, with Leah trying to catch up, asking what was wrong."

"When I got to the council hall, the rest of the pack were all there. Embry had phased and called in the other patrol, Paul had gotten Sam out of bed, and Jared was searching the area. I, um, I pretty much lost it, Bells."

"Emily said you tried to fight Sam?" I quavered out; the idea still seemed almost blasphemous.

"I wanted to take them _all_ out, for losing you, Bella. Sam finally had to put an Alpha command on me to get me to hold still long enough to talk sense into me." He looked ashamed but defiant at the same time. "Good thing they can see into my mind…." He shrugged resignedly.

Tilting his chair back on two legs, Jake went on with the tale of the wolves' desperate search. "Jared's got eyes like binoculars, he had the idea of climbing the tree where your scent stopped, thinking maybe there'd be something worth seeing. Near the top of the tree he caught your scent and called down to us."

I shuddered as he told of the laborious hunt for a viable trail: Jared, Leah and Seth in the trees, the latter two being the most agile, going from tree trunk to branches to trunk again, giving directions to the pack below. I gulped as he told me how Seth had fallen nearly thirty feet before catching a branch to save himself.

"Sam decided to have a quick huddle at that point. He said we needed to calm down, focus, that we wouldn't do you any good by getting hurt ourselves. I'll admit, honey, I've never been so glad in my life that Sam's the Alpha. He really showed what he's made of, got us all back on track." His love and loyalty for his leader were plain on his face.

"Paul came up then, he'd been nosing around and found a shoe." I nodded, cautiously, and he continued, "That let us know that we were on the right track, at least. So we went on, a little more methodically. Then, just like that, I could feel you again. Like someone opened a door."

Setting the front legs of the chair on the floor, he carefully picked up my right hand and held it to his cheek for a moment, looking away from me. He gently replaced my hand on the bed.

"How long had it been?" I asked quietly, moved by his silent gesture.

"Forever." He whispered hoarsely. "Sam tells me it was about two hours, so not long, really. Just seemed like it to me. I thought -." His voice broke off. My arms actually ached to hold him and soothe away his stricken expression.

Jacob went on, "From then on it was easy, it didn't take long to figure you were at the Cullen house. I wanted to go in and get you right then, of course, but Sam said -." He cleared his throat. "Sam said we'd go in with a plan, get as close to you as possible, but that we had to take out the bloodsuckers once and for all. That it was our job and, and not fair to you not to remove the danger permanently."

"Well, you can imagine how much I liked that idea." He said, grimly. "I started to freak out again, but I could see his point, even though I wasn't entirely rational at the moment. That's when Emily stepped in - she'd been following the hunt as best she could from her car."

Jake grinned fiercely, "He wasn't any keener on Emily going into the house than I was about leaving you in there, but she won out. Damn, that girl's tough for all she acts so mild and sweet." He gave an admiring laugh.

"Yeah," I murmured, "She was the second best thing I've ever seen in my life! But, I remember, she was wearing my clothes." I puzzled over that detail.

"That was her idea, too, to disguise her smell." Approval was strong in his voice. "We're really not sure how well the leeches can tell the difference between one human and another, scent-wise. It seemed like a wise precaution to assume that they're as sensitive as we are."

"But how did she get them, the clothes, I mean? It's not like she could just ask Charlie for some of my things! He'd have wanted some sort of explanation – like why I wasn't giving them to her myself."

"Bella, everyone from Hoquiam to Port Angeles knows that your dad keeps the front door key in the eaves. A shocking lack of home security for a police chief, but handy for us!" He gave a hoot of laughter while I made a mental note to tactfully bring this up with my father.

"We ran a recon at the Cullen place and found three of the bloodsuckers in the woods on watch detail. Some of the pack drew them off so Emily could come to you -."

"She saved my sanity, I think." I broke in, shakily. "Remind me to tell her she's the bravest non-supernatural being I've ever met."

Jake nodded fervently. He went on to tell of the plan that was made for my rescue and for the final destruction of Victoria. "You see, by that time we had figured out that it was her, just like we'd all suspected. Her smell was there, but plainly she'd been using other parasites as agents, because their scents almost covered hers."

"Aahh." I mumbled to myself, some things were starting to come clear. "How did you get in the house and hide? And how come she didn't know you were there? The vampires can smell the wolves too, right?"

His eyes sparkled as he said, excitedly, "Bella, if I ever sneer at the old tribal lore again, you have my permission to slap me upside the head. Dad and Old Quil saved the day with their concoction of, let me think, sage, garlic, um, cinnamon oil, some skunk cabbage from the bog, citronella, I think, and… oh, some other stuff too, like badger glands or something."

That explained the peculiar odor, then. I wrinkled my nose in remembrance.

"We rubbed that on good, then climbed up into the attic through the gable vents and just made ourselves at home. Me and Paul and Sam."

"Were you human or phased?" I asked, trying to picture this in my mind.

"Human, of course. It's easier to perch on rafters in that form. It was handy that the wind started to pick up about then, it helped cover up when one of us just had to move. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to keep that still in such a position. I _was_ pretty motivated, though! Sam phased a couple of times while we were waiting to get reports from the team on the ground. Good thing, too."

He stopped at this point, looking around and mumbling about needing a drink of water. I snarled at him to get on with it, knowing he was teasing me.

"It's a good thing, because the wolves on perimeter reported three in the woods and two more approaching the house, they had a visual. But, Bella, we couldn't see from inside the attic - and we could only sense _one_ vampire in the house, until the two of them started talking. You disappeared from me again at the same time."

I looked at him blankly for a moment as that sunk in. "O-oh. That explains a whole bunch of things. And some things Victoria said…."

"And how they took you without the pack knowing." Jacob grimaced. "He probably could have taken you any time, any where."

"It was just Victoria's lust for revenge that made it all play out so long. She was obsessed with it, and the Cullen house was like her stage." I mused aloud. "She kept saying how disappointed she was that they weren't there to see…."

We sat in silence for a moment, struck mute by the horror of all that had passed, and of what might well have been. Jacob drew a rattling breath to finish out the recital.

"We had already figured that she'd have at least one of her, uh, assistants in the house with her. She didn't seem likely to leave much to chance; she'd always have someone at her back." I murmured an agreement; Victoria had obviously been a thorough tactician.

"We had to split them up. So we had Leah come in through the front door and call out, like a curious neighbor or something. We thought that a girl's voice would be less threatening."

"That was the diversion that Em mentioned."

"Damn, it took forever, though, for them to get in position. The ground team had to fight their way to house, silently. I thought I would go crazy, listening to that – that-." Jacob sputtered to a stop; evidently he didn't have a name bad enough to express his feelings toward my tormentor.

He gave himself a little shake as if to clear his head. "Good thing Sam had put me under Alpha command again, he knew I'd have a hard time waiting." He gave a bitter laugh, "It's a good thing but I sure hated it at the time. I kept resisting, which just made it worse."

Thinking back on the words Victoria and I had exchanged, I could well imagine his anguish and sense of urgency, held back only by Sam's mental force.

"I swear. Bella, I didn't know a person could be that angry and not go insane with it. Or that frightened. I just thought I knew what scared was that time you jumped off the cliff."

I reached out for his hand, trailing the monitor cord. I thought to myself that, as horrible as my ordeal had been, at least I hadn't had to sit still and listen while someone taunted Jake with such deadly intent.

"So when Riley went down stairs, you broke through the ceiling -." I prompted.

"And the fight was on." He grinned evilly. "Man, that was satisfying! I hated like anything to leave before the end, but Sam told me to get you out." I remembered the wolves' exchange. "He was right," sighed my wolf boy, regret plain in his voice. "But still."

"You took me away, and downstairs…." I remembered aloud, "What was Leah up to?" The memory of that strange sight rose in my mind.

"That Leah is one stone cold bitch." Jake said with gusto, admiration manifest in his tone, if not in his choice of words. "She really seemed to take it personally that you got snatched." I felt a little glow inside at this observation.

"She got it in her head to interrogate the blond male - the one we couldn't sense or smell. Remember those teenage runaways Charlie was worrying over? That was Victoria, uh, recruiting helpers. This guy was one of the first. She got him to Forks, _and_ La Push, and realized pretty quick that we didn't even know he was around, careful as we tried to be."

Jacob gave shiver of horror as he exclaimed, "It didn't take much for her to figure out how useful that could be! When I think of how much danger you were in all along, Bella." He choked. "Anyway, she had a policy of destroying any operatives who started getting unruly or asking too many questions, except this blond

dude-."

"Riley." I murmured.

"Yeah, whatever, because he was too useful."

"She threatened him, remember? He started getting mad; she must have told him there was going to be a fight with the Cullens, as an excuse. They kept calling them perverts and freaks, because they only hunted animals, I guess."

Jake wrinkled his nose, not willing to acknowledge a difference. "Beats me why he even told us these things, I mean, he must have known we'd never let him go. But it was like he couldn't spill it out fast enough. And he kept saying a name, Zoë, was it?"

"I think… she was his mate.' I said softly, "He was worried about her – like he knew what would happen. He probably just wanted to say her name one last time." My eyes filled with tears at the thought, knowing that I would have died with Jacob's name on my lips.

"Don't waste your tears on him, honey. He was ready to torture you to death, then feast on your blood." Jake's voice was flat, his fury and horror barely under control.

I knew that he would never be able to see vampires as people, whereas I couldn't help but see them that way. As people, whose lives had been hideously distorted, with no way out of such a fate. Riley had told his story so willingly, because we were the only beings, now, who would know that he and a girl named Zoë had ever existed.

To change the subject, I hurriedly asked, "So is everyone okay? The pack, I mean? Injuries?"

"Well, Seth did get a dislocated shoulder, but we fixed him up. He's been blooded now and he's almost hysterical with pride." Jake gave a small snort. "Have to take him down a peg or two soon!"

"Blooded?" I asked cautiously. "That doesn't sound good."

"Just the term for his first kill." He said, matter-of-factly. "He was still grumpy over my leaving him behind that night at your house. Leah's the one who ought to be proud. Her stock in the pack went w-a-a-y up what with interrogating that bloodsucker, and, _man_, if she isn't hell on wheels as a fighter. But then we knew that, already."

I smiled inwardly. I alone knew that Leah would be moving on from the pack soon. I was pleased for my friend that she would get to leave on such a high note.

"The others?" I was anxious for my friends' well being.

My wolf gave a run down on the rest of the pack, nothing major in the way of injuries, mostly sprains, contusions and gashes, all healing rapidly. "Paul's complaining loudly about the splinters in his ass from crouching on those rafters. Rachel is being the good girlfriend and picking them out. Something I really don't want to think about too much!"

We both laughed, though I tried to be very careful. I was really starting to feel the broken ribs; the medication must be wearing off.

Jacob's face grew sober. He gave me a pointed look and said severely, "Speaking of Paul…. When Sam took the commands off me, he took one off Paul as well. I found out about your little…arrangement with them. Do you mind telling what the hell you were thinking, Bella?"

"I think that ought to be obvious." I said stoutly. "I had to plan ahead, and it was something I needed help with, so…." I found I was getting frustrated by not being able to talk with my hands, as was my custom. "I didn't really even have to think about it. I knew I'd rather be dead than live as your enemy, Jacob. Don't scold me, it was just a decision that I had to make." I looked at him steadily, chin high, daring him to make more of it.

He leaned back in his chair to regard me solemnly, nodding to himself. "That does sound like you, Bella, I've got to admit. I'm just so glad that…." He sighed heavily, then made an effort and grinned at me. "You've got a new BFF in Paul, that's for sure. He's about to start the Bella Swan Fan Club and declare himself president! But, really, honey, the whole pack's impressed. That was brave of you."

I couldn't shrug so I contented myself with raising my eyebrows. We just looked at each other in silence for a time. I was so thankful that the fear and suffering were now a thing of the past. Maybe now we could just get on with being, well, being boyfriend and girlfriend, like normal people.

This reverie was cut short by a weary-looking nurse, who entered the room and said briskly, as she studied the chart in her hand, "Your visitor will have to leave now, Miss Swan. I need to check a few things, then the doctor wants to see you to determine when you can be released."

Jacob rose reluctantly and bent over to give me a quick kiss. As he reached the door I called out softly, _"Love you, Jacob."_

"_Love you more."_ Was the reply.

"I wouldn't bet on it!" I tossed back at him. Even the tired nurse smiled over her chart as my wolf gave me a long, fond glance and shut the door behind him.

………

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**Chapter 18. Proof of Life**

…I had begun to have a sensation of being cut off from real life. It was as though an almost invisible curtain hung between my life and me; colors appeared muted and sounds muffled; even my physical pain seemed remote, somehow.


	18. Chapter 18

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other

In which Bella experiences uncertainty, braves honesty, realizes trust and finds healing…

**18. Proof of Life**

I slowly paced the living room as I waited for Jacob. He was excused from school for a few days, to recover from his 'injuries' due to the car wreck. I was similarly house bound for the same – legitimate - reason. I knew he chafed at the lack of activity, he was not the sort to enjoy a sedentary spell, but I was thankful for the circumstances.

It was plain to everyone, meaning to _Charlie_, that we should spend the quiet days of recuperation together. I found myself anxious for the light of my own personal sun in a way I had not been since my days of depression last winter.

It wasn't as though I had much opportunity to be lonely, however. Leah and Emily were taking turns coming over in the mornings to help me get ready for the day. I wasn't immobilized, but a broken wrist and ribs made dressing and grooming extremely awkward and slow. I did appreciate the help, and the friendship that lay behind it.

Sue was a daily visitor, though her days were very full just now, what with nursing the injured wolves in addition to her official duties at the ER. Angela, having heard of the 'accident', had sent me a sweet and funny get-well card that I posted prominently on the fridge. My boss Etta had also come by with assurances that she'd hold my job for me and, typically, bringing a stack of casseroles in foil pans for Charlie's dinners.

All the pack members who were able had stopped by. The pack injuries were not quite as slight as Jake had originally led me to believe, their amazing capacities of recovery not withstanding.

All in all, the sense of concern and love and community was gratifying and deeply touching, so why was I so … blah? I just couldn't seem to snap out of the gray funk that surrounded me.

At first, the sheer relief at surviving the kidnapping and subsequent ordeal at the Cullen house had made it seem as if all the bad feelings and fear were in the past. Within a very short time, however, I had begun to have a sensation of being cut off from real life. It was as though an almost invisible curtain hung between my life and me; colors appeared muted and sounds muffled; even my physical pain seemed remote, somehow.

I was getting pretty sick of it.

At last! I spotted Sam's battered F-150 coming down the street, Jake in the passenger seat. Part of my wolf's irritation at his invalid status was the subsequent lack of _wheels_. The Rabbit had received a dignified burial, of sorts, and the bike was off limits till Jake's recovery was made official.

Jacob said a few words of parting to Sam, and then ostentatiously limped to the front porch. I had the door open before he could even knock. With broken ribs I couldn't fling myself into his arms the way I wanted, so I just leaned against him and did my best to soak in the feeling security and belonging he generated.

He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me gently and lingeringly. He smiled into my eyes, but I thought I detected a note of concern in his gaze. After getting the daily report on my physical status, we settled down to our studies at the kitchen table. I was trying to not fall any more behind in the classes I had begun at the community college. What way to start the school year! The college had understood, but I was already getting anxious.

After a time, we settled on the sofa together to read. At least English Lit 101 was familiar material; **Of Human Bondage** was open in my hands as I stared unseeing at the pages.

Jake was reading **The Art of War **by Sun Tzu, a selection I found surprising until he explained that it was _the_ bible for guerilla warfare.

"Wish I'd been farther into this when we met up with… _her_." He observed, "Lots of useful stuff in here."

I didn't bother to express my hope that he would have no further need of such knowledge – that was a given.

I blinked. I had been staring off into space again; I just couldn't seem to concentrate these days. I became aware that my lover was watching me, a look of quiet sympathy on his face. "Is it very bad, honey? Do you need a pill or something?"

"In a little while, maybe, I don't like the way those things make me feel." I closed the book; it wasn't like I was absorbing it. With a sigh I said, "_Do you ever think your life might be easier if you weren't in love with me?"_

Jake gave an indignant huff, "_Maybe. It wouldn't be much of a life, though._ What kind of a question is that? This is a lead in to something, right?"

"You know me pretty well, don't you?" I mumbled pitifully and I gingerly squirmed around to slide my legs over his. I leaned my forehead into his neck. His answer was to carefully pull me closer and run his warm hand up and down my back.

"Spit it out, Bells. What's up? You sound like you have a guilty conscience or something." There was a comforting suggestion of a chuckle in his voice.

"That's part of the problem. Jake, I-I don't _know_ what's wrong with me – I just don't feel like myself." I tried to keep my voice from trembling. "I feel this…heaviness. And – and distance."

"Hmm. You haven't scolded me for days, or tried to chip away at my ego -." I couldn't help a bit of a snicker here. "-, or smacked me one, or argued with me, or…. Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but it _is_ sort of unnatural!" Jake's look was one of mock-severity. "Maybe I'm kind of dense here, but where does a question like 'would my life be easier without you' fit in?"

"I'm afraid you'll get tired of having to rescue me all the time... and how I'm always so needy." I muttered, hearing how pathetic the words sounded aloud but needing to know.

"Needy." His voice was flat with… disbelief. "You." He shook his head, laughing softly. "Bells, listen to yourself! This from the girl who throws herself at trees on a motorcycle and jumps off cliffs? Who asks my brothers – behind my back - to destroy her if necessary, and who talks back to insane vampires?"

"And you rescued me every time, and-and took me to the emergency room, and sacrificed your car and…" I ran down, feeling even more abashed at the glaring inequality in our relationship.

"Because that's what you'll _allow_ me to do for you! This would all have been so much easier if you weren't so set on being so all-fired independent all the time! What are you trying to prove?" Jake was smiling, a little, but was also plainly more than a trifle aggravated.

I opened my mouth to snap a smart reply, but nothing came out; once again Jacob Black had left me speechless.

"Does it ever occur to you that I_ want_ to keep you safe? Make you happy? It's only a chore because you insist on making it one. Sure, I go along with the motorcycle riding and things, even the trips to the ER, because it's what you want to do. And I figure I better be there to pick up the pieces, even when you act like you're just tolerating my interference."

"Oh." I said in a small voice. "I hadn't looked at it like that. I always just thought, well, that I couldn't give you nearly what you give me… and, uh…." I ran out of steam here, somewhat overcome by Jacob's observations on our relationship.

"Bella." He said, kindly and firmly. "I. Am. In. Love. With. You. I thought we had established that. What you can do _for_ me isn't the point, it's who you are that has me captured this way." His voice dropped to a whisper as he said, with a suggestively raised eyebrow, "Of course, what you do _to_ me is another matter."

His teeth sought my earlobe, as always eliciting a tiny shiver from me.

"Besides," he continued, "You do lots of things for me, you just don't think they're worth much, because you're you."

"Like what?" Was the best I could manage as I racked my brains. What was he referring to?

"Like all that stuff for me and Dad. The cooking, for instance: you think I didn't notice that you checked diabetic cookbooks out of the library? I can't do that kind of thing for him. And how you volunteer to run errands for us, when I can't get into town. We both appreciate it, honey, more than you know."

"But that's nothing." I objected, "I-I love you, both of you. I want you to know that and I want you to have a good life…have everything you need. It's really not so much."

He gave a snort as an answer. "How about all that help you give me for English class? Mrs. Ramsey couldn't believe the improvement on my papers!" He rolled his eyes as I protested the worth of this under my breath.

"And there's the minor matter of how you accepted the fact that I turn into a huge, hairy dog from time to time. You act like it's no big deal, but you have no idea how scared I was that day when you figured it out! _And_ how you made such an effort to fit in with the pack and their mates, because it's part of my life, even though that kind of thing isn't easy for you."

I realized my mouth was hanging open slightly and shut it. How did he know my struggles with the pack life, of always having so many people in my business?

"But, it's so ordinary." I said faintly.

"I don't think so." He answered simply. "Do you mean to tell me that you only love me because I have supernatural qualities?"

"Of course not!" I contradicted vehemently. "I mean, they've certainly come in handy, but mostly I wish we could just have a regular life, with no monsters or magic. I love you with out all the extras, Jake. Because you make me laugh, and you're kind, and understanding, and honest, and patient…"

"Z-z-z-z-z…." Jake's head fell forward in a parody of sleep. "Gack! I must be the dullest boyfriend on record!" He exclaimed, raising his head, a look of tragic dismay on his face.

"Idiot." I giggled, snuggling closer to him. "The last thing I have to worry about is life being dull with you around."

"Great! You're calling me names now, feeling better?" He asked dryly.

I nodded against his chest. "Sorry to be such a pain."

"Not a pain!" He chided me gently, lovingly. "Just don't make such a study of being down on yourself, honey. I can't think of anyone who could have gone through so much anywhere near as bravely as my girl, my Bella."

Contrasted with the distress of the last few days, the relief at confiding my uncertainties to Jacob gave me a slightly lightheaded sensation. I basked in the heat of his body as he cradled me in his arms and we murmured to each other between the tenderest of kisses. I began to be aware of the thud of my heart; I could feel it in my throat, in my fingertips as I touched his face, in the warmth that was starting to purl between my legs.

A tendril of wanting began to uncoil in my body and my mind. I was filled by an intense surge of longing, not just for sex, but for _intimacy._ A yearning for that elemental bond, for a tangible gesture of affirmation.

I heard my voice saying, "Jake, I-I want you."

"Well, I want you, too, Bells. All the time. Gets, ah, kind of embarrassing, sometimes, how much I want you." He answered indulgently - giving the private chuckle that was for me only - and dropped a light kiss on my hairline.

"I mean now, we have lots of time. Lets… make love." I said almost desperately. Although I had initiated sex before, I had never said those words aloud, in that way. My face burned in a manner reminiscent of the first time I had told Jacob that I wanted his physical love.

He pulled back to look at me with concern, "Do you really think that's a good idea right now? You're so…fragile; I kind of figured that you wouldn't be very interested until you're feeling better."

My voice sounded thick as I struggled to tell him the depth of my longing. "Jacob, the other day, I knew for sure I was dead, and I guess I kind of gave up…and now I have to get my mind back to the fact that I'm going to live after all. But it's harder than I would have thought." I discovered that I was trying to wring my hands, very difficult to do wearing a cast.

I swallowed hard as I tried to marshal my thoughts in a coherent order. I reflected that I had known the feeling of attraction, deep attraction, for Jacob, as well as desire, very strong desire. What I was feeling now was… need.

Taking a deep breath, I began again, very low, trying to keep my voice steady, "I need you, Jacob. I need _us_, being together, that way. I…I need the connection. Does that make any sense?"

When he didn't answer right away, I forced myself to look into his face. His eyes were closed, his lips compressed. "Jake? What's wrong? I-if you really don't, uh, if you thinks it's a bad idea…." I faltered.

An exasperated snort on my boy's part made me feel better instantly. His eyes flew open and looked intently into mine, irony plain in his expression. "What did I just finish saying, Bella? I've been trying _not_ to be the horny-teenage-dick-centered-hormone-driven jerk I know I could be!" We both had to laugh at his self-description.

"Bells, honey." He began, his face solemn and bleak, "I lived through the worst when I thought I had lost you. I carried on only to get revenge. I couldn't think beyond that – because there was nothing if you were gone. Everything turned out okay, but sometimes it's like I'm back _then_ and…." His arms tightened cautiously around me.

With his face buried in my hair so that his voice was muffled, he said, "So, yeah, I get it. It feels like I'll never have enough of you to make up for when I thought … that there wouldn't be any more."

For a long moment, or many moments, I couldn't tell, we held each other in silence. Acknowledging by our very lack of words the fear and pain that we had each experienced, and that we would heal from together.

We slowly drew apart. I reached my hand up to his neck to draw him into a kiss, but he stopped me. He drew the edge of his thumb lightly along the side of my face, from my temple and along my jaw, finally tracing a circle around my lips. A little smile played on his lips as he said, "Two conditions." I nodded. "_I_ get to drive! You just… enjoy, got it? I'll work out the logistics. And if anything, _anything_ is uncomfortable, stop me. Any moans I hear better be because you're loving it, no other reason. Agreed?" He did his best to look stern.

'Agreed." I whispered. Unknowingly, my stomach had been twisted tight in my anxiety to convince him of my necessity. Now it eased, and I could feel a pleasant, warm little bubble of excitement beginning to form under my ribs.

Jake very carefully slipped his arm around my waist and bent his head to mine. I did as he had bid me; I… let go and allowed the delight of his mouth take over my consciousness. I knew the pressure of his lips so well now and the fulfillment of that expectation was so sweet it brought tears to my eyes.

Almost reluctantly, I ended the kiss and led the way upstairs with Jacob following close behind, his hands resting lightly on my hips. Entering my room and shutting the door behind us, he pulled me to lean back against him. I relaxed into the welcome warmth of his body as he ran his hands from my neck, down over my breasts to my hips and inner thighs, then back up again. I could feel the hot rigidness of him pressed against my back.

He turned me to face him, hands cradling my cheeks as he studied my face raptly.

"What?" I asked breathlessly.

In complete seriousness, he said softly, "Sometimes I wonder if you really know how much I'm in love with you, Bella."

His words, and their intensity, started a little quiver in my knees, while at the same time my inner spark began to glow more brightly. "Perhaps you better show me." I whispered.

His mouth recaptured mine as he undid the buttons of my shirt, gently peeling it back from my shoulders and sliding it free of my arms. His hands moved to cradle the back of my head and his mouth moved across my cheek to my neck and up. The feel, and sound, of his hot breath, the sensation of his teeth grazing my ear forced a tiny "Oo-oh," as an aching tingle spread through me from his lips to my breasts, hardening my nipples instantly.

He sat me on the edge of the bed and I awkwardly undid the front clasp of my bra. He knelt before me and slipped off my shoes, then untied the drawstring pants I was wearing. I felt so… pleasantly _tended_ _to_ as he removed each piece of clothing. It was soothing as well as arousing.

Jake couldn't help a little hiss of consternation as the extent of my bruises, in all their greenish-yellow glory, was revealed. He brushed the lightest of kisses on each one, moving with deliberate slowness. My breath began to sound a trifle loud in the quiet.

"Shouldn't you, um, take something off?" I urged. I felt so much more _naked_ than usual, with my ribs taped and the cast on my arm.

He moved back and stood, pulling off his t-shirt. I took a moment to admire his new tattoo. All the pack members had them, mostly tribal art or representations of wolves of some sort, of course. Jake's was different: what I had at first taken to be a type of mandala turned out to be a swirling, highly stylized pattern of – _bells_.

Off came the jeans and Jacob stepped close to me once more. I carefully clasped my arms around his waist, pulling him close. I rested my cheek on his belly, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the echoing pulse of his erection pressed against my chest. I drew a deep breath, letting the scent of his skin fill my lungs and head.

He knelt between my legs as I sat there, still on the edge of the bed. He reached around and made a mass of the throw pillows behind me as a backrest, settling my left arm in its cast on a pillow beside me.

Assuring himself that I was as comfortable as I could be, he lifted my right hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the tip of each finger and then turned my hand to touch his lips to the palm. He placed the hand on his shoulder and leaned in to turn his attention to kissing along my jaw, then my throat, before moving down with heart-stopping slowness.

His hands cupped my breasts; his thumb coaxing the peak of one while his lips and tongue flicked and teased and sucked the other. My eyes roamed his face, cherishing the vision of his lashes against his russet skin and the deeper color of his lips contrasting with the white of my breast.

My head dropped back on the mound of pillows behind my as I lost myself in the exquisite wonder of his mouth on my nipple. It never ceased to amaze me how deeply such a simple act aroused me, sending a searing flood of heat and desire straight to my core.

I whimpered, "The other one's lonely." Jake gave a tiny breath of a laugh as he drifted his mouth to the other side.

One hand moved to circle the ball of my shoulder, sliding down to my elbow then ghosting softly over my flank. His hand slipped to my ass, kneading, then glided down my thigh to my knee. Jake's hands were huge and strong, rough with work and the out-of-doors. But his touch was always marvelously refined, intuitive of whether firmness or delicacy or vigor was required.

As if in response to my unspoken thought, one hand slipped into my source, his fingers gently probing and searching in the soft wetness there. I let out a shaky sigh of pleasure at his touch, which he echoed.

His head began a downward slide; he lightly skimmed his face over the tape that bound my ribs. Sitting back on his heels, he gently lifted one leg and placed it over his shoulder, then repeated with the other.

His eyes deliberately held mine for a long moment as he pressed his mouth between my legs. He pushed the point of his tongue into my opening, making me shiver with the promise of things to come. Then he slipped two fingers inside me as he turned the attention of his tongue and lips and teeth to my clit. A rumble deep in his chest sounded his own pleasure at giving me this most intimate of kisses.

I leaned my head back harder into the pillow; getting what traction I could to press my fork more firmly into his ministrations. Through slitted eyes, I absorbed the sight of his glossy black hair spread out over the fair skin of my thighs. I didn't look for long, my eyes closing in spite of me, as his hand moved demandingly in and out of me. Jake emitted little growls as he lifted my hips from the bed, his mouth working over my knot in a frenzy. Hearing and feeling his passion for me swept me away from myself in mounting waves of heat.

As the waves ebbed from me, Jake rested his chin on my leg, his breath shallow and ragged. I blinked open my eyes; his expression was curiously blank from deep arousal as he raised his hand to wipe away the silken moisture on his face.

Raising himself up, he joined me on the bed. His hands shook slightly as he arranged me on my side with a hasty deftness, taking care to tuck my awkward left arm tidily beside me. Hoarse, half-formed words of need sounded from him as he lay down behind me, curling into my body like two spoons in a drawer. The burning hardness of his shaft pressed seekingly against the back of my thigh. His knee slid between my legs, parting them. I was so eager for him to enter me that I was shivering.

"Oh yes oh yes oh yes oh please please yes ye-e-s-s." The words spilled out of me as I could feel myself being filled by the heat and the thickness of him. It was as though a pain I hadn't known I had was miraculously eased as he joined my body. He filled more than a physical void with his presence: he became part of the substance of my being.

His hips moved in our private rhythm and I leaned my torso forward, arching my back as best I could and pressing my behind against him to give him more access. His topmost hand snaked over my belly and filled itself with my mound. Two fingers slipped into my cleft and caressed my clit, sliding one on either side, stroking and pinching in time to his thrusts behind me. My right hand slid down my own body to twine with his at my center.

A rising tide of lapping, sunset-colored warmth enveloped me, covered me, and then broke over my head, to leave me gasping and crying out in its wake.

I could feel Jake pulsating within me as his breath sounded harshly in my ear. "Ah – uh – God – Bells – _aanhh_…!" His body collapsed itself around mine, as he shuddered in his extremity.

For the briefest of moments, I had a sensation of being at the center of the world, as if the axis went right through our entangled bodies. It seemed I could feel the spinning of the Earth. Then I was back, right-sized and feeling… alive.

Under my cheek, I could feel the bumpy-smoothness of the quilt and smell the detergent I used, mingled with the scent of our sex. Jacob's warm body was folded around mine, his heart rate gradually slowing, our skin filmed and stuck together with sweat. Outside, the tentative chirps of birds told me that the rain was letting up and I could hear the familiar noises of the street, the occasional car and neighbors talking outside.

So familiar, so plain, so welcome.

After long moments, I shifted and disengaged to the sound of a wistful sigh from us both. Rolling over, and clumsily clouting Jake with my cast in the process, I snuggled up to his warm, inviting bulk.

"Feel better?" He asked, huskily.

"Mmm hmm! You're a good therapist." I mumbled.

"Happy to be of service, miss."

We lay together, exchanging small whispers and caresses, till my wolf's stomach growled, echoed by my own.

Almost reluctantly, we separated and dressed only the most necessary amount, and went downstairs for a late lunch. I realized that I actually felt hungry for the first time in what seemed like forever.

I watched as Jacob moved around the little kitchen, usually my domain. He briskly assembled and heated a pile of quesadillas, extra jalapeño on his, of course. Jake was hardly a gourmet cook but years of fending for himself and Billy had given him an easy confidence at such tasks. I caressed the muscles of his back with my eyes as he worked.

"These are good." I said approvingly as I helped myself. "I could get used to this."

He smirked and replied, "That would be part of my plan." He pressed his leg against mine under the table and gave me a long look. I responded by hooking my knee over his.

I smiled meaningfully and said, "I think I might need some more therapy in a bit…can I be on top this time?"

………

OK, so it was mainly an excuse for another lemon – what did you think?

Please vote for **Moonshadow** in The Sparkle Awards – Venom Award (Best Non-canon Pairing) voting October 16 – November 8

**Chapter 19. ****Easy as Breathing**

_Dear Edward…_


	19. Chapter 19

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is intended. Think of it as an _homage_….

Moonshadow

Some things are so right as to be inevitable…

**19. Easy as Breathing**

_Dear Edward,_

_It's been a year since you left. I know you will never see this letter, but it doesn't matter. I guess I'm really writing it for myself._

_I just wanted to say that I know why you went away. When you told me that you didn't love me any more, I found it easy to believe because I never felt worthy of your love._

_I understand now that you loved me all along, the same way I loved you, only more. It wasn't about worthiness; it was about something that was never meant to be. _

_I'll never really know how you reached the decision to leave and I can only begin to guess what it cost you. You are braver than I am._

_Do you remember Jacob Black? I know that he and his kind are your enemies, but I honestly think you'd be happy for me. I've heard people refer to their mates as their other half, now I get it. _

_Every night when I go to bed, I can hardly wait for sleep - so that morning will come and I can get up for another day of living in a world that has my Jacob in it. _

_Thank you for having the courage to make a hard choice - one that I could not make - so that I would be able to have the life I was meant to have__. _

I'll always love you… in a way_. Good-bye._

**Bella**

I looked over what I had written; lamenting again that my handwriting was so ungraceful, no matter.

Going downstairs and out to the back yard, I lifted the top of the charcoal grill, making a mental note to clean it well before putting it away for the winter. I gingerly held the letter in the fingers of my cast-clad left hand and applied the lighter to the opposite corner.

I watched the flames lick up the paper and then dropped it into the pile of cinders in the bottom of the grill. Looking up, I watched the thin smoke spiral up to meet the watercolor gray of the sky, till all was gone. I stirred the paper ash into the fragments of briquettes and closed the lid of the grill.

It didn't have the force of meaning that it might once have, but it felt right, somehow. Like… like something a girl in a book might do!

I gave a little laugh at myself and went back inside to wait for Jacob.

**.........**

We were going on our long-promised date at last. Jake had made all the plans, saying that he wanted to give me a really nice treat – to make up for having to spend my nineteenth birthday in the hospital. Dinner and a movie, in Port Angeles, was all the information he would give.

I was finally out of the tape around my ribs; it was fine, so long as I refrained from any sudden moves, like deep breathing.

We were in my truck for the evening; Jake and his boss Jed Dowling had plans to hit the car auction in Hoquiam to find a replacement for the Rabbit, but that wasn't for another week.

I had noticed my wolf giving me thoughtful looks since Sam had dropped him off at my house an hour ago. When I asked why he kept staring at me, Jake's face had taken on that look of bland openness that meant he was covering something.

His response, "Do I need a reason? Other than being crazy in love with my girlfriend?" was certainly gratifying, but I knew there had to be more. I looked at him expectantly.

Taking a deep breath, my wolf said, hesitantly, "Bella, do you ever… think about _him_. Cullen, I mean?"

I looked at him in surprise: it was as if he knew of my thoughts and activities of this afternoon.

Maybe I was reading too much into it. Just answer the question, Bella, I told myself.

"Well, sometimes; things just remind me, you know. But… I guess what you're really asking is: do I miss him? No, I don't, not any more, not for a long time, Jake." I shook my head emphatically. "Why?"

"Uh, talking with Sam on the way over. He mentioned that it's been a year since he found you in the woods that time." He gave me a diffident smile and shrugged, "I just… needed to know, Bells. We've never talked about it much – unless we had a fight or something."

I blinked, of course; other people had reason to remember these happenings.

"Yes, I see." I murmured, thoughtfully. "I couldn't talk about it till I was over it – and then, it was _so_ over, that I didn't _need_ to talk about it. It just wasn't of much interest. I'm sorry if I left you hanging, I've just been so happy with you…." I rolled my eyes, trying to apologize for this lapse.

"That's a good answer." His words were confident, but he still looked a bit troubled as he went on, "Never wish things were different? Or that he -."

"That's enough of that!" I broke in, firmly. I threaded my fingers through his, as much as possible with the cast on. He seemed to need convincing – or comforting - for some reason.

I rummaged around in my mind, trying to find the words that would explain my feelings best.

"Do you remember the night you first kissed me?" I asked.

"Like I'd forget!" He exclaimed indignantly.

I closed my eyes and leaned back against the headrest to focus my mind. "You told me to stop thinking of myself as a storybook heroine. I was kind of put out by that at first -." Jacob converted a snicker into a fake cough at this. Ignoring him, I continued, "- but I realized that you were right. I've come to think that maybe, somehow, it _had_ to happen the way it did."

I let out a long sigh. "I had these ideas of how love should be, ideas out of books…. I guess had to go through all that - to be that poor, sad girl - to get it out of my system. So I could find out the difference between an idea and the real thing. So I could learn to love you properly, Jake."

I opened my eyes and looked at him, saying as earnestly as I could, "It was in another life, a long time ago."

My Jacob smiled at me, a real smile this time, and said, "Well, it all worked out right in the end, didn't it?"

We turned into the main tourist district in Port Angeles. After parking on the street and gallantly insisting on opening my door for me, Jacob tucked my good hand under his arm and led me along the sidewalk to the restaurant.

I hesitated for a fraction of a second when I saw our destination: _Bella_ _Italia_. I hoped he hadn't noticed my little waver; he had.

He gave me a questioning look, "Is this good, honey? I picked it because I know how much you love Italian, but…?"

Giving him my most brilliant smile, I said warmly, "It's perfect, Jake. Thank you for remembering." His faced cleared in relief.

Seated in the restaurant, we began the happy process of deciding on dinner.

"The mushroom ravioli look good." Jacob suggested helpfully.

"Mmmm, yeah…but, I think I'll have the chicken picatta, with tomatoes caprese to start."

Jake, of course, ordered enough food for three people. I thought to myself that the waitress would be happy with the check total.

As we waited for our food, he asked if I had brought my charm bracelet as instructed. Unable to wear it because of the cast, I had brought the bracelet in my purse. Getting it out, we admired the collection of charms I had acquired since graduation – the variety available never ceased to amaze me.

Added to Jake's hand-carved wolf, Renee had given me a tiny diploma scroll and Charlie had presented me with a minute silver pick-up truck. Angela's parting gift as she left for school was a little coffee cup and saucer in pewter. I had bought myself a little figure of a dolphin as a memento of Jacksonville, after deciding that that was what I hoped to be in my next life.

Jacob took the bracelet from me, telling me to shut my eyes. I peeked as he deftly fastened on a new ornament, his big hands so sure and graceful. He caught me looking and shot me a glance of mock severity. I gave a guilty grimace and held out my hand.

Amongst the silvery charms was now the gleam of gold: a tiny heart, the exact size and shape of a candy conversation heart, with the words BE MINE incised on it. I blinked back tears as I kissed my wolf-boy and whispered, "It's perfect. It wasn't too expensive, I hope."

Jacob huffed in exasperation and growled, "Your mom seems like a nice lady, Bells, didn't she ever tell you not to comment about the cost of a gift? How about if I say I got a great deal on e-bay? Will that make you like it better?"

"Did you?" I asked with interest.

"I'm saying I did. Let's drop it, okay?" This was accompanied by a stern look.

I mumbled apologies and promises to be better. Happily our salads arrived at this moment. We worked our way through dinner with pleasant small talk, primarily catching up on the happenings with the pack.

"How's Quil?" I asked anxiously. During the battle at the Cullen house, Quil had been bitten badly by one of the enemy, by far the worst of the injuries sustained. Vampire venom would not change a werewolf, but it could kill, or in this case, leave nasty wounds that were slow to heal. Whenever I thought of our friend, I felt a pang of guilt over his injuries.

"He's great! Every time you ask about him it's like you expect him to be teetering on the brink of the grave."

"I just feel so bad for him, he's suffering and he'll have scars…." I mourned.

"Honey, this is Quil we're talking about! He's _hoping_ for some big badass looking scars! He's probably undoing his grandpa's treatments as we speak." Jacob shook his head ruefully at the intransigence of his pack brother, and at me. I had to admit that it sounded typical.

When our entrees arrived, Jake thoughtfully took my plate and cut my chicken into bite-size pieces – I was getting very weary of this cast!

"I guess Sue hasn't had time to pursue her research into the Swan family tree." I said speculatively, as we finished up our meal.

"No, she's been pretty busy. Does it matter?" asked Jacob, quietly. "It makes no difference to the way I feel about you, Bella. Even if Charlie turns out to be the reincarnation of Taha Aki himself."

At this moment, the waitress came to ask about dessert. I turned my attention to her enthusiastic descriptions, while silently promising myself to continue the conversation later.

"So, what do you think, honey. Do you want dessert, or wait and get something at the movie?"

"Sure, sure." I scoffed. "Tiramisú or Milk Duds, that's a toughie, Jake!"

After placing the dessert order, I felt compelled to ask, "What are we going to see, any way? You never said."

He grinned, "It's a special showing of that high def version of _Fantasia._ Okay?"

"Oh, I love _Fantasia_!" I squealed. 'How did you know?"

"Everybody does, honey, it was kind of a no-brainer! Anyway, there wasn't anything playing with girls in long dresses and English accents."

I had to laugh at that, he knew me so well!

It was pleasant out – how my standards had changed, I thought – so we decided to walk to the theater.

"Um, back to that business about Charlie's ancestors." I ventured as we strolled at a leisurely pace along the nearly empty street. "I realize that we may never know for sure, considering what Sue had to say about the records from those days, but it got me wondering about the imprint thing."

Jake gave an exasperated sigh as he said, " You're not seriously still worried about all that, are you, Bells? Really, I know it's different than what the other imprinted wolves went through, but there's _nothing_ that they feel for their mates that I don't feel for you and -."

"I know that." I interrupted. "And I'm not worried any more about imprinting _itself_, I – well, I decided it doesn't matter. What I was wondering about-."

Here it was Jake's turn to interrupt, which he did in characteristic style: he clutched at his heart and fell back dramatically to lean against a handy lamppost.

"I must be having an out-of-body experience!" He gasped, theatrically. "Did you just say that imprinting _doesn't matter_? It's a dream; I'm going to wake up at home any minute, right?" He was grinning but also looking at me with a dozen questions in his eyes.

"Get over yourself, Black!" I exclaimed, trying to make my voice sound like Leah's. "You're not hallucinating – every word I just said is true. I-it's a waste of time to worry about whether you've imprinted on me, or not. You say you feel that way; Sam sees the bonds between us; _Renée_ sees them, and she's not even Indian! So why do _I_ keep fighting it? And besides, nobody knows what will happen in life; not us, not the other imprints…. Certain, ah, recent events have helped me get a, um, different perspective on life!"

I smiled up at him from under my lashes and said softly, "I decided that what matters is that I love you and you love me and, and the rest of it be damned!"

"Finally! She finally gets it!" Jake crowed triumphantly.

Turning unexpectedly solemn, he took my chin between his thumb and forefinger to look deep into my eyes. "I was made for you, Bella. I believe that."

I gave a little nod, before clearing my throat to continue. "_But_…. I still have some, um, concerns."

Jacob drew me over to one of the park benches that the city of Port Angeles had placed around the tourist district for the convenience of money-spending visitors. Facing me, he gently held my hands in his as he looked at me inquiringly.

"Well, remember that night all of us got together at the house, the night the vampires first came?" He nodded his understanding. "Leah and I talked, and she told me about the reason behind imprinting, about the genetics… and how you'd imprint on the girl that, uh…." My voice trailed off and my face felt like it was on fire.

Gathering my courage, I blurted out, "Taken as a given that we _are_ imprinted - does that mean that our babies will have the wolf gene, be little werewolf cubs?"

"Sure, sure. So now I'm a geneticist? I've had the same high school science classes you've had, Bells." His tone was light but his eyes were wide and wary as he looked down at me. "I guess it's as likely as any other inherited trait. "

He swallowed hard and asked, huskily, "Is that a problem?"

I was startled by the look of very real apprehension in his expression.

"Oh!" I exclaimed and smacked myself on the forehead as something I should have seen long before suddenly became clear, "How did I miss this? That's why you didn't like becoming a wolf, isn't it? I never could figure out why you were so resentful of it, when all the other guys were so thrilled. It was me, or us, rather."

Jacob gave a rueful laugh, "It wasn't the kind of problem I was prepared to deal with. It seemed challenging enough to be competing with, you know, the past. The whole _monster_ business was just one more, huge thing that could come between us. I wanted to be one hundred percent human for _you_, Bells."

"The other girls don't seem to think it's such an issue." I reflected.

"They're Indian." He explained simply.

At the question in my face he went on, "Well, it _is_ different for them. I didn't know Emily hardly at all, but of course I knew Rachel, and Kim's always been around. They didn't believe the old legends any more than I did, honey. But they grew up with them, and they knew people, people that they loved and respected, who _did_ believe them. It makes a difference."

He gave a one-shoulder shrug. "We won't really know about the next generation unless there's a need. Wolves are only called if …the threat is there."

I nodded thoughtfully and we sat in silence for a moment. Until, with a little smile playing on his lips, my wolf asked me softly, "So, you're saying that you want to have babies with me some day, Bella?"

"We've never really discussed… plans." I said faintly. An image of a future Jacob floated through my head: Jake, a little older, his face more serious, gazing with rapt wonder at a tiny, naked infant held in his hands.

"No, keeping you alive in the short term has been the priority. Sometimes the future has seemed rather doubtful." His voice was dry.

"What do _you_ want, Jacob?" I whispered.

"I get to go first, huh? Well… I guess I always said the same things about being grown up that all the other kids did. You know, 'I'm going to be a fireman, a rock star, an NBA player' that kind of thing, but I never really saw it. Maybe I'm kind of a boring guy -." I had to laugh out loud at that!

"Hush!" He went on, "What I wanted, _want_, is to have a life here, where I belong. Work I can be proud of; be close to Dad; a decent place to live and … a family. I want that family to be you and our kids, Bella. I want to just… do the things that people do."

He smiled bashfully, his lips trembling ever so slightly as he tried to conceal the depth of his feelings.

My voice sounded thick as I said, "That sounds an awful lot like a proposal, Jake."

"Not yet, but someday. When you're ready."

There was only one answer to a statement like that.

"You're not off the hook, Ms. Swan." He teased gently, against my lips, "What is it that you want?"

Emotion formed a clot in my throat as I tried to speak. I needed a moment. I leaned my forehead against his chest and closed my eyes.

As though a movie were playing on the inside of my eyelids, _I could see Charlie and Renée mixed into a strange collage with Billy and Sam and La Push…_

_I could see the enormous red-brown wolf that I loved, always standing protector if I needed him…_ a mate who would give me space to be myself but who would never be more than a breath away…

_I saw the bobbing heads of two small black-haired children, running away from me into the familiar forest…_ and I was chasing after them. "I'm gonna get you guys!" I called, laughing as I went, hearing their shrieks of merriment at our game. Catching up, I scooped the pair into my arms and we fell together on the soft, leafy forest floor, in a tangle of arms and legs, tickles and giggles and hugs.

In my arms I held the next link in a chain of destiny connecting Jacob and me to a fathomless past and an unseeable future. I was pierced by the sensation of a love of more strength and focus than I had ever expected. I saw, for the first time, that our children would be a gift we gave each other.

The vision faded and I slowly blinked open my eyes unsurprised to find them wet. The singular love for those children-to-be tucked itself in my heart next to my love for Jacob, ready when it would be called for.

I looked deep into the brown eyes that were dearer to me than anything in the world and whispered, "What you just said, I'm looking forward to it with all my heart."

**..........**

It was a near perfect day for fishing, filtered sun through a light cloud haze with an intermittent breeze to lightly ruffle the lake water. Charlie and Billy, with his wheel chair chocked firmly, sat on the dock in companionable silence, lines in the water.

They had been taking the boat out less regularly than in the past, and forgoing some favorite, but less accessible, fishing spots, deferring to Billy's increasing frailty They didn't talk about these changes, each pretending that it was the other's preference. It was the kind of silent agreement that such old friends can offer each other.

Charlie cleared his throat. "The kids seem to be…getting along pretty good these days. Getting, uh, serious, in fact."

"Yep, seem to be." Was the laconic response.

"You're the father of daughters, Billy, is there some kind of protocol? I mean, do I sit Jacob down and ask his intentions toward Bella, or is that old fashioned or what? I'm kind of at sea, here." Charlie concentrated on some minute adjustment to his fishing rod.

"Charlie, if you haven't figured out Jake's intentions toward Bella by now, you don't deserve that badge you've got!" Billy chortled.

"I was thinking in the long term." Protested Charlie.

"Same answer, pal."

"So then, does he come to see _me_? At some point."

"Got news for you, friend, they don't do it that way anymore. You think surfer-boy came to me, holding his hat, to ask for Rebecca's 'hand in marriage'? Like hell! Barely even met the fellow before they were off to the Justice of the Peace and then gone. Hawaii's so far away…."

"Er, now that Rachel's back, and hooked up with that Paul fellow, looks like she'll be permanent. What do you think about him? He seems kinda…."

"Yeah, he is kinda…." Billy rejoined with a rumbling chuckle. "But he's the one she likes and they do seem happy together, so what's a mere father to do?"

"But you really think… Bella and Jacob?" Charlie stared into the distance as he spoke.

"Don't you? Looks like a pretty sure thing to me."

"Yeah," Nodding to himself. "Well, you raised a good man, Billy. Guess the old saying about not losing a daughter but gaining a son is true, huh?"

"Getting misty on me, Charlie?" Billy guffawed.

"Naw! It's… they're both so young." Charlie's voice was wistful. "I just wish I knew for sure…."

"You whites always want to know what's going to happen before you start a thing! Did you want me to use my mystic Indian powers to prophesy the future for you?"

The two friends laughed, a bit too heartily perhaps, clearing an atmosphere that was getting over-emotional for comfort.

"Nothing wrong with finding your soul mate young, you know. Just because it didn't work out so great for either of us."

"Yeah, well, me and Renee, that was mostly sex. Great gal, though."

"Tell me about it. I was a witness to it all remember? Anyway, the kids have - everything." This observation was accompanied by a sly glance.

"So it would seem." There was a wry note in Charlie's answer.

"Hey, I know. I've got two girls. It's… different, daughters versus sons in that respect. It's also inevitable."

"Yep, makes the world go round, I guess. Just between us - what you were saying about Rebecca and the JP's office earlier - I'm prepared to spring for a decent wedding for my girl, when the time comes. Within reason, of course."

"Sure, sure. It isn't right, is it? Just standing up in some dreary little office somewhere. No family or friends around. Hardly seems legal. Certainly not much fun."

"Absolutely. They don't need a cathedral, but something pretty. She's my only child. With good food."

"Can't forget that! Speaking of that, any more of those crackers?"

"Here you go. Want one of these diet things you've been drinking?'

"Not till I get rid of some of what I've already got on board."

"Do you need to go in? We can -." Charlie made as if to get up.

"Naw, I'm fine for a while. When does the game come on, anyway?"

"Not till 8:30. We got all kinds of time."

The fishing continued in companionable silence for a while.

"So when the kids do get hitched, what relation will that make us?"

"We'll still be a couple of busy body old dads, sitting on a dock, fishing!"

………

Please vote for **Moonshadow** in The Sparkle Awards – Venom Award (Best Non-canon Pairing) October 16 – November 8

Next chapter:

**Epilogue**

No story is ever really over…


	20. Chapter 20

3-7-10 **Moonshadow** is a finalist in the** Indie Twi Fic Awards!**

Voting is March 15 – March 24; see my profile for the voting link. **I would really appreciate your support!**

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is intended. Think of it as an _homage_….

**Moonshadow**

No story is ever really finished…

**Epilogue:** Time in a Bottle JPOV

Seven years have passed…

I straightened the frakking tie one more time as I waited. Why is that when women get dressed up, they seem to wear less clothing but men always wear more?

The phone rang shrilly, making me jump. "Swan residence," I answered.

"May I speak to Chief Swan, please?" A man's voice, beautiful, bell-like.

"_His Honor _can't come to the phone right now, he's getting ready for the wedding." I said shortly and hung up as the phone went dead in my ear. I looked at the caller ID; pretty sure of what it would say: UNKNOWN.

I felt a cold trickle of dread down my spine, almost like the touch of one of _their_ hands. Surely not now, after all this time…well, if it was it would be taken care of. I closed my mind to such thoughts; this was a happy day.

Bella came trotting down the stairs; she'd been in the bathroom again. "Who was that, Jake?" She looked… delectable. Her hair was elaborately piled up on top of her head and she was wearing a floaty summer dress the color of garnets. She had on little sandals with what she told me were kitten heels; not high heels by any means, but I wished she'd be more careful on the stairs.

"Wrong number." I shrugged.

"Oh? I thought I heard you-."

I broke in to distract her, shouting up the stairway, "Hey, Charlie! Better get a move on! Don't want Sue to think you've left her standing at the altar now!"

Bella laughingly called, "That's right, Dad. You can't keep on living in sin in this scandalous way! The mayor has to set a higher moral standard!" She never passed up a chance to rag her father on his living arrangements, not after the – really only token – fuss he had made when Bella and I moved in together.

Charlie walked slowly down, making adjustments to his suit as he came.

"You look so handsome, Dad. If Sue wasn't already in love with you, she would be now!" My girl gave her father a kiss on the cheek as she smoothed his lapels. She was smiling for all she was worth, but her lips trembled just the tiniest amount.

I shepherded Bella and Charlie to the other love of my life: a 1973 Dodge Challenger, lovingly rebuilt and restored, bronze metallic paint job gleaming.

Bella teased me about only being interested in cars made before I was born and claimed that the Challenger was the only thing in the world that made her jealous. She just had to grumble as a matter of course – she had actually turned into a great mechanic's helper as I worked to bring back this beauty. Her tiny hands and slim wrists can fit where my big mitts won't.

The drive was short, possibly too short for Charlie, though mostly he seemed confident and composed when I glanced in the rear view mirror, with only an occasional lapse into that deer in the headlights look. Better than a lot of grooms do, anyway. Bella was so happy and excited that she was almost quivering. My girl reached over and took my hand as I drove, giving me _that_ look

Seth and Sue should already be at the council hall in La Push where the wedding was to take place. Seth would be _escorting_ Sue at ceremony, she had been quite adamant over that: she was no one's property to be given away!

Both participants had tried to ease around a big celebration; Charlie and Sue were modest and scoffed at the idea that their nuptials would be of any interest to people beyond the immediate family.

A lot they knew! They each had been amazed at how many of the residents of both communities, Forks and La Push, had an almost proprietary attitude to the relationship between the two. Neither of them had been aware at all of how valued they were in our little corner of the world – and how happy everyone was that they had found each other.

Forks would be practically a ghost town as everyone who possibly could attended the wedding. The road to La Push had never seen so much traffic at once. Sam, at Emily's prompting, had drafted a team of high school students to act as parking directors once the crowd reached the village. Too bad for any tourists looking for a parking space!

I guess it's only natural to reflect on life when one of these milestone days comes along. It always bugged me when people talked about how 'blessed' they were, but I really couldn't come up with a better word, as I thought about our life together.

After Bella had finished up at the community college, she had moved to Tacoma to attend the University of the Puget Sound, entering a five-year BA/MA program part way through. After two miserable, and exhausting, semesters apart, trying to match up schedules, driving back and forth etc. etc., I talked it over with Sam and Dad, and Rachel and Paul, and Charlie (why didn't I just call a press conference and get the whole damn world in on our business?) and moved down there to be with her.

I don't like cities, never wanted to live in one and Tacoma wasn't the sort I'd pick out if I did, but Bella was there and that was all there was to that.

I resigned from the pack at the same time.

That was hard, really hard. But not as hard as living apart from my girl, always feeling uneasy, incomplete, and off-balance as the tug of my awareness of her pulled at me constantly.

Bella protested my resignation quite strenuously, not wanting to cause a rift between my brothers and me, but I knew what I was about here.

She thought she hid it, but I was very aware that my not aging normally while I was still active bothered her very much. She always remembered the story of Taha Aki's third wife, less for her sacrifice than for the outstanding fact that she was the _third_ wife. And really, I couldn't consider a life that included outliving my girl.

Anyway, it gave Seth his chance: he's the Beta, now. Wearing the office a lot more willingly and happily than I had.

Don't get me wrong; being part of the pack was one of the most amazing things that ever happened to me. I loved a lot of it, but I couldn't go on being dragged in two directions. At a certain point it was time to get on with my 'real' life with Bella.

I still miss it, sometimes, when I can hear howling in the distance and know that my brothers are speeding through the woods, taking in all the enchanting smells and the richness of the forest, experiencing each other's enjoyment in the pack-mind at the same time…. I try not to let Bella see that.

In any case, there hasn't been much action around here ever since the battle at the Cullen place. Just an occasional visitor who quickly decides to visit somewhere else after seeing how well defended our part of the peninsula is.

Of course, these weren't the only changes that have happened in these last few years.

Dad left us one year, seven months and three days ago.

It was an easy passing, as such things go, with his best friends Charlie and Sue beside him. I held him in my arms as his spirit went wherever the life force of such a wise, kind and loving man should go. I miss him more than I can say.

This left me in the awkward position of being hereditary chief of the tribe, the last of the Blacks, for now.

The Quileute people have always had a system of shared government. Sam, as pack leader, and I have done our best to carry on this tradition by working hard to find a fair division of the responsibilities in guiding our people. Our experiences in the pack have helped enormously, but it's better now: these days we meet as equals, man to man, rather than as boy and Alpha.

Sue is always ready with a helpful word, of course, as are the other elders. Old Quil passed away some time ago. 'Young' Quil (how he hates being called that!) immediately excused himself from being an active member of the council, to the relief of all, on the grounds that he's really not cut out for high office.

Quil and his mother continue to run the little store, the social hub of the village. He always knows the latest gossip about anyone – which I have accessed on occasion, purely in my position as a leader, of course. He's always the first to volunteer whenever something needs to be done, gotta give him that.

Embry works as a foreman at Trask's mill. He never did imprint and still plays the field with enthusiasm, remarking that the pack hardly needs his efforts to provide for the next generation of protectors. He's got a point.

Rachel and Paul are the leaders there, with four sturdy, noisy ankle biters (one set of twins). They live in our old house; they had moved in to look after Dad when I went to Tacoma. Paul has added on to the little place extensively; he works construction so he's well able to do this. Nice to know he's good for something besides impregnating my sister.

I have pointed out on various occasions that there is a fine pharmacy located just over in Forks, which has been calmly ignored. Seems Rachel always wanted a large family – funny how much I didn't know about my own sister - and I admit that she seems to flourish in the cheerful chaos of her little world.

Remembering my insights into Paul's mind, I wonder if they still…?

Jared and Kim have two beautiful little girls. He's the manager at the Wal-Mart, she teaches at the Montessori school in Forks.

For the longest time, Sam and Emily had only one child, a little boy named David. They finally got another one going this past spring. Davey's pretty terrific. He came with me on Take Our Kids to Work day this last time; we had a blast. I can hardly wait….

Working for Parks and Wildlife is just what I hoped it would be: enough routine to be comfortable, enough variety to keep my interest. It's nice to have a way to earn a living that means something, in a way that, say, fixing cars never could. I have to admit that being an almost seven-foot tall stern-looking Indian does sort of help the law enforcement aspect of the job.

Like everybody else, I have days I don't want to go to work, but there haven't been many times when, after I got in the truck, looked over my duty sheet and started taking calls, that I didn't get caught up in the job and found the work day over before I knew it. A good day's work… and then _home_.

With some assistance from Charlie, we scraped together the money for a log cabin kit. Nothing fancy, just a great room, kitchen, a tiny bathroom with a shower and a sleeping loft, but perfect for us. With the pack's help we got it raised and dried-in in one long weekend. It's _cozy_, as Bella says. We'll be adding a proper bedroom wing with a bigger bathroom early in the fall.

It's on some land that came to me through my mother's family, a short way from the village, but inside the old treaty line. I don't really know if Bella is aware of that or not. Never hurts to be on the safe side.

Bells got her Masters in English Lit, which took longer than planned: she had to take a leave of absence from school when Renée was diagnosed with breast cancer. That was a tough time, but on the upside, Bella and her Mom got a lot closer – more like they were before Bells moved to Forks, she says. Renée's been doing fine lately. I hope that if something like that comes our way, my girl and I can take care of each other as well as Phil and Renée do.

For the last couple of years Bella has been teaching at the community college, and is starting to make outlines for a novel – if she can find the time she says.

Bella scoffs at me when I say this, but I really think she gets more beautiful every year. More beautiful and more confident. She's always been quiet and self-contained, around other people anyway, she speaks her mind pretty freely to me! But now she has a kind of serene poise in place of what was shyness.

Not to sound too starry-eyed, though. I could do without the PMS weeks just fine. Or, just as bad, all that frenzy at the end of semesters, first as a student and now as a teacher. Cold and flu season's kind of a drag, too: Bells makes a lousy patient and is always pissy because I never get sick.

But mostly it's great, the way I always saw things turning out. Kind of like watching a hawk soaring on thermals, just natural and right.

Amazingly, she's more _graceful_ than she used to be! No one will ever mistake her for a ballerina by any means, but the constant stumbles and tumbles, the bruises and sprains, are pretty much a thing of the past. What a relief. Don't miss all the trips to the emergency room one bit.

I asked her about it one day. We were in the middle of our typical Sunday morning routine: sleeping late, big breakfast, lazing around half the day. The house still had its good French toast and bacon smell as we sprawled on the sofa reading the paper. Moxie the cat supervised from her spot on the classifieds section (nice kitty, but she always wants to sleep on my head at night!)

At my question, Bells pushed her reading glasses up on her head – finally got her to go to the eye doctor – and gave the matter serious consideration.

Solemnly she said, "I think it has a lot to do with getting nailed in the shower on a regular basis." Then with a mischievous grin, she slid a bare foot between my legs and did some interesting things with her toes, letting me know that shower activities weren't the only thing she was referring to.

Some time later - including a quick shower for a rinse off - she clarified this point by saying that being well and thoroughly loved gave her confidence, that it was like having a sturdy place to stand.

"I spent so much of my life feeling like I was on the outside looking in, " She said thoughtfully. "Being sure of _us_ has given me a feeling of, well, belonging, I guess. I just feel so much more comfortable in my own skin these days, moving's kind of… effortless." Her smile was warm and joyous.

A man can't ask for much better assurance than that.

Nice to know I had made good on my promise to myself that day on First Beach when Bells told me that she loved me. I was her first lover and I vowed that I would be the _only_ lover. I don't figure myself to be the possessive type, but keeping Bella so satisfied that she's not tempted to wander off, well, that's just good management. Not to be cocky, but she doesn't seem to mind.

Amazing how the mind works: all this had passed through my head on the short drive from Forks to La Push. The parking detail flagged me on to a place near the council hall. Bella scurried inside to where Sue would be waiting and I got Charlie handed off to some of the older men of the tribe, who greeted him with the usual worn out wedding day witticisms.

I took a stroll around the gathering, mainly to check out the comestibles. In spite of not having phased in some years, my metabolism is extraordinarily high; I'm hungry much of the time. The Forks Jaycees were putting on a salmon roast on the beach later on (_enh_!), but I had it on good authority that there would also be burgers and ribs for us carnivores.

Bella's old boss Etta, still a good friend, had insisted on providing the wedding cake. Since no consensus could be reached as to type – everybody seemed to have an opinion – Etta had agreeably prepared several kinds, including carrot cake, some fudgey thing, a more traditional-looking cake with white chocolate frosting and, Charlie's favorite, New York cheesecake with strawberries. I decided that to be courteous to their creator I would force myself to try a piece of each!

As I walked through the crowd gathered outside the hall, Leah hailed me. She looked stunning in a lilac dress, similar in style to Bella's but suited to her tall, athletic figure. Leah had designed both dresses as well as Sue's outfit.

"Finally!" She exclaimed. "Where's Bella? We're getting down to zero hour here." Leah and Bella were Sue's attendants, just as Seth and I were standing up for Charlie

She was carrying her 22-month-old daughter Hatsy, short for Harriet after Leah and Seth's late father, Harry. She held the youngster toward me for a kiss, saying. "You need to practice, Jake." I had an odd, choky moment as I felt the chubby little arms wrap around my neck.

"Bells just stepped into the hall to check on your mom," I answered. "According to her, we're right on schedule."

"Now, if only I can find Dee to hand off her Highness here." Leah scanned the crowd. Shifting the baby to her hip she waved a slim arm to attract the attention of her mate.

"Mama Dee!" Squealed the youngster, wriggling happily, reaching out as Leah's other half, Doris Ann, who prefers to be called Dee, approached.

Mama Dee and Mama Lee. Cute.

After completing her education in graphic design, Leah had chosen to settle in Vancouver, rather than return to La Push and be the sole wolf girl. I wasn't the only member of the pack to be just a _tad _surprised when Leah brought home her partner for the first time. Sam, especially, had taken it rather hard.

"Get over yourself, Uley!" Leah had growled at Sam's stricken protests. "Don't go thinking that you've ruined me for any other man! You weren't _that _good! And don't call me 'Lee Lee'!" Her glare had been reminiscent of the days after Sam had imprinted on Emily, but her eyes brightened as she told how she had met, and fallen in love with, Dee.

"I think," she said with a new softness on her face, "I think that somehow the magic _knew,_ knew that I wouldn't have been happy in the conventional life that I thought was the only way. I didn't know it at the time, of course, but things were… _managed_ to turn out for the best. Answers a few questions, doesn't it?" Leah giggled. Giggled! Leah!

It made no difference to me how she lived her life and I was heart glad to see my wolf sister so happy and comfortable with herself.

At last some of Sue's friends started to herd the crowd toward the rows of chairs set up to accommodate them. The hall wasn't big enough for such a mob, so a tent had been hastily arranged. There was no formal procession; I stood by Charlie with the girls on the opposite side of the platform that made do for an altar. Mr. Webber beamed as Seth and his mother approached, Seth moving to my side as Charlie came forward to take Sue's hand.

My girl and I smiled across at each other as the familiar phrases were exchanged and I knew that Leah was looking at Dee, just as Seth sought his girlfriend Lily's eyes.

Then it was my turn to step into Mr. Webber's spot and say the words and lead the chant-songs of the Quileute that would join Sue and Charlie in the eyes of my people. I thought of how delighted Dad would have been at this moment.

Very late that night we finally tore ourselves away after seeing the happy couple off; they were bound for a guest ranch in Idaho that promised world-class trout fishing. Bella had made arrangements for a muffin basket to be delivered on their arrival. Muffins have become something of a tradition with us.

We drove back to Charlie and Sue's house in Forks with a load of gifts. Sue had tried to discourage such things, pointing out that she already had household items and gewgaws in abundance, but many folks had cheerfully ignored her, wanting to show their good will. We had volunteered to drop them off.

Bella chattered happily, reliving the day: how cute Quil and ten-year old Claire had looked dancing; Embry's latest conquest; how old Reuben Two Rivers had gotten drunk off his ass.

I turned the corner to Charlie's street and then it hit me. That stench once scented, never forgotten. The sleeping wolf inside me woke with a start, ready for action.

"_Mother fucker_!" I muttered under my breath, and then looked at Bella out of the corner of my eye to see if she had noticed my outburst. She hadn't, thank God, she was still full of the festivities, exclaiming over somebody's ghastly dress.

By the greatest force of will I kept my hands steady on the wheel as I parked in the driveway. I made a business of dealing with the boxes, hustling them and Bella into the house, struggling not to look over my shoulder as we went.

He was here. I knew it. I could smell him. I could feel him.

Once unloaded, Bells remarked that since she had access to an actual bathtub, she thought she'd have a soak, if I didn't mind. No one has ever greeted the news of a bath more heartily.

"I'll be up in a while to scrub your back," I said lightly, striving for a normal tone. "Just want to check a few things outside. Charlie was so out of it, who knows how he left the place." I mentally apologized to Bella's dad; I already knew he had shut up the place just fine.

"Mmm hmm." Was the answer as my girl went up stairs, pulling the pins out of her hair as she went.

Good, she was out of the way.

I slid cautiously out on the little front porch. Every nerve ending tingled painfully as I searched the darkness with all my senses.

At the far end of the street I caught sight of an Alpha Romeo 170, a car not even in production yet, that must be his ride. The freak bastard had great taste in wheels I had to admit. Money helps.

There, in the woods that bordered Charlie's small yard.

"Come out and face me, bloodsucker!" I snarled in a stage whisper, knowing he could hear me, knowing he could hear my mind. _Fuck_!

I could feel the pins-and-needles sensation shooting up my spine as my wolf begged me to let it out. I kept it tightly under control, but I didn't know how long I could last like this.

All moving crystal, angles and shine…. The luminous white of his face was like the moon coming out from behind a cloud as he emerged from the tree cover.

Handsome. Silent. Deadly grace. The end of my world?

"Why are you here? You said you wouldn't come back!" A growl slipped from my mouth as he moved a few steps closer to the porch, coming fully into the light. Shit. I forgot, between times, just how good-looking he was.

Our eyes bored into each other. This went far beyond the natural enmity of our two species. His threat to my existence was greater than that.

Behind me, the door opened. I thought my heart would stop.

"What's up, Big Chief?" Bella stepped out onto the porch. She was supposed to be in the bathtub! She was still in her dress from the wedding, but had changed her pretty sandals for a pair of ratty old house shoes she still kept at Charlie's. Distracted as I was, I noticed that her ankles were a little swollen.

"You've been out here for -." She choked in shock at the sight of our visitor. Her color rose, not her usual pretty blush, but a dull, painful looking red that quickly drained away, leaving her ghostly pale, with spots of color burning high on her cheeks.

"W-what are you doing here, Edward?" Her voice was faint. She gazed at him steadily, eyes wide and fixed on his face.

I noticed with sickening horror that she was doing something I hadn't seen in years: she was absently rubbing the scar on her hand that the other parasite had given her. The one _he_ had saved her from. The scar that made the bond that had connected them. My worst nightmares were coming true right in front of me.

His voice was musical, appealing: "I didn't know I'd find you here, Bella, I expected to see Charlie. Alice saw a wedding. I thought Charlie could tell me…."

"Alice." She said it with the hint of a sob that tore at my heart.

"It wasn't me. Charlie got married today, Charlie and Sue." Her voice was low but steady. "That must be what she saw. Jacob and I got married almost three years ago; didn't she see that? You didn't know?"

Was it my imagination, or did the freak shudder just a fraction?

My nerves were jangling so intensely that it was hard to be sure of my own perceptions, but he sounded so sad as he said, "Alice can't see you anymore. She hasn't been able to for a long time."

The little line between her eyebrows made its appearance as she puzzled over the statement, the question plain on her face.

Cullen opened his mouth to explain, then hesitated and made a graceful gesture of invitation to me.

My heart was beating so hard I thought I would strangle. I always knew this day would come. Just as I knew I had to be the one to tell her.

I forced myself to say, "Bells, honey, Alice can't see you because - because you're my mate. The wolves are kind of a blind spot for her. And ever since the, uh, cliff diving day…." My voice trailed off.

Bella's gaze was far away, as she said very low, "That was the day I decided to start living again… because of you, Jake."

I waited. She blinked. She realized.

Her head turned sharply toward me as she asked, urgently, "How do you know that, Jacob? The Cullens were gone before you changed. How. Do. You. Know?"

She swayed suddenly and caught herself against the screen door at her back. Her eyes swept me with a look of accusation and then turned to Edward.

"You came back." It was a statement, not a question. "I almost died." The same flat tone.

A tremor rippled over the abomination's face. My wolf rumbled its satisfaction at his pain.

"When?"

I answered for him. "It was a few days after the battle with Victoria and her little army. The girl leech saw the house burn. Doctor Death broke the treaty and contacted Dad." They both twitched at my harsh tone and words. I didn't care.

"There were huge gaps in Alice's vision, we knew there had to more to it than just a house fire. Carlisle and I met with … Jacob and his father and the Alpha in the woods by the house. They told us what happened."

I remembered that day - like I'd ever forget. Sam and me and Dad, the two Cullens, standing in the rain inside the dense tree line. The three of us burned and raged inside in our disgust and hatred of the creatures facing us, but to look at us you would have thought we were as hard and immoveable as _them_.

The whole area reeked of smoke and vampire – from our current visitors and from the remains of the enemy, now lost forever in the pile of cinders that had once been the freaks' handsome home.

The tale of Victoria and her gang of the undead was quickly told. Then the others had moved back by tacit agreement; the treaty was to protect the entire tribe, but _this_ was between the two of us. Cullen and I stood toe to toe and I made it clear to him that he and his 'family' would have nothing more to do with our lives.

I had been disappointed in his measured response. I had been longing for a fight, to remove his threat forever.

Bella shook her head, as if trying to settle her thoughts. "So… you met and talked and decided not to tell me. Just you and Carlisle, Edward?"

"Jasper and Esme kept Alice away, Bella. We knew she wouldn't be able to come and… not see you." He shrugged regretfully.

"Yes, I understand." Her voice was wistful. Their eyes were locked on each other. My heart twisted agonizingly. "Where… have you all been all this time? That was a while ago."

"Oh, you know, the family moves around, here and there. I've been living in Italy the last few years - studying." His gaze never wavered from her pale face.

"Italy." She repeated; it meant something to her. I didn't care where he'd been so long as he hurried the hell back there. Italy was hardly far enough!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_! How could she still care for them! After all they'd put her through. After all _he'd_ put her through.

A faint howl came from the depths of my throat before I could stop it. We all started, the sound inadvertently reminding us of the chasms that separated our beings. The tension was a palpable force.

I wondered if I would – could – abase myself in front of the leach to beg her to stay. Stupid question. Of course I would. I would do anything. "They just left you here, Bells." I hissed, " Left you, knowing she was out there!"

The freak ignored me, his voice cool as he said, "I know I… harmed you, Bella. He showed me how it was with you. The way you looked, lying on the forest floor where I left you. How thin and pale you were, holding yourself together with your arms." If it were possible, I'd say his face went even whiter.

Bella frowned, not understanding what he meant.

"In his mind, Bella." He prompted. "Very clear mental images, your… husband has."

"Showed you how she changed, too, don't forget that." I said it grimly, but I felt as though a knot inside me was being loosened. I did have a weapon I could use.

Concentrating, I decided to treat the leech to an updated picture show. I pulled up a favorite memory: Bella walking down the aisle toward me on Charlie's arm, so lovely in her ivory dress, with flowers in her hair. I remembered the way my heart pounded as she looked up at me with such complete love and trust in her eyes as her father placed her little hand in mine.

Flash to another scene: Bella naked and flushed, riding me like a demented cowgirl, head thrown back in ecstasy, as my hands fondled her breasts.

Take that, you filth. A look of anguish rippled over his perfect young face. Bella shot a glare at me: she's not slow, I must say.

"Bells," I said, striving for a reasonable tone when what I wanted was to scream and fight, to call for my brothers and end this creature's menace to me and mine forever. "I'll tell you what I told him then: he forfeited when he left you alone and unprotected -."

The leach interrupted, "I will never forgive myself for what I put you through, Bella. That day…I-I left you in his care " His voice made the simple words sound like a symphony. His eyes left the woman we both loved and turned to me. "For what it's worth to you, Black, you have my gratitude."

Rounding on him, I spat out in fury, "That's not exactly the way I remember it, _Cullen_! You promised you wouldn't come back. I kept my part: I protected her; I watched out for her; I cherished her. I've loved her _every day_."

"I'm not some kind of prize!" My Bella shouted. "No forfeits, no wins!_ I _choose! I _chose_!" She was trembling, her eyes full of heavy tears.

Were they tears of regret? My heart sank like a stone. I had spoken the only truth I knew. But had I undone it all?

The bastard spoke again, "I didn't mean to… distress you, Bella. I just – I just had to know…how you were." For a moment, that perfect young face looked almost _old_.

She gave a mighty sniffle and tossed her hair back, visibly working to regain mastery of herself. At that moment, a gentle breeze eddied around the house and porch, blowing the fragile fabric of Bella's dress against her body, revealing the soft, subtle curve of her belly.

The bloodsucker's eyes were riveted to my girl. There was anguish in his voice, as he said brokenly, "So – you have… _that_, too."

"Yes." Whispered my girl, with that look of mingled pride and wonder she gets when she talks of the baby. She touched her stomach in an unconscious caress. "If it's a girl we'll name her Marie; if it's a boy he'll be Liam, after Jacob's father."

The disgusting parasite made as though to reach for her. I don't remember getting between them; I was just _there_. My wolf was snarling and whining inside me, fighting to be let out. I shivered with the effort to maintain control.

"Jacob," she said, soothingly, putting her hand on my arm. "It's all right, Edward didn't mean anything. _Did you_?" This last said pointedly at the leech as she peered around me, giving him a look heavy with meaning. She moved to stand beside me, sliding her arm through mine. The wolf subsided, but was watchful still.

In that too bright voice that people use when a guest has over-stayed his welcome, she said politely, "Edward, i-it was very kind of you to come by to look in on me this way. I hope you won't take it wrong that I don't ask you to stay and visit. Please… give Alice my love, and Carlisle and – and everybody." Her voice shook in spite of her efforts at control. "Good bye now."

Taking my hand, she turned, opened the door and stepped inside, drawing me behind her. I glanced back for one last look at the monster, saying so low that mere human ears could not have heard: "_She _is_ mine_."

Inside I stood back, giving her space, sick with uncertainty at what had just happened. Bella leaned back against the now closed door and shut her eyes, her hand resting at her throat. Her color rose and fell again.

She took a deep shaky breath and said, "Well! That was pretty fucking weird!" She sounded… exasperated?

I stood frozen, tense, watching her. For once I couldn't tell what she was thinking as every possible emotion passed in turn over her transparent face. In spite of my brave parting shot to the leech, my feelings wavered from triumph to despair as I watched the woman who was my whole life process what had just happened.

"Are you – are you angry with me, Bells, for not telling you?" I rasped out. Inside me, the wolf whimpered its fear of her answer.

With a sigh, she said slowly, giving thought to each word, "I feel like I _ought_ to be angry, I hate people making decisions for me without even asking me. But…I can see why you didn't say anything. It could have been… difficult, if I'd known." Her gaze was in the past, some place where I could not follow her.

"Difficult. Difficult how?" I couldn't force any more words from my constricted throat.

She started and her eyes widened, as she seemed to truly see me again. "Jacob, what's the matter? You're trembling! I just meant it would have been _awkward_ – it wouldn't have changed anything!"

Her little hands cupped my jaw, turning my face down to look at her directly.

"Do you really think I'd trade the last seven years, or the next fifty, or this – " her hand stroked the gentle roundness of her belly " – for anything in the world? I love you, Jacob, I love _you_! Edward leaving made it possible to find my heart's desire, but I needed _you_ to show me what that was." Her beautiful brown eyes shone at me lovingly.

I heard the faint sound of a heartbroken groan from outside the house.

Something must have shown on my face, because Bella's expression turned to one of indignation.

Standing on tiptoe and just breathing the words into my ear, she muttered resentfully, "He's still out there, isn't he? Listening to us?" I nodded. "Of all the nerve! Checking up's one thing, sweet even, but this –this is…!"

"Invasive?" I said helpfully. If she wanted to be mad at the leech, far be it from me to talk her out of it!

My girl stepped back from me, an impish grin on her face. Getting her arms around behind her the way women can do, she unzipped her dress. Shrugging her shoulders elaborately the straps came free and the dress fell to the floor.

Underneath she wore a lacy bra and panties the color of smoke. Her hair fell in waves down her back, her breasts were very full, the swell of her abdomen merely suggestive of what lay beneath. She smiled. She was breathtaking.

Bella pressed her full length against me luxuriously. She lifted one knee to twine her leg around mine, as her hands undid the buttons of my shirt. She seductively drew her lips along my jaw, whispering faintly, "He never could hear my thoughts, think _really loud_!"

What a woman! My Bella!

I closed my eyes and slid my hands down to her sweetly rounded ass, and gently kneaded her flesh, letting my mind revel in the sensations. She rubbed herself against me, leaning into my growing hard-on. I hummed appreciatively.

With a throaty chuckle, she took my hand and pulled me to the sofa. Pushing me backwards, she climbed on top of me, straddling. A movement and she had removed her bra and flung it aside. I buried my face in the softness of Bella's breasts, inhaling her delicate scent.

"Oh, Jake." She sighed.

"A little louder, honey."

"_Oh, Jake_!"

The tension from outside the house increased, almost a physical presence in itself.

I thought as loudly as I could, "Didn't those 'parents' of yours teach you not to spy? It's up to you, bloodsucker: be a good little vamp and split, or stick around and listen to _my wife_ squeal my name while I give it to her the way she likes it!"

Silence.

Then the sound of an expensive engine turning over and fading into the distance.

The End

**Afterword:**

When I posted **Moonshadow **on another site I got the most fascinating mix of reviews for the Epilogue: most were full of praise but others… well, my favorite said that it was "mean and fucked up".

Nice to know that my fic could arouse that kind of emotion in a reader!!

Even some more moderate ones waxed indignant, saying that Bella would _never_ taunt Edward in that way.

My thoughts on the conclusion to this little story are:

Bella is not the same girl that Edward left lying broken on the forest floor EIGHT YEARS previously. (I'm certainly not, are you?)

In that time she has moved on and built a life that is very different that the one portrayed in the Saga – a life with Jacob *swoon* – with lots of things to look forward to…

Bella has no way of 'knowing' the things that we, the readers of the Saga 'know'. She hasn't read SM's outtakes to know the depth of Edward's suffering. None of the events bonding the Cullens and the Pack in Eclipse happened in this AU.

A visit from a long-lost love is… _disconcerting_, to say the least. (I know from experience) It may well be that Bella needs to prove something to herself, and Jake, as well as to Edward!

So… what do you think?


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